If you haven't gotten it yet, I'm not a big fan of the holidays. They seriously drain me, provide a massive amount of stress, and in general make me rather cranky.
And to top it off, my family has a tendency of forgetting me around this time of year. Treating me more like shit than usual, but ignoring, and forgetting about me. Mind you, I'm not the materialistic type. I don't want much, usually because anything I'm told I'll get by most never happens, or I'm told no to things I need. It's how I grew up, and it's always a bit of a shock to find out how abnormal it is.
But, as you can see, this sort of environment doesn't make for much Christmas spirit. It's why I'd get so upset with Thrax, when he'd literally spend thousands on Bit (usually on things from my wishlists, or that he'd previously promised me), then realize he forgot to get me anything, and yell at me that I was wrong and he was waiting for it to show if I asked, then finally admit he had no money because he spent it all on her and couldn't delay any longer.
It wasn't the money, it was being forgotten. It was seeing these other people who are blatantly negative sources being showered, and after doing everything possible for them, not even being considered. And then to be lied to, or given excuses, or put down for questioning, just makes me feel worse.
I don't even really need gifts honestly, just acknowledgement. To be told I'm important, and being considered and respected. Probably a massive part of why I do so much for others is because I just want that respect and some simple care in return.
Which, I'll be spending a good lot of time with Lux soon, and being spoiled and content with him. Exactly what I want and need.
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