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Everyone to Blame

Welp, the east coast is exploding.  We have tons of people coming out of the woodwork, talking about tons of consent violations, and abusive behaviors, and how horrible every top ever is.

But not about anyone fighting back.

Just that some person was being bad, and without correction, they continued to be bad, and they're bad, and I don't want to talk to them.

The problem with this, is that if you point it out, you get viewed many times as the villain.  You're victim blaming, and encouraging the abuser.

Except, here's the thing.  This is everyone's responsibility.

I've dealt with abuse for as long as I can remember.  I have memories of emotional abuse as far back as my daughter's age.  And I've been fighting to be treated as a person for that long.

While I was with the gnome, having had no example of a healthy relationship, I took a lot more than I should have without speaking up.  I will fully admit that I encouraged those behaviors at that time by not explicitly trying to be treated how I should be.  However, by the end I was constantly fighting, and met with gaslighting, which is why I knew he was a toxic abuser, and kicked him out.

With Thrax, I let things slide for a very short amount of time.  I quickly started demanding respect, which is why he started trying to lie more and go behind my back.  My fighting for better treatment made this abuse his fault.  He was, and is a toxic person, and refuses to change when people point that out.

I know some people are sometimes afraid of those that are abusive.  I know what it is to feel like you can't get away.  You need to do something though.  Because being silent and allowing anything is disrespectful to yourself, and gives them excuse for their behavior.

Find ways to fight.  Find ways to speak to the person, within a decent amount of time.  Show strength, and fight like hell.  Coming forth years later to say you allowed everything to happen, and they were never told they did anything wrong until you scream publicly doesn't make you someone to pity, it makes you someone who is also unsafe.

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