A few cases were the after effects of abuse causing people to be overly paranoid, or constantly placing blame on themselves. Some were simply being afraid of voicing their own needs, or feeling like they were wrong for having them. Even more were being told they felt they had to ignore their own limits, and learn to do things they didn't enjoy to get the attention that other partners did. And occasionally to the point of being shamed for not simply blindly obeying alongside other parts of a dynamic.
I look at these, and first I feel badly for those people for being in those situations and mindsets. Then, I realize how much more secure I am in being me, and knowing that I am justified in what I need.
There was too much of my life where I wasn't secure, and it was because of the shitty treatment of others. In that, I learned how little that served me, and that I need to find myself as valid in order for other people to do so.
I am now very vocal when my needs aren't met, and have found that they are very simple in return. Having simple things not met are absolutely a reason to speak up, and if they can't be respected, then they don't deserve that care from me.
I've also learned that I am not in competition or to be compared to anyone, which has become something that I actually find amusement from more often than not. Many of my partners in the past have had very particular types, and that didn't fit me at all. Then I come along, and completely break that type, with no worries of trying to fit into it, or that I'll fall aside for that.
I am valid, and I an unabashedly me. Anyone with a problem with that doesn't deserve to have me around, and that doesn't make me wrong, it makes me a stronger person.