Sunday, March 29, 2015

Conditioning

Lux and I respond to random questions that float around on Tumblr once in a while, sharing our thoughts on power exchange, and level happy relationships. 

Lately, he posted on one that asked if a submissive can train a domly person.

And, I feel like people don't look past the very surface of things far too often.

While no, I don't think a submissive can train someone who is dominant in a princessy sort of way, there is a sort of training that occurs whenever two people form any sort of bond.

Friends figure out what sort of music they both enjoy to listen to together, or what their favorite candy is for when they have a bad day.
Vanilla relationships learn about favorite restaurants, how they enjoy their coffee fixed, and what sorts of video games they can binge play.

And in power exchange, we learn things like how a submissive asks for attention, if they enjoy pain as a reward, or need it to be like a punishment to enjoy it, if they get off on dehumanization, or if it makes them squick. 

Part of any relationship is learning about each other.  It's a factor that makes the beginning of any partnership so exciting.  Learning those little details, and seeing how they work together is fun, and if you pay attention, that learning and training never really ends.  As we all grow and evolve, we should be looking to our partner to see how they do as well, and enjoy seeing how they become a more fantastic person is how any relationship stays strong.

Those little details and nuances are extremely important in making any friend or partner truly happy.  It's not difficult, it only takes some real care for those you want around you.


Thursday, March 26, 2015

Lack There of

I know I post a lot about how things are so much different now than when I was with Thrax, but here's another post, so you just have to deal with it.

Thrax had a lot of extraneous rules for me.  Things like where to walk when out with him, having to hand him money so he could pay for things, and lots of random little stuff that really served no purpose.
And, it really just made me not want to follow any of the little rules he had.  The ones of basic respect of course, but the ones that felt like he was just waving his dick around I had no interest in.  It felt like that was all he cared about, on the rare occasion he even acknowledged our dynamic.  To the point where he'd really only do so if he was trying to get me to answer him in the way he wanted, whether the answer be honest or not.

So, while Lux and I were snuggled up last time I saw him, I brought up that I have no actual rules, but a lot of things that I treat like rules.  He agreed, and said that he was fine with things being that way, because he trusts me enough, and knows who I am to be sure that I don't need a pile of hard and fast rules to be kept in line.

And really, staying in line for him just means being honest, being there for him, and not punching him in the dick. 

Yea, listening to him, and being a responsible partner is up there too, but those are the three big ones.

I give myself a lot more rules than that when it comes to him, though.  I run potential partners by him for play, take care of him as best I can, and let him know where I am, and I won't be submissive with anyone else, even the slightest bit.

None of these are rules that I've been given, but to me they are simple acts of respect, and things I should be doing with a partner that I care about.  And if he ever gave me actual rules, I'd be more inclined to follow them, because he saw the need to actually formalize it as something that must be adhered to.

Right now though, no formal rules is enough for me.  I enjoy our accidental dynamics which builds on trust and respect itself.


Sunday, March 22, 2015

Spring Cleaning

Now that everything is finally calming down, and all the holidays, birthdays, and cons are done for a while, I'm feeling less bogged down, and more ready to tackle the rest of things.

I'm looking forward to winter being done, and being able to adventure in the woods, and go places without freezing my ass off.  I've been figuring out what I already have planned for the summer, and what garb I need to make for events. 

I've also been looking up more simple recipes and trying to make everything a lot easier for when Lux and I are camping together.  We generally stick to a plan where if he drives, he just needs to pack his garb, and armor, and I have everything else covered, but that still means having to figure out everything we both need.  And that counts extra for when I start figuring out Pennsic, when we'll be going for a week, and need to think about space in the car.

I find myself feeling more creative when it comes to wanting to make things.  I'm full of new ideas, and want to try and make as much as possible right now.

I think the last dreary bits of winter are still killing my motivation to get to all this, but I'm hoping that with the coming nice weather I'll be able to kick that in the ass and really get down to business.


Thursday, March 19, 2015

Creeping Up

I've made a lot of progress in getting over the shit that Thrax put me through.  Things that I knew were because of him, and others that I hadn't considered have all levelled out.

Apparently though, there are still some things that hadn't been settled, and I had to deal with completely in person to find out they were there.

On a more simple end, the pipe I mentioned on Sunday.  I'm so used to  ignored, and never getting random gifts.  To see others being given things that I showed interest in, and being dismissed.  Actually receiving a surprise gift had completely left my mind as a possibility.  It was such an amazing and happy surprise to receive even such a simple gift.

On a more serious, and slightly less pleasant note, I discovered something that I'd never even thought would be an issue.

While I was with Thrax, the vast majority of the time we had the same routine broken record of sex that lasted about ten minutes from the first thought to being finished.  The only time we played was when he was drunk, because he was too smashed to feel intimidated by me.  And when he was drunk, and I was sober, it was also every time that he crossed lines, and ignored limits.  So many times that he did everything that he knew was a limit for me, and ignored me trying to stop him, or would stop just long enough to try and manipulate me into continuing.

Lux has been far more comfortable being domly lately, which I enjoy moreso because it shows him getting over the things that were keeping him from doing what he knows he enjoys.  And because he was being social, he felt safe drinking, and got just barely drunk.  I had almost as much as he did, but only had the slightest feeling of warmth from booze. 

So, we go to bed, tired and full of far more food than most people comprehend eating in a day, and as normally for us, start fucking.  At first, it's happy snugglefucks, with him being dommypants, and me being all about it.  Then, he stops, and starts gnawing at my stomach and ribs.  He's making sure to bite down on large amounts, and not pinching with his teeth, which he knows is exactly what I enjoy.  However, something perked up in that moment about how when Thrax was drunk he ignored me completely, and I had this abstract fear of Lux crossing lines and not stopping if I needed him to. 

I kept telling myself that I was with Lux, and he wasn't Thrax, and that I'm safer with him than anywhere else.  Arguing with myself about the situation.  By the time I knew I was safe though, my mind was far too panicked to keep going, and I needed the security of stopping. 

So I said no.  It took a few times for the word to come out clearly, but within seconds of me saying it the first time, and Lux hearing it, he had stopped, and I was curled up in his arms.

And that handful of seconds calmed me down completely.  That mental confirmation that I was safe, and I was cared for made me feel absolutely comforted from where I was.  Lux of course took extra time to be sure I was settled, so we snuggled, and shared affection, and spilled our hearts out to each other.  I could tell Lux felt better after saying a lot of it too, and we discussed things like the differences between how he handles both Nes and myself.  He spoke more on his fears after his last relationship, and we both kind of broke down walls to feel safer. 

Then we had lots more snuggly sex, and instead of being bitey, he was very grabby, while being domly, and much less forceful over all.  A great way to show the comfort we felt, and get back to our peaceful normal.


Sunday, March 15, 2015

Silly Hobbitses

This weekend, Lux, some other folks and I got together to have a day we entitled Eat Like a Hobbit Day.  We all hung out, had movies going, and I cooked seven meals throughout the day, all from scratch, which left us all in a serious food coma. 

Lux picked up mead and rum (and got himself plenty tipsy both nights we were there, more on that another time), so we drank a bit, but with all the food it didn't matter.  We were exhausted to the point of practically falling asleep some time after lunch, though that was probably due to having fucked Lux for several hours the previous night.  Oh well.

All in all, the day went well.  All the food got out on time, and without issue.  It was all delicious, and everyone enjoyed it.

I also got to see, and have been continuing my experience with very comfortable and happy poly situations.  It is such a dramatic difference from the past that despite feeling like I could never have it in my life previously, I am now fine with having it around me in this fantastic, honest, and open way.  I'm still not polyamorous in the slightest, but I am very comfortable and welcoming of it in this manner.

However, back to the noms!  I do believe Lux will be eating leftovers for the next week or so, but he'll be eating well.  There are a lot of cookies, yes, but there's also very hearty soups and such.  He doesn't enjoy cooking, and well, he shouldn't have to worry about it for a while.

Also, Lux got himself a new pipe that he was enjoying all weekend, and surprised me with the one I said I liked from the maker as well!  It's a very tiny, simple pipe, but it fits me, and it's interesting to taste the differences in tobacco between the two.  When I saw it, I pointed out that it was one that I said I enjoyed, but he didn't like as much (he wanted a huge one with a dragon on it.  Big surprise.)  And a friend said that he probably got it for me.  I hadn't even considered that an option initially, but that's likely the effects of my past.  More on that soon!

All in all a fantastic weekend that I am very grateful for.


Thursday, March 12, 2015

On the Inside

Every so often I mention to Lux some of the things that go through my head during sex.  Usually, it's the more mundane things, and odd trains of thought. 

He joked about how not sexy my internal monologue is, to which I had to remind him that there are about a dozen things constantly going, some significantly sexier than others.  He agreed, but his more prominent ones are him enjoying what is going on.

So, examples of the thought processes running through my head during sex.

  • I'm pretty sure this would split most normal people in half.  This feels fantastic.  Can we keep this up for a couple hours?
  • I need to adjust, my body is getting used to how this feels.  Tuck in the pelvis a little more.... Oh yea, that was the a good idea.  Apparently he agrees too.  Yay!
  • I'm not sure if this is good pain or not, but I'm about to cum, so it can't be that bad.
  • Dear sweet fuck you're sexy.  How do I grope you more?
  • Oh, my pain tolerance is really good today.  I need to hurt you so you'll hurt me more...  
  • And my whole self went tingly.  What did you do so I can get you to do it more?
  • Oh no!  My legs don't go that way... I need to adjust!  And hyper extension... Balls... Wait, there's the endorphins.  I no longer care.
  • You're making a lot of noise today.  That's really hot.  
  • I'm pretty sure you're saying something, and I'm sure it's supposed to be sexy, but I am way too spaced out to catch words.  It's a good thing you repeat yourself so I can try to focus.
  • I really want to make you cum like a dozen times.  I know it's not likely, but oh do I want to.  My stubbornness will keep me from tiring out until it happens.

And these thoughts kind of continue on their own trains, throughout the entire session.  They sort of cycle their way through being louder, or more in the background, but they're all there.  And a few extras that change entirely on what is going on at the time.

Sunday, March 08, 2015

Reminders

Lux came to visit and spend some quiet time with me last weekend.  It was a fantastic time to really relax, and clear my head, and be silly.  There was also a ton of groping and sex, even if not the play we had planned.  Still, I absolutely loved every minute, and wish I could have gone back north with him, to keep that fun peace going.

My pain tolerance was particularly high, and I was craving either snuggly slow sex, or incredibly rough and violence fucking.  At certain points, I got both.

Also, I spoke earlier of how voices have a serious effect on me.  Lux would be one of those people who knows how.  There are times when he can order me to cum, and I will be nowhere close until he says it.  Then it's right there and happening.  There's also been times when I will sit right on the edge of getting off until he tells me to, unable to actually get my body to let go.  There's also times when he's being particularly domly, and being all objectifying, then gives me a little kiss on the cheek, and it makes me giggle to myself.  Because it is such a reminder of how we will use force that makes people fear for their lives, and it's just us, and we'll be no less snuggly and silly after.

There was also a moment this weekend where Lux popped his belt over my head and began choking me with it.  He was pulling tightly, and for a long time, holding me against him.  He hit the point where I was seeing spots, and feeling fuzzy, and I came just from being choked.  Sometimes I forget that I can get off just from pain, because it does take such an intense amount of it.  It was this fantastic reminder, that had me floating, and craving more.  More fucking, more feeling Lux on me, more choking, more power exchange, more pain.

Where Lux was his paranoid self making sure I was cool, I was grabbing onto him because I wanted so much more.

I forget sometimes how addicted I become to the feelings of pain, and power exchange.  Usually I keep them in line, and it's not very often that I get to really indulge at a point where it has a real effect on me.  Once it happens, and if I have a partner I've built a connection with, it gets me off so much faster than anything else, gets me totally spaced out, and I'll be giddy for a long while after.

Thursday, March 05, 2015

The Problem with Words

I'm a language nerd.  Whether it is listening to the speech patterns of others, or learning the odd ways that the English language works, I am absolutely enthralled with communication.  Whenever I can, I will teach myself bits of other languages and dialects; learning the littlest inflections on accents to make sure everything sounds and translates perfectly.  One of my favorite innate skills is actually my ability to understand spoken language, being able to translate for people, even if I can't speak a word of it.

On Christmas, I posted some examples of how I also enjoy simply listening to some voices.  Not in the ASMR aspect, as I don't really enjoy that, but some voices turn me on at a normal speaking tone, far more than most people realize, and more than the vast majority of my partners in the past had thought to utilize.

And no, I'm not necessarily referring to dirty talk, but I'm getting there.  Simply having serious conversation in the right tone will make my clothes explode off my person.  Hell, even silly times when spoken the right way will.  It all goes into tonality.

And adding hokey porn tones to it doesn't do it at all.  In fact, it will just make me giggle, and feel like you're trying too hard.  Sure, for partners I've been with a while, sometimes it will make me giggle and snuggle, but generally, it just comes off like a desperate attempt to get in my pants, and desperation in even the smallest amount will get you nowhere.

Now, when it comes to actual dirty talk, a lot of the time, that makes me giggle. It sounds hokey, and forced, and scripted, and I find it distracting.  I've had partners in the past that I've told to just shut up, because their talking during sex was more bothersome to me than anything.  It sounds rehearsed, and routine, and not organic, the way all things during sex should be, at least for me.

As a side note, boys making general sexy time noises though, always yes, and always more please.

Personally, I have issues with dirty talk in person.  Like most verbal communication, I am constantly trying to put things together in the best possible way, and while this can make me fantastically witty in social situations, it slows me down a lot of the time.  During serious conversation, I'm making sure I want to be understood entirely.  During sexual situations, I don't want anything to sound stale, or routine.  Those moments where I'm left putting together responses, I can much better say with a kiss or a touch.

There's also this little issue I have during sex or play.  When things are going well, I am unable to speak.  I make plenty of happy noises, so it's obvious things are good, but forming words and making them come out of my face just doesn't work.  I may be thinking of a thousand different things to say, but very seldom do any of them get said.  Often times tops have to pull words out of me, even though I can respond non-verbally to anything they ask.

And if anything goes wrong, or needs adjusting, I can get those words out no problem.  My mind clears, and I can speak without issue to get things going smoothly again.  Once things get going again though, my ability to speak gets put aside, and I'm right back to happy noises with no real words coming out.

However, even if I can't respond, a partner using their voice can absolutely be a wonderful tool.  It's all just about keeping things organic, and having fun.

Sunday, March 01, 2015

Words Words Words Words Words

If you haven't been able to tell, I'm rather comfortable using what would normally be considered "foul" language.  I swear a lot (though not around the beast) and try to turn insults and threats into an art form of sorts.

However, if you pay attention, there are a few terms that are normally considered fairly tame, that I find awkward to use, and so they are simply written here to provide variety, and I never say them in person.

I don't find them offensive, they just feel odd for me to say.

It's one term each for both type of human genitalia.

Pussy- I just find it silly to say.  It feels awkward, and I don't feel like it seems appropriate to my methods of speech.  I'd much rather say "Vagina" "Cunt" or "Va-goo".

Dick- It sounds infantile.  However, there are a hundred thousand more terms for male genitals that I can constantly be creative and pull out random funny terms.  Usually though, I just say "Penis" or "Cock".

Language is fun, but there are some words that just never grow on us.