So, there's been a lot of stress at home lately. My brother recently moved down to North Carolina with his emotionally abusive girlfriend, and my uncle was declared terminal in the last couple weeks. My parents basically treat me like a punching bag for stress, and barely give me basic human respect normally, so I've been a wreck.
The Thursday before Father's Day my parents decided they were going to go see my uncle out near Chicago. The idea of being stuck in a car with them for two days each way, and with family members that I can't hold a conversation with for a week was giving me anxiety attacks, so I told them I didn't want to go. Upon discussing the trip to the beast, she also said she didn't want to go. I don't blame her. What six year old would want to sit in a car for two days at a shot?
Earlier before all of that, Lux had mentioned wanting to go see his family, and Nessa over the weekend. He also said he wanted to see me due to my already high stress levels. I told him I would be fine, and to prioritize the plans he already had. As the chaos of the week unfolded, I vented to him because I didn't have much way to decompress, and felt physically horrible due to the anxiety, and felt badly due to it, with him already trying to balance so much. He assured me I wasn't being a pain in the ass, but it didn't stop me from feeling like one, and so we continued through the week.
On Father's Day, we were grilling at home, and had some normal folks over, including the beast's best friend, who is a slightly insane four year old boy. At one point, while having to juggle about twenty things at once, I heard the front door open, and thought the little boy had run into the front yard. I pop my head out from the kitchen, and saw Lux standing there unexpectedly.
Sometimes, being a sociopath is less fun than others. His surprise had me feeling so incredibly happy, because I missed him, and adored the impromptu visit. But where some people would have leapt upon him, my happiness internalized, and while he very quickly got a hug, it wasn't the reaction most people would have. We snuggled as much as we could, and snuck off for a quick fuck, but even such a short visit helped me so much.
And now a few days later, his stress levels are higher, and his paranoia causes him to ask if we are ok. Well, here it all is.
I miss him. A lot. It's been over a month since we had real time together. I do have Kitty to talk to now, and we do want to get together face to face again, but he's not Lux, and they both have their own places in my life. However, the same thing will hold true. They both are stuck with me, in the exact place they have, until they either die, or seriously fuck up. And by seriously, I mean life altering fuck up. Something akin to permanent harm in regards to me or the beast. Until then, there's not much we can't talk out, and I'm not afraid to speak up if it happens. We are fine, and my only complaint is that I'd like to see you soon.