Thursday, April 20, 2017

My Own Skin

I've been thinking a lot about how looking like me, and feeling like me helps my mood.

I went through my old clothes a while ago, and got rid of a lot of stuff that fit poorly, or was getting old, or things that had been bought for me that I just hated.  Since then picking out clothes makes me feel like I'm being me, rather than having to force myself to act like me while in someone else's clothes.

I generally dress very differently how society would deem "normal", or a preferred way from anyone else in my house, and a lot of people I know.  I also have a lot of things about my appearance that have me regularly getting stared at in public, and told are bad or stupid decisions.

Here's the thing though.  The choices I make about my appearance are the kind of thing that is damn near impossible to actually get me down on.  Because those things make me who I am.  They make me feel like me, and I can't be brought down for that.  My goal isn't to just follow fashion, or dress in a way that makes my dysmorphia scream just to shut other people up.

Fighting my dysmorphia means doing things that make me feel like I'm in my skin rather than someone else's.  It means having a body that feels and looks like mine.  My tattoos, and my piercings help me feel like my body is me, and the way I dress helps too.

I think the biggest thing I've ever had to learn over time is that I am me, and I need to embrace that.  Anyone who wants me to be someone else isn't worth my time.

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