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Perpetuating the Worst

I'm not sure if I've mentioned my pseudo nephew here, but know I've mentioned his parents.  His father was my brother's best friend literally since I was born, and his girlfriend has been around for over a decade.

Their son, Red, is a couple years younger than Squishy, only being in first grade where she is in third.

And, in the just over a year he's been in school, he's assaulted at least four kids.  Not just a small shove either.  The last one he smashed another kid's head into a bench.

He's continually attacked Squishy, and destroyed her things, lying to us repeatedly about it afterward when we'd either seen it happen or his reasoning were things we knew couldn't happen.

Some of their friends no longer allow their kids near him, because he attacks them so often.

And you know what her response is?

"Well, he's just a boy.  He's just like his dad.  He isn't violent at all."

Are.
You.
Fucking.
Kidding.
Me.

I will bite my tongue for as long as I can to keep from telling people how to parent their kids.  It gets really hard, but it's respect as a parent for a parent.

However, to know that your kid attacks people that often, and say that he isn't violent, just makes me feel like the parent is deluded.  Not only that, but making excuses only lets him feel like this behavior is a normal way of interacting with others.  Any time someone says something he doesn't like growing up, he'll feel like he has the right to attack them in some way.

Oh hey, not like we don't actively have a problem with that in society right now.

I try really hard to build what I hope are healthy habits and behaviors in Squishy, and in return she's a fairly honest kid with a positive disposition.  She has her moments where she's bossy or cranky, but in general, she's a happy, helpful, and respectful kid.  I explain to her healthy behaviors that will serve her when she's older, and we solve most problems through speaking.

This though.

This creates an issue where nothing can be solved through words.  It creates an abuser.  Not a future one, because he already is one.  It makes those habits concrete, and I feel sorry for whoever decides to be in his life as he gets older.

We are creating the future through our kids, and that is a bigger responsibility than most parents realize.

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