Closeted

Last weekend, I had to sit for my pseudo nephew while his father, who I refer to as an older brother, because he's been in my life since I was born helped my parents with something.  While waiting for a third person to show up, said older brother said I needed to supply anime, and we'd get booze later and have a night to bs.

And, it wasn't bad.  I picked out the booze, so nothing weird or gross was there. 

You know how most people get drunk, and feel relaxed, or have less inhibition?  Well, I lose motor function and that's it.  I actually get a bit more uptight sometimes because I get frustrated over that lack of physical ability.  I kept texting Lux saying how I don't understand why people enjoy being drunk.  I drink because I enjoy the taste of booze, but for me it's like having a piece of cake.  Every so often I want some, but after a serving, the craving is gone. 

Normally, he's used to only seeing me around my parents.  Which means I'm censoring the vast majority of what I would normally say.  Because I'm away from them, the conversation is just me.  Which means it's all weaving around in whatever direction it goes, and I'm completely unphased by everything.

He asks the very vanilla questions of sexual conquest.  Am I bisexual, or am do I like threesomes.  Am I into dual penetration, or do I like being spanked.  He was surprised my answers to most of these were a very settled and self aware no, with the simple comment that I often have to wear pants and long sleeves for a reason.

Then he started prodding.  Have I ever been attracted to him.  Am I sure.  Grilling me.  And I turn him down each time.  He is very not my type on any level, and he's so in my head as a brother, that my mind doesn't even process the concept.  And then I flat out say that between my two partners, I'm not looking to do anything sexual with anyone else.

He asks what I mean by two.  And I say that while neither Lux nor Kitty are my boyfriend, they are both very important people in my life, and we do have serious relationships, in whatever wibbly form they may be.  He looks at me, and tries to process this and understand it.  I tell him it's not something my parents know, and they shouldn't.

But, especially with this, maybe they should soon.  I may need to open that awkward can of worms at some point, and tell them that Kitty and I have had a very similar sort of thing that Lux and I have now for a long time.

And then deal with them shoving down my throat how I'm being a shitty person, leading them both on, and cheating on them.  Then saying I'm destroying Kitty's relationship at home, and all manner of misunderstood things.  But it might become necessary. 

I don't hide affection with Lux.  We snuggle around family, hold hands, give small kisses, and all the other tiny displays of affection.  And I do similar with Kitty.  It was part of why my parents hated him when I was a teenager, and if they see that affection now, it's going to force that conversation.

I can also only hide marks from two sadists for so long as well.  I'm not about to tell them not to hurt me, because it's fun, and we all enjoy it.  It's very likely they'll catch minor burn marks on me from Kitty though, or knuckle bruises on my hips from Lux, or bite marks on my chest from both of them.  Usually I tell some story that often isn't a total lie to distract her, but burns are a little hard to figure out a cover up for, as are obvious knuckle marks. 

They'll likely see me as some demented piece of shit after they find out, but they already treat me like one, and tell me that I'm one, so it's not like it can get much worse.

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