Sometimes, I'm reminded that I've learned a lot of things the hard way. That with the amount of emotional or physical abuse I've dealt with, I do have a lot of typical traits that occur, but I've also picked up a lot of good from it. I take the time to heal, and look at it all, and realize what is and isn't healthy or acceptable.
Recently, I've realized a few things.
That whole learning process is a very rare thing.
Without dealing with all that shit in the past, I didn't have those poor examples to look at, a lot of people I know just avoid confrontation and full healthy interaction. They grow complacent, and figure that things don't need real work, or know how to speak of their own needs, because they've never really examined them. I wouldn't have the mental pressure on myself to be a decent and present partner.
And likewise, after dealing with everything, and then taking the time to examine, I learned exactly what is toxic behaviors. What really was and wasn't my fault, and what not to ever stand for. I learned to fight back for my own needs and respect, to continue communicating, and that confrontation isn't a bad thing when done in a healthy manner, and without any malicious intent.
What I'm seeing so much lately though, is people afraid to talk. Afraid that things from the past will happen again, despite having a different partner. I see people who don't have that constant internal pressure to take care of everyone after not being cared for themselves. There are people in my life right now who have such conflicting relationships, and I hear it from both sides, but yet they swear that everything is solid and stable and healthy, when really, they're just both afraid to be alone.
While I don't wish for what I've dealt with to happen to people, it has been advantageous to me since then, but only because I spent the time to learn from it.
Learn from everything. Dig deep. Grow constantly, and it'll make things better as time goes on.
Recently, I've realized a few things.
That whole learning process is a very rare thing.
Without dealing with all that shit in the past, I didn't have those poor examples to look at, a lot of people I know just avoid confrontation and full healthy interaction. They grow complacent, and figure that things don't need real work, or know how to speak of their own needs, because they've never really examined them. I wouldn't have the mental pressure on myself to be a decent and present partner.
And likewise, after dealing with everything, and then taking the time to examine, I learned exactly what is toxic behaviors. What really was and wasn't my fault, and what not to ever stand for. I learned to fight back for my own needs and respect, to continue communicating, and that confrontation isn't a bad thing when done in a healthy manner, and without any malicious intent.
What I'm seeing so much lately though, is people afraid to talk. Afraid that things from the past will happen again, despite having a different partner. I see people who don't have that constant internal pressure to take care of everyone after not being cared for themselves. There are people in my life right now who have such conflicting relationships, and I hear it from both sides, but yet they swear that everything is solid and stable and healthy, when really, they're just both afraid to be alone.
While I don't wish for what I've dealt with to happen to people, it has been advantageous to me since then, but only because I spent the time to learn from it.
Learn from everything. Dig deep. Grow constantly, and it'll make things better as time goes on.
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