It's the time of year that even though there's new things coming out, and I should be getting caught up on media for other writing projects, I've been wanting to rewatch a lot of things I enjoy. Spooky Halloween movies, old comfort things, just wanting to return to what I've seen, rather than the constant intake of new stimulus.
And when I check these out again, I find myself remembering how many of the characters I enjoy. How many of these characters all of bits of similarity. More importantly, how many of these characters in many ways shaped who I am.
I never identified with princesses and heroes. I found myself liking the characters who were having fun. The ones that thrived in chaos, and may have been villains in some cases, but when the cards were down, often found themselves having solidly good qualities. Over the years, as much as I've grown with time, that's never not been the case for me. No matter what happens, I've always tried to tiptoe the line of being a good person, but bringing a bit of chaos. A little madness. To be just that bit of a monster that most people are afraid to acknowledge.
It's helped me, to be honest. To encourage me to be myself, truly, no matter what has happened. That even when I'm not feeling up to being me, people still think I'm up to something, and it's the fuel to inspire me to keep doing so.
Sometimes, we need to find that inspiration from the characters that aren't entirely good. We need to identify with those who contain conflict, because it tells us that it's ok to be human, and that striving for good doesn't mean being boring.
For the longest time I jokingly laid claim the to line from Buffy, saying I need a little monster in a man. Given that the people I tend to stick with at this point are far more truly good than not, I think it may be more accurate that I need men who are ok with being in a little monster.
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