Thursday, July 06, 2017

Four Years

I looked down at the date on Tuesday, while having a particularly difficult day for a ton of reasons, and realized that it was four years to the day since Thrax and I broke up.  I mentioned it to Lux, and that I should do something he would have hated.  He jokingly just said "Yea, forget about him."

 And while yes, it's best not to dwell on the past, and it's not like I went out of my way to remember it, or had even thought about it before that moment, it's not the best thing to completely forget.

I don't think back on him fondly.  I don't think about it and blame myself.  I think about it, and remember the things he did.  How often he lied, or kept secrets, or tried to manipulate me, gaslight me, and use me to do whatever he wanted with disregard for myself.

I try not to fixate on it, but I do think about it and feel glad that it's been gone from my life.  That I keep it in mind so I never do deal with it again.  It's something to acknowledge and learn from, which means never forgetting what I learned and why.

So, yes, this is something to remember and celebrate.  Celebrate that I've grown beyond abusive partners.  That I won't stand for any shit.  That surrounding myself with healthier people is something that promotes growth in itself, and means I will continue to grow so much further than they ever will.

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