Sunday, August 31, 2014

Create

A side note from kinkysexythings, because there is so much more to my life.

I make things.  A lot of things.  I have a lot of constructive hobbies, and am actually learning to make enough things to make crafting my job.

In the past few weeks, I've made a metric fuckton of stuff, and I thought I show you a couple pictures.


So, that is a cotte for Lux.  It's based off a fourteenth century kirtle pattern I used for myself when making my own set of garb.  Yes, I'm swimming in it.  That's because I'm about half his size.  As an idea on proportion, it's supposed to only go to his knee, and comfortably fitted in the chest.
Also, those drawings are all mine from high school.


Everything that I'm wearing here, I made.  The scale bra is entirely hand woven, and I made up the pattern as I went along.  The scale belt is actually a crocheted base, because I learned to crochet scale into a panel.  


Better shot of the back of the belt.  It's all tightly woven chain mail, mixing a few patterns.  The base for that killed my hands something fierce.

I'm also crocheting a new belt, am in the process of making Lux a kilt, and a ton of other things.
Yes, I make everything, because if I don't, I'll go insane.

Thursday, August 28, 2014

Codes

I often hear men talking about a desire for women with no or little morals.  Whenever they show their excitement over it, it makes my thoughts go Princess Bride all over the place.

This does not mean what you think it means.

Morals can cover our entire life code.  Being able to set personal limits based on what we believe are the actions of a good and true person, and sticking to them is a sign of strength.  We challenge ourselves with our morals against the obstacles life throws at us.

It's not having unprotected sex with new partners, even if it means not fucking when you want to.

It means being honest to your partners.

Morals help us build bonds between people.  It makes us consistent, reliable partners.  Finding someone with a similar moral code helps find compatible mates that can live together.

To live without morals is to live without any regard for yourself or anyone else.  It endangers lives, and destroys our connection to the world.

And I suppose if you felt that way yourself, you may find companionship in someone similar, until you both fucked each other over long enough that you couldn't be around the other.

Personally, I have very strong morals, for the ones I have.  They make me a trustworthy person, who lives somewhat safely, while still being able to enjoy all the experiences life throws at me.
And really, that's something worth striving for.

Sunday, August 24, 2014

Expectations

I saw a post on Fet the other day that made me rage.  Saying that sluts have standards sometimes, and that they need to be taken out on classy dates in order to consider fucking a guy, and that it is what is necessary before fucking is even an option.

The fuck now?

I mean, I'm all for being careful and picky about partners; it's something I do myself.  I don't fuck people I've just met, and I don't fuck people without chatting a while first.

There's a huge difference though.

She said she wanted someone to drop a ton of cash to take her out somewhere that she would need to be dressed up, having someone more or less buy their way into her pants.  I just want to become friends with a person first.  Chatting, giggling, finding common interests.  Sex is better when there is a bond, and being able to snuggle and share nerdy ideas afterward makes it just fantastic.  I however, don't want someone to throw money at me.  It feels fake, and I'd much rather just run around in the woods for an afternoon, and then make out in the middle of a forest without anyone else around.

This is part of why some guys feel they need to buy their way into a girl's pants, or that if they go through these gestures, they are entitled to sex.

And I know a lot of girls who are this way, and it is the reason I am constantly trying to tell guys not to randomly buy me things, or do things for me.

Mind you, I am a fan of dates when I'm looking to date someone, but my preference of a date is never anything that takes me out of what I would feel natural doing.  I feel like a date is anything that creates intimate time between people, where the focus is on enjoying and learning about each other, and putting the world aside.  Taking a walk through the woods, going to a museum and sharing random facts, going to a favorite dive and learning food preferences, getting a cup of coffee and going for a drive, sitting on a boardwalk and enjoying a cigar together.  They are all fantastic dates that build a bond between people, and help me learn about who I'm with.

I feel like so many people are too caught up in status and society to get right down to what we're really looking for on a base level.  Finding something to enjoy about the person you are with, and building strong, loving bonds.  And if that's not what you're looking for, at least an attraction to the person themselves, that lets you enjoy them, and feel like you can keep them in your life even after you mash privates.

Thursday, August 21, 2014

Symbiosis

I've been craving power exchange fairly constantly lately, so I thought I might write about it.

As a switch, I often look at both sides of exchange fairly carefully with any of my partners.  I find it is easy for me to figure out what they're thinking, and explain things that relate to them.

Power exchange is inherently that.  An exchange.
And oddly enough, and equal one.

Oh yea, that's right.  Two people are in a relationship as equals, even if some elements have some extreme skews to them.  And that makes those people happy, gives consistency, comfort, and fulfills the needs of both people in the relationship.

On a base level, they are two people who want to take care of one another, with needs that fit together in a way that makes both their lives easier and happier places to be.  Power exchange with a partner should feel natural, though the addition of real life is what presents the challenge.

Domly folk enjoy taking care of a person through guidance.  They want to see a person flourish, grow, and become something great.  Seeing that happen, and knowing they had a hand in it does feed their own ego, but they enjoy simply seeing the person evolve, and rise to their potential.  In response, they push themselves to grow, and learn along with their partner, both constantly pushing and reaching new levels of awesome.

Submissives tend to use service as means of caring for their partner.  Taking on chores, and tending to the more regular needs of the domlyfolk.  This in turn takes a lot of weight off their partner's shoulders, so they can work on taking care in return.  They fill the holes the other person has, taking on their weaknesses, and making them both stronger in the long run.

It is a constant cycle of working alongside the other, acting and giving thanks, that shows the appreciation the two have for each other.

And yes, I do believe that both submission and dominance should be earned, but it should be the same as earning a person's trust, care, and love.  Show someone that you are honest, that you appreciate them, that you grow from them being there, that you are nothing but yourself around them, and that you will be consistent with them in your life, and it'll bring about a more solid exchange of power than any amount of play could.

Sure, the kneeling, begging, hitting, demands, use, tying, degrading, and force are sexy, but they aren't what inspires the exchange.  They aren't what causes that sense of contentment and rightness that we are all searching for.  We create that in the everyday exchange we have.

Sunday, August 17, 2014

Net Possession

While perusing facebook, I often see little relationship pictures show up on my feed.  Cute thoughts about what makes someone feel at peace in a relationship, or what they want in a mate.  A lot of the time I'm fine with these, and even find a good number of the cute, or able to relate to them.

In the past week though, I've been bombarded with a myriad of these that absolutely make me flail with rage.

Lists of things girls want in a mate, and claiming that a good partner shouldn't look at pictures of their preferred gender, like anything they post, or talking to them in any form.

I just... the fuck?

And people I know post this shit.  It's controlling, over-possessive, and just ridiculous.  As if anyone should call off contact with half the world just to be involved with one person, is insanity.

Personally, most of my friends are male.  For someone to tell me that I can't talk to them, or look at the pictures they post, or show appreciation of their life, just shows insecurity on the other person's part.

I am unsure when social media became such a controlling factor in so many of our lives.  To give rules to someone else, or feel that someone's actions on a website could change the way we feel about them is something I find absolutely incredible.

Can we just learn to trust the person we're with, and understand and enjoy that they have a fantastic life they've decided to share with us, and we are not in control over?  We are all living a complex life that blossoms, grows and evolves.  We shouldn't do anything to stunt that in our lives, or someone else's.

Thursday, August 14, 2014

Inside Information

I know I've mentioned being a sociopath on here.
It's not a joke when I say it.  Be around me for more than a day or so, and you'll start to see it.  I won't bother to censor my comments, and it'll become startlingly obvious.

Due to this, and my love of psychology in and of itself, when something comes up about how the average person perceives a sociopath or a psychopath, I jump at the opportunity to read it, and often giggle at how they believe the mind works.

But I'll let you in on a secret.
Most of that is wrong.

Yes, we do tend to be highly intelligent.  For me at least, this is because of a highly logical mind.  I can think through things with a complex process, which doesn't get clouded by emotionally driven thoughts.  If fact, I don't feel many emotions that other people do.  I often have to fake emotion while I'm with other people because I don't actually feel it myself, and know that not reacting in a similar fashion will cause issues.

Relating to people is difficult for me.  I lack empathy due to my logical nature, and so I do not understand the motives and decisions of more emotionally driven people.  This has made it so that I connect to very few people.

In fact, I am so disconnected to the vast majority of others, I often say that I view them as lab rats.

Many things claim sociopaths are manipulative because they are compelled to lie.  I am always honest, but I love seeing how people react, and wonder how they will process and respond to different stimuli and situations.  It is the biggest pull of my dominance and my sadism, and I frequently have to remind myself that others need to be respected and treated as equal beings; not just as experiments and educational fodder.

It's an interesting thing, to live as something most people avoid, and be able to hide it most of the time.  For the friends of mine that are well aware of it, it is something we all joke about, they accept, and expect from me.  When people overreact to things I say, I simply have to remind them that I do not process the emotional responses to how I say things, and only the logical chain of events.

To be honest, it's fun.

The world is a toy.  Something to play with, and learn from all the reactions to different stimuli.  People really are fascinating creatures, although they can be rather predictable.

Sunday, August 10, 2014

Venturing Elsewhere

My relationship with Thrax was my first venture into an open relationship.  We saw how well that went though...

Most of my relationships prior the other person had demanded, or needed monogamy.  And we know how most of those went as well.
Oh well, those aren't what this post is about, so fuck them.  Or don't, more appropriately.

When Thrax and I first started opening up our relationship, every girl we knew started contacting me about how I could let him fuck someone else and be OK about it.
I gave them all the same explanation.

So long as things are taken care of at home, I don't care what extra curricular stuff goes on.  So long as I know I still belong in the spot I'm in, and nothing changes between myself and my significant other, it is their decision to take on other partners.  I just want to know that I am still desired, cared for, and at the end of the day, they think of me as they go to sleep, even if in someone else's bed.

I'm not the type of person to go hunting after new partners.  I have friends, and sometimes with certain friends, bumping uglies can occur.  Generally when I'm in a relationship, most of these friends back off, out of basic respect, and that's cool.  Some of them also tend to just let me take the lead, because they aren't quite sure what the situation is, and that's cool too.  I personally tend to want to fuck my significant other almost exclusively, because when I hook up with someone else, it just gives me a giggly story that I want to share with them, and then I want time to be intimate and affectionate with them, showing how much I care, and feeling the connection we have.

There is a reason that they have the spot in my life that they do.  There is a connection that I don't get to enjoy with anyone else, as it is ours, and unique.  I want to feel that more often than whatever it is I have with someone else, and I want my partner to know how much I appreciate that bond, and how much I care for them, no matter who else is involved in my life.

And I understand not everyone works that way.  Hell, as soon as Thrax and I opened up our relationship, it became remarkably clear how much he didn't want to fuck me, and just wanted to hook up with other girls, woo them, and keep me around just as the convenient girlfriend.

That's not something I can do again, nor will it be something I stand for in the slightest.

However, if you want to look for other partners, that's cool.  We can even look for them together.  I'll set up dates for you if you want.  Take care of me first, and it's all kosher.  Come back to me later that night to snuggle as we giggle about how you left hand prints on their ass for me, and it's even better.

Thursday, August 07, 2014

Regular Rotation

I've been seeing a lot of articles getting attention lately, about why you should have sex with your partner every day.  Giving tons of reasons, most of them valid, and a ton of great experience to back it up.

However, do I agree with it?
Not really.

Sure, I'd love to be in a position where I could fuck every day.  Hell, multiple times a day if possible, but that's just my own nymphomania talking.

Sex on the regular is awesome, but it just takes the edge off the hunger that's always there.  What I believe is necessary, especially if living with a significant other, is all the small gestures of physical intimacy.  Someone can have sex every day, and have it fall into routine like everything else they do, and begin seeing it as just a normal motion of the day.  We take our partners for granted, without showing them the appreciation and desire they deserve.

Quiet snuggles before bed.  Holding the person you care about and kissing them gently on the forehead just before falling asleep.  Grabbing them as they walk by to hug them tight, and kiss them with such desire they need to stay in your arms for a few moments longer just to be able to walk away.  Randomly running your hands over their body, under their clothes.

These little gestures based on desire alone, show the appreciation of your partner and their presence.  It's the pure intimacy behind the actions, and the uniqueness of each one that keeps it from feeling like routine.

We need to remember how much we care about our partners, and the growth they promote within us.  It is important we not forget to thank them for that, as often and naturally as possible.

And yes, sex is important.  Sex is even better on the regular, because the more we get, the more we tend to want.  It increases desire, lets off pheromones, and builds the bond between us and our partners.  It also feels like an obligation for some people after a while.  Or we are tired, or stressed, or sick, and simply don't have the time and energy to fuck.  These times especially we should never let physical contact fall to the wayside.  These are the nights where you curl up on your partner, tell them how much you care about them, and how wonderful they make you feel.  Hold them tight, kiss them with all the emotion you can muster, and tell them that while you're not feeling up to fucking, you want them to know they still light up your existence like no one else can.

Life gets in the way sometimes, and we need to remember that our partners are a part of our lives, and something that makes our lives as fantastic as they are.  It's our job to make sure they know that.

Sunday, August 03, 2014

Going Beyond

I'm not the kind of person to use safewords.  I tend to communicate to who I'm playing with fairly clearly, whether verbally, or non-verbally.  In general, the words "No" and "Stop" don't occur unless something is wrong and needs immediate attention.  It's a pretty easy system to understand, follow, and respect.

This also goes into why I'm not terribly fond of role-play personally.  The more grey area you add, the more difficult things can become.

Top this off with the fact that I always want sex, and my love of CNC becomes something most people dismiss away as not being possible.

And you know what?  Those are probably not the people I would trust with it, and they wouldn't have the mind to figure out all the ways which it is easily possible for me.

There are a few people out there who I trust absolutely.  Those that could walk up to me at any time, take me to my breaking point, and tiptoe that line until I shatter, and they get everything they want.  Then scoop me up, snuggle me back together, hand me coffee, and giggle with me until we're back to normal.

And to be honest, they'd all probably doubt they have that freedom with me.  Despite the fact that they know I trust them that much, and that they could use that force to simply take from me.  They're too concerned for me to reach out and take that liberty, and that is exactly why I do trust them that much, because they will care enough to put me back together, and make sure I am feeling solid before we try to do anything else. 
Like food.  Cause right after a beating, or something heavy like that, I'm probably going to want a burger.

There are plenty of times, knowing how my own mind works, where CNC is a total possibility, and it will make me cranky, then happy, then cranky, then broken.  Knowing when those times are shows that you know something about me at all, and that you can think ahead enough to plot it all out.
Or it's that you know I'll enjoy it in the long run, get over the crankiness, and you simply want to indulge yourself in desire for me.  Both of these things are pretty hot when you get down to it, and perhaps something I need in my life more.