I've been trying to help Kitty a lot through his current relatioship. On the bright side, he's actually sharing the things going on with me, so that we can work through them.
After saying it was his preference, he's finally in his first poly relationship (despite how we were in the past, I was never actually his secondary). He's generally as protective and territorial as I am, which means there's more of a learning curve involved for how to deal with his primary having other partners.
And well, she found one. An old primary of her's, with a history of emotionally abusing her. Needless to say, that, and the fact that it completely turned their dynamic upside down piqued his jealousy, and he's been trying to work through it.
Well, months later, it's still there. And he knows himself well enough to say that this feeling is caused by the situation, rather than the people involved, so he continues to trudge on. One of the things that is likely not going to help with this though, is that he wants a "no veto" type of dynamic, because he's only seen it become a means of insecurity instead of safety, and he feels he should always be able to trust his partner.
And while trust your partner is important, the ability to veto partners is too. The aspect of checking in on potential partners opens up communication without having to go prodding or finding the right moment to bring things up. At that point, a fully informed veto either helps keep issues from arriving, or brings issues within the dynamic to the surface to be dealt with at a much higher priority.
It's when people just start saying no to everything, with no reasoning behind it that it becomes a problem. And that in itself shows that there are other things that need attention.
It all just makes a lot of things move more smoothly to be honest. The more open and level it all is, the easier it is to manage.
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