There are times that I see how much I've grown over time, and how I've learned to see red flags, and just how much I truly won't put up with.
Unfortunately, I'm seeing this because of other people.
There are emotionally abusive people out there who purposely seek out those who are fresh out of relationships. People who hunt down those who have been single for a long time. The kind of people who know they are toxic partners, but don't want to change themselves to have healthy relationships, but hope they'll find someone that will believe their poison for the long term.
When someone gets out of an abusive relationship, or gets done with a bad break up, or has been unpartnered for a long time, it causes them to crave attention. To eat up any acknowledgement focused at them, and throw themselves at it, because they are so used to the opposite. They hope that this person that says positive things means them, even though they say it without knowing who they are.
And because you don't remember how healthy dynamics feel, you fall, and hard. The person sees this, knows the hook is set, and starts seeing what they can get away with. They make excuses, or blame everyone else, or create new reasons for doing the same thing over and over again. But they're so sweet, how could they possibly want something other than your happiness.
But it spirals quickly. It always does. No one can keep up a mask forever, and you're caught in the abusive trap again, but still don't remember what a healthy relationship is, if you've ever been in one at all.
And yes, I do know what this is like. It's the only reason I can see dating Thrax after breaking up with the gnome. After being treated like such garbage, I had someone so actively pursuing me. And it was better than things with the gnome were, so I assumed it would be a healthy dynamic after four years of abuse. Well, that was wrong.
However, I've taken time to look at what a healthy dynamic does look like. To know what basic respect is, and found people who do believe in returning it when I give it. Who may not shower me with praise, but speak it when it's necessary, and celebrate my flaws as being a part of me, rather than trying to throw shame at anything they don't agree with.
I no longer tolerate anyone who makes a pass at me without spending time with me as friends first. People that instantly fall for me make me want to run, rather than feel endeared. I've got a lot of things about me that so many people could never deal with, or that they want to acknowledge.
If people want to be in my life an important to me, they need to take the time to make that space. Let's learn each other, and build something organic and fun.
Unfortunately, I'm seeing this because of other people.
There are emotionally abusive people out there who purposely seek out those who are fresh out of relationships. People who hunt down those who have been single for a long time. The kind of people who know they are toxic partners, but don't want to change themselves to have healthy relationships, but hope they'll find someone that will believe their poison for the long term.
When someone gets out of an abusive relationship, or gets done with a bad break up, or has been unpartnered for a long time, it causes them to crave attention. To eat up any acknowledgement focused at them, and throw themselves at it, because they are so used to the opposite. They hope that this person that says positive things means them, even though they say it without knowing who they are.
And because you don't remember how healthy dynamics feel, you fall, and hard. The person sees this, knows the hook is set, and starts seeing what they can get away with. They make excuses, or blame everyone else, or create new reasons for doing the same thing over and over again. But they're so sweet, how could they possibly want something other than your happiness.
But it spirals quickly. It always does. No one can keep up a mask forever, and you're caught in the abusive trap again, but still don't remember what a healthy relationship is, if you've ever been in one at all.
And yes, I do know what this is like. It's the only reason I can see dating Thrax after breaking up with the gnome. After being treated like such garbage, I had someone so actively pursuing me. And it was better than things with the gnome were, so I assumed it would be a healthy dynamic after four years of abuse. Well, that was wrong.
However, I've taken time to look at what a healthy dynamic does look like. To know what basic respect is, and found people who do believe in returning it when I give it. Who may not shower me with praise, but speak it when it's necessary, and celebrate my flaws as being a part of me, rather than trying to throw shame at anything they don't agree with.
I no longer tolerate anyone who makes a pass at me without spending time with me as friends first. People that instantly fall for me make me want to run, rather than feel endeared. I've got a lot of things about me that so many people could never deal with, or that they want to acknowledge.
If people want to be in my life an important to me, they need to take the time to make that space. Let's learn each other, and build something organic and fun.
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