I'm fairly certain that I've mentioned before that I thought I was asexual through my teens. What was my sex drive, I assumed was just a normal feeling, and a craving more for adrenaline than sex. I dated more as a change of scenery than anything, and had no real attraction to them.
Everyone I fooled around with when I was younger was what I now know fits into my (admittedly broad spectrum of) physical "type". They were just my friends though, so I didn't think anything of it. However, my dating history didn't reflect that.
Sure, my first boyfriend fit the bill, but he had no self confidence, and was incredibly insecure, and so it destroyed his only real chance. I barely wanted to put my hands on him, and he was so sexually closed minded that it was a good thing we only lasted six months.
The next few people I dated were tall, but skinny, and again I had no real attraction. It's a good thing they lasted even less time.
I was still in high school at this point, and did find myself attracted to a few people there, and at some of the places I frequented. They all fit a certain body type, but I wasn't thinking about that. I just continued to think of it as the constant annoyance of my libido, that I was very ignorant about.
When I wasn't dating someone though, I was fooling around with Kitty, who was not only my type physically, but personality wise as well. And with a sex drive as high as mine, it is no surprise that we were constantly on each other, and he wound up getting my v-card.
After that, I became much more aware of what my sex drive actually was, how abnormally high it is, and started to realize that I do have a physical preference in partners.
My favorite discovery with this though, occurred in a way that absolutely proved my preferences.
Just before this blog started, was a wedding, and a party following, where family showed up, namely a friend's kid brother. After the entire weekend went by with everyone trying to talk me into fucking him, I was tired of telling them all that it wouldn't happen.
Mind you, this boy is adorable, and someone that most women would be tearing the clothes off of. He's a capoiera maestre, does free rock climbing, and is artsy. He's also super ripped.
So, we are curled up one night because we want to make everyone think we had sex to fuck with them. At one point, he takes my hand and slides it up his shirt, onto his abs.
My immediate thoughts were the following:
"Lumpy..."
"This doesn't even feel like a person"
"If this is an attempt for me to start groping, I feel awkward"
"Lumpy..."
"I think my vagina just sealed up and my junk crawled up into my chest"
"Lumpy..."
And so, I felt very confident in the fact that I do have a more specific preferred body type than I thought, and that I will continue to want to bang the shit out of men built like brick walls. Because big men need love too.
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