A New Devious Chapter

With everything going on, Lux and I have been talking about safety at events.  How we both agree that we don't feel safe at any kink event right now. Even he, as a very large top isn't safe.  And not only could he be targeted to have his consent violated, but have someone spread lies for whatever reason, and attack him in that way. And he is in a situation where because he is a big tall menfolk, and being kinda black, he can't do much to fight back. I mentioned that usually at events we tend to keep an eye on each other, and that's probably our safest option.  Because if someone tries something with me, and I can't get myself out of it, I know he'll be able to help. And if he's in a situation where he needs help, I have no problem stepping in and raising hell to whatever level he needs.  Where they can try to claim something about his size or being domly or whatever, they can't use that on me. Luckily, he appreciates the fact that I will pull

Welp, the east coast is exploding.  We have tons of people coming out of the woodwork, talking about tons of consent violations, and abusive behaviors, and how horrible every top ever is. But not about anyone fighting back. Just that some person was being bad, and without correction, they continued to be bad, and they're bad, and I don't want to talk to them. The problem with this, is that if you point it out, you get viewed many times as the villain.  You're victim blaming, and encouraging the abuser. Except, here's the thing.  This is everyone's responsibility. I've dealt with abuse for as long as I can remember.  I have memories of emotional abuse as far back as my daughter's age.  And I've been fighting to be treated as a person for that long. While I was with the gnome, having had no example of a healthy relationship, I took a lot more than I should have without speaking up.  I will fully admit that I encouraged those behaviors at that t

Last year my social life took a hard dive.  It absolutely caused part of crash in my mental state, and why I felt like I haven't even had fumes to run on for almost a year now for the most part. Such is the downside of being an extrovert. This year, I want to spend more time with lots of people.  I want to get them together for movies.  I want to bring people around and do lots of cooking, and gaming and casual things. I want to help create a space, no matter where we all are, where people can decompress and enjoy what's going on. I need to find opportunities for this more often. Sometimes, my being service oriented can't be denied in the slightest.

This week is made of a ton of birthdays, and marks the end of the holidays for us.  My brother, father, and Squishy all have birthdays this week, which makes for quite a busy week between dinners and celebrating. And from here, we actually slow things down for quite a while.  Most people finished their holidays weeks ago.  Not for us. However, this means I have more time and chances to spend time with friends, and make fun social plans, which is good to help my still horrible mental place.  This is how we get better.  Find the good in the now, and work toward things improving even more.

Lux the other day started joking that he wanted a harem of anime waifu.  I thought about how all harem anime tend to go, and pointed out a lot of problems.  And upon this, noticed how unhealthy of an example of poly most harem anime is. There's unhealthy amounts of competition, everyone fighting for attention, where the center of the harem is too oblivious generally to try and balance them all.  There is also usually either pressure from inside the group, or even an external force trying to make the protagonist choose one romantic interest. It both creates an idea of fantasy, as well as the pressures of our monogamist culture. While yes, I will continue to giggle at harem tropes, but appreciate healthy poly practices in real life.

Long before I was born, my older brother was attacked by a dog.  In an attempt to keep him from being afraid of dogs, my parents decided they needed to get one.  Back then, ads in the paper were still safe, and they found a "free to good home" which they responded to.  The owners had to move to a small apartment, and didn't have space for him. Well, no apartment would have been large enough for this dog, as he was a husky/malamute mix, and basically a big fluffy lion.  We found out the old owners were trainers, and when he saw my brother, licked him from feet to head, and walked over and sat at the door.  His name was Max, and he had picked us. We had him for a long time, through a move, and the first few years of my life.  He died of old age, and it broke all our hearts.  My parents couldn't stand having another dog, so we went without for a long time. Years later, my brother went through a bad break up, with a girl cheating on him and leaving without tell

I fell off my workout habit a lot over the holidays.  Being busy for everything going on made me start having excuses, and on the few weeks that I got good amounts of time in, holy shit I learned the difference it makes. It affects everything for me. My mental state, my body image, how I feel physically, it changes everything. So this last week, even with the snow and everyone being home, and everything going on, I've forced myself to get in at least a half hour.  No excuses, and making sure I build the habit back up. And I feel a world better.  I still feel very drained and in a shitty place, but nowhere near where I was last week, and noticing that I feel way better about the curves of my figure, and seeing how much and how quickly they change. I still need to see more people, and actually get some time to recharge, but this is a step in the right direction. And today we go see a pup that might just be coming home with us soon.  More on that later though.

It's another new year, and a good thing for it.  The last year has been hard for me, in a lot of ways.  I didn't do a lot of what I had wanted to, and it took my mental state which was already poor, and made it even worse. So this year, I want to focus on a lot of the things that make me happy. Learn to make things I enjoy that I don't have recipes for yet. Finish the coloring books I wanted to publish last year, and figure out a way to show more of my art to the world. Dance more, both publicly and in spare time. Spend time with the people I care about. Adventure more Find a way to feel healthy again, both physically and mentally We're also currently looking for a dog, which has me very excited.  I'm being very stern with myself to keep to the things we need out of it, while looking for the pup that chooses us as its family. I want this year to go well, and I want it to be far more positive.