A New Devious Chapter

This is my last post that I prepped before heading to Fusion, and since I'm writing this up so close to going, I've had plenty of time to talk about, and think about the event prior to, and all the emotions leading up to it. Lux and I have talked several times about our feelings in regards to camp.  We've had a lot of issues with registrations and such given my being staff, and Lux being... called dibs on as a strong pretty menfolk helper.  It's been a bit of frustration, but not something that can slow us down. We're both excited.  It's a new thing for us both, we each have plans, and are getting to see people and do things we haven't in a while.  We are used to going to events together, and each doing our own thing, and making sure to spend time with the other.  It's something we've just been able to do, and that works really well for us.  We're also worried.  It being so new, we don't quite know how this event will work for us in par

I had a question put in my mind the other day, that I realized is something I hadn't had to put much thought into before. As someone Agender, am I trans? A lot of people put nonbinary genders into the same category as trans.  That anything that isn't cisgender falls under that umbrella.  The idea that trans just means not matching your identity given at birth. I'm not sure if I like that though.  It doesn't give transgender people a real identity, but simply says they can fall anywhere on this scale.  And for people who are very solidly on one end of that scale, it does them a disservice. So I look at that scale, from masculine to feminine, with male and female underneath, to show how you may match that birth assignment. I'm ok with saying I'm female, and female bodied.  I don't feel like that defines me, though it does affect me.  Many people treat tiny females with a specific expectation, and that's just their first impression of anyone.  Jus

I'm on the way to Fusion today! I'll be teaching two classes, and playing with others, and spending time with Lux.  I'll also be performing, helping the fire team, and exploring. I've been spending a lot of time putting together classes, and music, and packing, and prepping.  That's not all that's gone on in the last couple weeks for me though.  I published two new coloring books!  They're both out, and I have the groundwork set to start a few new ones over the summer. I also got a new prompt journal that plays with a fun writing exercise to publish as soon as I'm home.  I started playing more with how I work out every day, because time is still a little wonky unfortunately. There's also been some other things that you'll hear about soon. It's been a productive month.  I'm feeling like I have better support, and good people around.  I'm feeling like I'm doing more, and even if this isn't something huge, I'm

Lux asked me a couple weeks ago if I wanted to accompany him to a wedding he was in last weekend.  It happened to be a weekend that I was without a Squishy, so I said I would be his plus one, and we could spend some time together before Fusion.  Well, after a week of trying to figure out details, Lux made his way down after the rehearsal.  We had joked a day or two before that whenever we spend time together, we need to do prep work.  Drinking extra water, stretching, cardio, all an amusing number of things to need to do knowing our own marathon habits. Well, the entire weekend was busy.  The wedding went smoothly, with the exception of Lux's suit exploding on the dance floor.  He kept said that it fit poorly, and then tried to squat while dancing, and poof.  We thought about trying to get through dinner, but that wasn't going to happen.  Just as food was being brought out, we went back to the hotel, where Lux did a full squat, just for the full range of pants explosion, be

I've been waiting to see how this resolved to post on it.  This is a bit of a big one. A few weeks ago, Kitty was telling me that he had a long night with Fox, after they had done a full week of overnights, and not much sleep.  They were depressed, and not in a good mental state. Well, that weekend only got worse. It wound up with not feeling safe to have Fox home, and they wound up having them put somewhere. A few days later there was no improvements.  A week later, they were brought home because the facility was fucking some things up. All the while, everyone is in crisis mode, afraid to try and relax, and Kitty of course taking too much blame for himself.  Needless to say, I spent that time wishing I was there to try and get them both to take care of themselves.  To help where I could, and be my normal jewish mother self. Well, it's finally in some form of resolution, and now it appears Kitty isn't attending Fusion at all because he isn't up to being

As a follow up to a post the other day, Lux and I have had quite a bit more focus on power exchange lately.  We've both really been feeling it, and trying not to just ignore that, but acknowledge it in the moment, rather than saying we'll get to it when we're together. It's also become a huge symbol of how much we both care about the needs of the other.  Even in adapting small gestures to give him control, we spoke for a while on how to tailor this to work for us.  What makes him know I'm being me, and let's him also have control over the situation without just blanket rules.  Something active, that not only gives him control through my gesture, but in how he scales it in the moment.  Which, in my mind, might not create ritual, but is more controlling, because it's always in his hands. We've been looking at a lot of little things we do, and noticing how much we put power exchange into them.  That many things we look at as possessive in our own way. 

Randomly, I clicked on a video from one of the Green brothers.  Something titled about how to get boys to like you, and I was curious about if they would make something up, or try to go very scientific about it. Well, they started spouting out about habits in different cultures throughout time.  Things about neck rings, foot binding, corsets, and the like.  The emphasis women have put on their appearance to attract a mate, and it's ridiculousness.  That we don't necessarily look for traits in women that would make them a capable and hard working mate, but simply something attractive for men. Which is funny, because I'd been thinking about just that on and off lately. Humans are one of very few creatures where the women is expected to put more emphasis on image to attract a male.  In the vast majority of species, the male has more features to try and attract women.  Brighter colors, larger features, and more vibrant and catchy appearance, just to get the attention of f

Squishy, being a kid, often writes some interesting things on school work. Things like in kindergarten, where all the other kids wrote "family" or similar around Thanksgiving, Squishy wrote that she is thankful for pumpkin pie.  This was cute, and lighthearted, and something we kind of expected. They're not all this way though. So, since she was an infant, Squishy has enjoyed getting her back patted.  Not just light gentle patting though.  Good solid thumps to the shoulderblades.  Genetics!  Even now, if she hugs me, she will fall asleep if I start thumping on her back. Last year at Mother's Day, she wrote in a book that she likes "When mommy hits my back".  Needless to say, when she told me she wrote this, I regularly asked if she was questioned about it at school, because to anyone not aware, that looks real wrong.  Luckily, if you haven't guessed, everything was fine. This year, knowing that she has written this in the past, I was a bit wo