Thursday, June 15, 2017

Pride Part Are You Tired of This Yet?

Happy Agender day!

As much as this is something that I've actually used to identify me for the shortest time, it's something I've been aware was different about me since I was my daughter's age or younger.

That I didn't recognize any sort of difference between people in regards to their gender, but simply found myself getting along better with boys.  Apparently, the gender divide was already there and strong, because other girls had a lot of issues with that, and attacked me over it.

As I got older, and started to actually have some personal agency over myself (because my family) I found myself wanting to present more masculine, and of course my family then started to shame on me, and again refuse to let me look the way I wanted.  My father still hates that I keep short hair, but he can blow goats.

No real terms for me have ever fit.  In fact, most gendered terms besides pronouns kind of make my brain tweak because they just feel wrong.  Even though I can't correct the majority of people I come into contact with because I know it'll be just cause me to be attacked and gaslit, even though I feel like it's something that fits me correctly.

Since actually deciding on this, I feel more like me.  As though I can embrace this as something that explains me in a more true fashion, that gives me a static identity and leaves no expectations on how I have to be.

This gives me the chance to feel like me, and so much more than when I was younger, and didn't understand why I couldn't just be a person.

No comments:

Post a Comment