I've been thinking lately, about how I space, and how the vast majority of the time, I don't get there. Thinking about how even though I can space from singular aspects, it rarely happens, and why.
I have to be able to actually relax in order to space. However, through my early teens, and even into my present, I'm frequently told that even though I'm funny, and fun, and helpful, I'm wound tightly, and generally very tense. People used to tell me all the time to relax until I learned to just cover it up with actions.
And, that comes through in play. I need to be at a point where I know I won't have to do damage control or keep a heavy eye on things in the moment. I can, and will always do what is necessary after the fact, because that has no impact on me during. Especially when it comes to pain though, I have to monitor what is going on so closely due to my pain tolerance. I have to know what the difference is between pain that feels good, pain that needs to be watched over, and damage, to which the lines between those aren't that wide.
I generally burn through the endorphins my body releases during a beating in order to focus on the pain, and keep better tabs over myself. Usually, it takes so long that most of my body is overstimulated, and at that point the top can use less force that I can finally relax, knowing damage is much less likely to happen, and I can start just riding out everything.
It's like that with everything. I'm trying to focus on myself, and my partner, and take care of everything, and enjoy what's going on, and it's often hard for me to just relax.
Maybe, at some point soon, I need time with one of my partners where we both get to the point where we just let go with each other, and spend the time playing until we both are giggly with endorphins.
I have to be able to actually relax in order to space. However, through my early teens, and even into my present, I'm frequently told that even though I'm funny, and fun, and helpful, I'm wound tightly, and generally very tense. People used to tell me all the time to relax until I learned to just cover it up with actions.
And, that comes through in play. I need to be at a point where I know I won't have to do damage control or keep a heavy eye on things in the moment. I can, and will always do what is necessary after the fact, because that has no impact on me during. Especially when it comes to pain though, I have to monitor what is going on so closely due to my pain tolerance. I have to know what the difference is between pain that feels good, pain that needs to be watched over, and damage, to which the lines between those aren't that wide.
I generally burn through the endorphins my body releases during a beating in order to focus on the pain, and keep better tabs over myself. Usually, it takes so long that most of my body is overstimulated, and at that point the top can use less force that I can finally relax, knowing damage is much less likely to happen, and I can start just riding out everything.
It's like that with everything. I'm trying to focus on myself, and my partner, and take care of everything, and enjoy what's going on, and it's often hard for me to just relax.
Maybe, at some point soon, I need time with one of my partners where we both get to the point where we just let go with each other, and spend the time playing until we both are giggly with endorphins.
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