Sunday, August 30, 2015

Late and Lost

This is late in the evening, due to finally being home from my week with Lux.  It was a very relaxing time, where I did what I could to get caught up on the upkeep of his place, as well as my own projects.  I got to enjoy cooking for us all week, which lets Lux relax more. 

He was supposed to get work done with the extra time not spent on chores.

We played video games instead.

He had gotten a gift card for his birthday, and so I was given the job to find fun games.  I threatened to buy a ton of shitty dollar games.  I instead got a handful of fun multiplayer games for us to play together.  One of which may have made us completely mentally overstimulated, which had us giggling at everything afterward.

While gone, I made a lot of plans for projects over the fall and winter, which will have me very busy, but I really think everyone will love.  I'm really looking forward to all of it happening.

And of course, with Lux and I being together, there was a bunch of sex.  Maybe not as much as when we seriously marathon a weekend, but I find that when we're together for a long time, and we know that we have the whole time to bone, so we wind up just enjoying time together.

While talking to Kitty, he said that time with a primary is important, and centering no matter how it's spent, and he couldn't be more right.  Even with my cycle being where it's at, I didn't have my normal rage at the world.  Instead, I find myself now feeling a bit stressed, and overwhelmed.  I feel a bit lazy, and unwanting to go to most of my regular events coming up this month.

We'll see how I feel in a few days, and make plans from there.


Thursday, August 27, 2015

Logics

I was up with friends over the weekend (and am now spending a few days with Lux).  It was nice to see them, and catch up, but sometimes I am reminded of how some folks just never get over their past, and even more when they only see it as emotional abuse decades later.

I made the very like mistake of getting into the discussion of women crying rape with her.  She very vehemently demanded that there are no women who cry rape, and no such thing as legitimate next day regret.  That anyone who thinks they shouldn't have had sex after the fact, only felt uncomfortable or unsafe saying no at the time.  That women would never cry rape because they know about society today.

She even went on to say that an enthusiastic affirmation of consent means nothing, and that it has to be surely genuine or it means nothing.

And this is all well and good, in a fictional perfect world.  However, because humans are all different and varied beings, these statements will never be true. 

If you need to be sure of genuine consent, it's never safe to have a new partner.  I for one, was far more withdrawn with early partners that I wanted to be sexy with, because I didn't want to fuck it up.  With partners I wasn't sure of, I was the aggressor, because if I was in control of the situation, I could help ensure nothing happened that I was overly uncomfortable with (to current partners reading this, don't worry, I mostly grew out of this awkwardness).  No one has any idea how someone else will act during sex, and thereby has no idea how to tell when consent is completely genuine.

And, likewise, if you're being explicitly told "I want (x,y,and z)" and they say yes at the time, then the next day they look back and realize that it wasn't what they imagined, or they didn't enjoy it, it doesn't make it rape.  It means they simply didn't think about the situation fully, or have discovered something new about themselves.

And probably the most important point, is that if you don't yet feel comfortable saying no to anyone, you shouldn't be having sex.  And your mistake isn't rape, it's something to learn from, and a sign to wait.  Both times I was raped I was very clear in saying no, and fighting back.  It wasn't questionable in any way.  No, there wasn't a knife to my throat, or a gun to my temple (that's only been happy sexy time up to this point) which is probably the only time consent for your own safety is understandable, or obvious blackmail situations.

And, as for saying that women would never cry rape, she obviously knows nothing about today's actual society.  Women are afraid of being flamed and insulted.  They fear that mar on their reputation, to be called a slut.  Instead of the guilt of fucking someone they regret afterward, and feeling like they might be a slut, or have boys think they're an easy lay, they'll cry rape, get pity, villainize the boy, and be able to play the victim to get over the guilt, while enjoying the attention.

"It seemed like a good idea at the time" can apply to sex too.  And we don't say that thought was driven by force or manipulation every time. 


Sunday, August 23, 2015

Guilty Party

While reading through blogs lately, I came across one that discussed a man cheating on his submissive partner, and the after effects, as well as ideas on monogamy in today's society.

It mentioned how she felt guilty after.  That she deserved to be cheated on, and that it was her fault that her dom did what he did.  And dear gods did this throw up red flags for me.  It's such an external sign of emotional abuse.  That the partner who destroyed the trust in a relationship couldn't possibly have been a douchebag, but rather the other party was so horrible that it forced him to do what they did.

It's bullshit.

In case you read that wrong the first time, here it is again.

BULLSHIT.

No one deserves to be cheated on.  Nothing warrants the destruction of trust, or the pain involved in going behind a partner's back.  Even with everything partner's have done to me in the past, I never cheated on them in return.  It's such an inconsiderate action based on pure selfishness.

It then talked about how monogamy might not be a viable concept in today's society.

Which, is also bullshit.

If people are wired for polyamory, then they need to be upfront with that, and find a partner with compatible views.

If they prefer an open relationship with only one romantic partner, then the same theory applies.

And if someone is both monoamorous, and monosexual, again, they simply need to find a partner that fits them.

And if someone is a cheating asshat, then they need a searing hot metal blade shoved up their urethra, so they can't cheat anymore.

Cheating is not the need to have sex with multiple people.  It's throwing away concern for your partner.


Thursday, August 20, 2015

Comfort

One of the things I found interesting at Pennsic, was the lower amount of people hitting on me than anticipated.  Sure, I'm probably just being my normal oblivious self, and there were actually a ton, and Lux being nearby likely had something to do with it.  However, most guys that approached me seemed to just want to talk, and hang out.

Women however, seemed to be all about trying to get up on me.  Lux was pointing it out to me several times, when women were about a half step shy from grabbing my head and smooshing it into their chests.  I'm not sure if they were looking for my approval before moving onto Lux (which, I'm a terrible wingman.  Just go hit on him, because I have no interest in their vagoo) or just wanted me, but either way, it hit points of being awkward with how hard they were trying.

I talked to Lux about it on the way home.  He said that it's a bad reason, but the "what happens at Pennsic, stays at Pennsic" mentality does exist.  Women can embrace bicuriosity, and chalk it up to a bad drunken night if it doesn't work out.  Likewise, this is an event where there is a lot of hooking up going on, so it wouldn't look odd.  There's also a massive collection of people that don't fit into the heterosexual category there, so they can feel far more comfortable letting themselves act on those thoughts and desires. 

In the middle of this discussion, I felt the need to say very simply "Sorry Pennsic, I am very comfortable with my heterosexuality." To which he laughed.  Sometimes, it catches people offguard with how completely straight I am, and to be unwaveringly so. 

Perhaps I just need to become better at telling when boys are interested, so I can hit on them more.  Because damn were there some pretty menfolk, and a bunch of them were fighters.  Then I have more boys to perv on in armor, and not just Lux.  Who gets a ton of attention from me in his kit, don't get me wrong, but I'm not going to complain about a surplus of sexy menfolk.


Sunday, August 16, 2015

Checking Preferences

While at Pennsic, Lux and I attended a play party that I had been invited to.  We had discussed going just to people watch, chat with folks, and likely not play ourselves.  However, that evening while getting ready, he packed his rucksack full of smacky toys, and we headed out, through the block party, and on the hunt for the very secret play party.

While on the way, Lux kept pestering me to have the password, which was some dumb combination of terms that I don't even remember anymore.  He joked that I wasn't telling him so that I had leverage over the situation, and I assured him that it wasn't the case, and that he was still very much in charge. 

When we got there, it was still fairly quiet.  An old partner of Lux's was tending bar, and we ran into some friends to chat with.  While watching a suspension scene, Lux joked that I had to bring him to a party at Pennsic for him to hit me.  I told him that if I really wanted him to hit me, I'd just hit him first, which he agreed with. 

At this point, we ran into someone who is pretty well known at Flea where we go to every year, and wound up getting Lux an impromptu run down of pressure points.  I think he was a bit surprised that I wasn't in a lot of pain from any of it, while Lux understood, and kept careful watch over both the subject matter, and my state.

After that, we made out way over to some empty space, and set up for some whompin's.  He started on me with the twins, which are probably the toys he is the most comfortable with, and something we both enjoy for long periods of time.  They are a matching pair of very thuddy floggers, which he will start dancing with when swinging them and in a good mood.

Instead of dancing though, I noticed him hitting off his normal striking points though, and not in the way he normally hits.  I realized he wasn't quite comfortable, and so I was far more concerned with him than myself at this point.  Every time he checked in with me, I did the same with him, and could tell he was nervous, but wouldn't say a thing.  After a bit, he changed off to the tire jack he has, and when that hit me a bit oddly, he used it as reason to stop. 
We generally like to have relaxed, giggly violent time.  We don't get serious that often, because there's constant communication.  We like having room, and comfort, without people watching to judge.  Mind you, Lux is really fantastic with impact, and it is really fun to watch, but we just can't relax with those other people there, and so we have a harder time getting into it all. 

So we packed up, got some water, snuggled a minute, and made our way back through the block party where Lux used the power of his voice to get us invited into another camp to relax before heading back home.

We did something that we had not yet done together, and realized it just didn't jive.  So we took care of each other, and snuggled to level things out, and know for the future. 

This just means I need to beat him up more when I see him next so that we can get back to our normal fun violent ways.


Thursday, August 13, 2015

Returning

I am finally home from Pennsic, and hopefully soon will be fully unpacked and back to my normal routine.  The next few posts will likely be a smattering of thoughts on my week long adventure with Lux.

Our adventure started with loading up the car and having a big dinner.  We got to bed at a decent time, but wound up fucking several times throughout the night, which likely wasn't the smartest plan considering our long drive.  We woke up on time anyway, and got moving quickly, moving right along with the timetable we'd hoped for. 

When we got there, I had a lot to process and take in.  Most people claim this is an insane event that will change lives and all such manner of things.  I was a bit surprised in the fact that I didn't feel that, although the event is huge. 

I think part of the reason that it didn't have such impact on me is because of my past.  I've been camping since I was eight, doing faires since I was about ten, and larping since fifteen.  Kitty is a massive part of the burner community, and I frequent many faires and conventions now, so nothing was really foreign for me.

That being said, it is really beautiful to see.  Lots of period pavillions and encampments, as well as people who get very creative and industrious in their environment. 

So, anyway, once we arrived, there were some issues with our tent, and so we didn't get much set up at all.  Camp also decided that while they watched us unload, they would ignore the fact that we might want food, and ate all of dinner, leaving only a few scraps for us.   Lux also had a massive headache because he forgot to take his antihistamine in the way out, so all in all, my initial exposure to Pennsic wasn't the best. 

However, the next day, Lux and I got adventuring, and managed to find a lot of very cool stuff.  We got to finally relax a bit, get settled in, and I attended my first class, which while the teacher was disappointing, the subject matter made it much better.  I got to start helping cook dinners, and we made it out that night.

From there, Lux and I felt more comfortable doing things separately.  We could adventure on our own, knowing we'd be able to come back to camp and snuggle later, or head out together, not worried if we got separated for a while.  Often, Lux was hunting for me if we were at a party and trying to make our way through a crowd, just to be sure we could keep tabs on each other, but not worried about leaving one another alone for periods of time.

We ran into lots of fun people, and caused lots of mischief.  All in all, that means a successful week for me, and a new fun experience that I'm looking forward to writing more on.


Sunday, August 09, 2015

Giggle Limit

As of this going live, I should just be back from Pennsic.  Expect awesome stories about the adventure soon, but in the meantime, this last pre-prepped post shall be a silly story about new found limits.

Yes.  That's right.  New hard limits were discovered, and it will make you laugh.

So, last time I was up at Lux's apartment, we took a lot of time to relax and talk and catch up on things.  Part of this included the Youtube channels we watch, and several of them make references to each other. We will often throw on playlists, and let it go as background noise, giggling at the randomness that ensues.

We're also commonly naked when together, just out of comfort.

The particular channel we had on that day was called Game Grumps.
Go on, look it up.
In fact, look it up along with the word "Cranberries".
Then look it up along with "Sakura Spirit".

I'll give you a moment.  That way you can fully understand what is going on.

Now that you have an idea of this oddity, I'll continue.

We're both flopped on the couch, being silly, and watching this.  And because it's us, after a few minutes I start sucking his cock, which is a perfectly common thing to happen when we're relaxing together.  With this on in the background.

And then Lux starts quoting it.

Then he starts quoting in an old man voice.

And replacing random words with "cranberry".

You know, it's really hard to fight the giggles, and keep from choking, when there's a cock in your throat, and this shit going on.  At some point I throw myself back in a fit of laughter, and Lux doubles over.  He laughs so hard he starts almost choking, and winds up having to hold himself over the coffee table because he needs to brace himself while coughing so hard.

Needless to say, we stopped sexytime for a while.

Later that day, we have on something else, and the entire thing happens a second time, though this time with less coughing fits on his part. 

And so, we have decided that Game Grumps are a hard limit, and can never mix with sexytime.  It's just safer that way.


Thursday, August 06, 2015

Utility

Lux came over for his birthday, because he wanted to have some big get together with the people he cares about.  It had a wonderful turnout, and was honestly a great time.  We played video games afterward, and wound up being silly and having fun.

When we got back to my place, we were tired, but being us, sex was the higher priority at that point. 

Now, we haven't had much time to really decompress together.  There's been a lot of stress for both of us, and not much time to have that emotional release.  When I saw him on Father's day we snuck away for ten minutes for a quick fuck, as quiet as we could be while trying to go as hard as we could.  Then when he came down when the house was empty, there was a lot of loud sex, but again, that hard, rough sex to take the edge off of how we needed to fuck again.  Which was fun, in case that isn't obvious.

This time, in the two weeks we didn't see each other, there was a lot of emotional stress for both of us.  We have been acting as each other's rock, and trying to help as much as we can.  This time, instead of the lust driven, hard, exhaustive sex, we had the mind clearing, slower sex that sort of resets your stress levels and lets you feel more centered. 

It also lets me enjoy how hot Lux is more.  Because if I haven't mentioned it lately, he is damn sexy. 

And, despite his doubting in power exchange recently, during these slower times, he winds up being far more dominant, and this was no different.  He probably had more focus on power exchange than he has in a very long time, and I appreciated and enjoyed every moment of it.  He seemed to get more comfortable with it throughout the night, and into the morning (because it's normal for us to fuck before bed, in the middle of the night, and as we wake up), as his emotional state sort of settled, and knew that I was here, no matter what.

There is such a difference in all the sex we have, it's interesting to look at sometimes.  We also discussed things about sex and Pennsic, with how he would enjoy getting to fuck a ton of people, beat them, with me there to help, then enjoy time fucking me, and snuggling off to sleep, but he's perfectly happy if we wind up fucking constantly and that's all.

It is wonderful to have a partner who finds emotional comfort in me, and is open about wanting to have other partners, but has no intention of having any less sex with me either way. 

I am very lucky to have dominant like him, and I'll have to be sure to be extra well behaved while we're gone together, and spoil him rotten so he knows how much I appreciate him.


Sunday, August 02, 2015

Under Cover

I really enjoy being marked up.  A lot.  They're like pretty badges of honor for me; little reminders of the fun had, the person who put them there, and the pride of behaving well enough to earn them.

Now, in general it takes a lot to mark me up, so most slapping and grabbing will create a small red splotch that disappears in minutes.  It takes a good wailing to leave something on me that will stay.  That too makes me very proud of the marks I wear, because I withstood so much.

Now, one of the things I worried about with Pennsic, was walking around with my dance gear on and having people see my bruises and welts.  I generally try to cover them up in normal day to day actions, or if I'm performing at a family venue, but with classes, and parties and heat, I'd rather not have those extra layers. 

I worried how Lux would feel walking next to me, and the possible looks he would get as we held hands and I had purple wrapping around my hips.

But, I realized that I don't care what everyone else thinks, and so long as I'm comfortable, chances are that he will be too.  There's rarely any tension between us, and when we're walking around, we're generally just comfortable and giggly.  People stare at us already from how visually different we are, and the fact that we both stand out in a crowd normally.  If someone decides to come up and ask if he hit me, I will gladly smile and say yes, and that I hope he does so again while we're there so long as I behave well enough.

Chances are if I'm not at a class, we'll be together anyway, so I'm not too worried.  And at night I'll be dancing, and won't care at all. 

And if Lux is bothered, I have dresses, or I can steal one of his tunics.  It's not the end of the world.  Under clothing or not, I'm proud of every mark he gives me.