Skip to main content

My Kink

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about what draws me to most kink. I very seldom get the chance to enjoy that floating rush with anyone, and don't ever expect it to happen.  I don't find zen in almost any play, or get a meditative feeling.  And yet, I want to do these things, and enjoy them.

Lux and I recently have been talking a lot about how our tastes in video games differ.  He likes vast open world games, without a lot of demand, and the ability to just run around and zone out and do whatever.  I however, really enjoy very mentally stimulating games, and puzzles, and things that force me to think and learn.  I enjoy the intellectual and psychological challenge in video games.

And, I think that's exactly it.  I enjoy rope because I don't know exactly what's coming next, and because there is always another step further.  I'm going to be challenged in rope, and need to focus my way through the ties, holding on in some places, and relaxing in others.  When I'm being beaten I need to pay attention to that balance between good pain and possible problems, and know where that line is.

I didn't see much appeal to the contact fire Kitty and I did outside of getting time to play with him.  It was so passive on my end, that I didn't really need to focus, and found myself unable to relax.  When I talked to Lux about it, he pointed out that I need to be an active person in whatever I'm doing (which is sometimes more fun than others), and that without pushing myself and being active and present, I find myself less interested.  Like with how often I can't just sit and watch things.  I need something on for noise, or to glance at once in a while, and do other things during it.  Multiple forms of stimulation, which actively doing something that uses my brain.

I think, as a bottom, my biggest kink really is feeling a challenge.

On the other hand, Kitty is convinced that my kink as a top is manipulation for fun.  Getting people to do things that might get them in trouble for the sake of entertainment.  And, y'know, he might be right.  Even as a sadist, I find myself manipulating a bottom through different forms of pain until I get the exact reaction I want.  On the rare chance that I do know a bottom long enough that we get to more mental sadism, I absolutely try to manipulate what brainbugs I know are safe for them to get them squirming.

Neither one of these things needs to be sexual, which explains why I often play in way that don't also involve sex, but also give reason to why I need to know the other person involved, and a level of trust needs to be there.

My kinks aren't quite normal, but they definitely make sense for me, and the people I play with tend to enjoy them.

Comments