While talking to my mother the other day, she said a lot of things that really got under my skin, but one of the things she said was "You know, your father and I just keep hoping you'll find a boy to marry and take care of you and the baby."
Now, my parents have been married damn near forever. My mom was 19 when she got married, and just 18 when she met my dad. My father is three years older. It became very apparent to me at some point that a side effect of their marrying young seemed to keep them from maturing psychologically.
And her comments on marriage always kind of bother me. She believes that a couple should go from casually seeing each other to engaged. I'm talking within a six month span. That if you're not getting married, it's a waste of a relationship, and that you shouldn't talk to any other guys while you're engaged.
Now, I'm the kind of person who doesn't really romanticize marriage the way most people do. I never had those dreams of planning out the perfect wedding, or the idea of my dream husband. It's not this vow of undying love.
To me, it's saying I trust you to be there, because you've proven it time and again. I trust you to make decisions regarding my life if I am unable to. I trust you to attach your name to mine, so we can take care of each other as it's needed. And sure, there are a ton of legal reasons to get married. I don't see any of it as something I need to do though.
A relationship can have just as much meaning, or more without a piece of paper saying you have a legal connection to someone.
Two of my close friends got married last year after being together for fifteen years. They got married because they had been having issues with polyamory, and wanted to give peace of mind that neither one was going anywhere. Now, they're in a fantastic place. A short while after they finally got married, she looked at me and explained how much their bills went down due to getting married, and said "There's actually decent reasons to do this crap".
They called each other husband and wife for years beforehand. They considered themselves stuck with each other until the end of time regardless of a license.
And sometimes, that doesn't happen. Sometimes a few years in you grow apart, and it's not to say that the relationship was a failure, it simply meant that you didn't grow on the same path.
The goal of a relationship is not to marry a partner. It is to enjoy your time with them, and know that when you're old and decrepit, they will be there to provide balance and and trust, and that you know you'll be able to do the same.
Now, my parents have been married damn near forever. My mom was 19 when she got married, and just 18 when she met my dad. My father is three years older. It became very apparent to me at some point that a side effect of their marrying young seemed to keep them from maturing psychologically.
And her comments on marriage always kind of bother me. She believes that a couple should go from casually seeing each other to engaged. I'm talking within a six month span. That if you're not getting married, it's a waste of a relationship, and that you shouldn't talk to any other guys while you're engaged.
Now, I'm the kind of person who doesn't really romanticize marriage the way most people do. I never had those dreams of planning out the perfect wedding, or the idea of my dream husband. It's not this vow of undying love.
To me, it's saying I trust you to be there, because you've proven it time and again. I trust you to make decisions regarding my life if I am unable to. I trust you to attach your name to mine, so we can take care of each other as it's needed. And sure, there are a ton of legal reasons to get married. I don't see any of it as something I need to do though.
A relationship can have just as much meaning, or more without a piece of paper saying you have a legal connection to someone.
Two of my close friends got married last year after being together for fifteen years. They got married because they had been having issues with polyamory, and wanted to give peace of mind that neither one was going anywhere. Now, they're in a fantastic place. A short while after they finally got married, she looked at me and explained how much their bills went down due to getting married, and said "There's actually decent reasons to do this crap".
They called each other husband and wife for years beforehand. They considered themselves stuck with each other until the end of time regardless of a license.
And sometimes, that doesn't happen. Sometimes a few years in you grow apart, and it's not to say that the relationship was a failure, it simply meant that you didn't grow on the same path.
The goal of a relationship is not to marry a partner. It is to enjoy your time with them, and know that when you're old and decrepit, they will be there to provide balance and and trust, and that you know you'll be able to do the same.
Comments
Post a Comment