A Very New List

 There's been a lot of changes in the last year.  So many both externally and internally that have forced me to grow, change, and reclaim myself in the past twelve months.  I realize how complacent I had gotten in a lot of ways, and how much I am pushing myself as a result now for what I want, and striving for even more.

So this year, as much as there has been a lot of hurt, stress, panic, and feeling lost, I have a lot that I'm grateful for.  I'm making a lot of progress in becoming a better me, and building a better life.

Which means, today I get to make the obligatory list coming into the holiday.

• I am grateful for introspection.  Being able to look at how I actually felt during various times, and realizing what was a survival behavior, versus getting to decide what I want.
• I am grateful for my drive.  I am constantly taking on more.  Finding new ways to work with what I have, push myself, and move into new venues.
• I am grateful for my ability to learn.  I have picked up several new types of software in the last year, and taught them to myself, let alone however many platforms.  I'm also reviewing one language to pick it back up, and learning an entirely new one.
• I am grateful for my time management skills.  Honestly, compared to many people, I'm capable of what multiple people normally would juggle.  Even on my bad days, I tackle what would be a normal day for most.  I've also managed to almost level this out with making sure I take some extra time for the major life changes recently.
• I am grateful for my body.  In many ways, I still hate it.  Body dysmorphia causes my brain harm every day, and it is incredibly unhealthy for me.  But I am strong, and my body works well.  I am capable of many things in regards to dance and movement that many can't do.
• I am grateful for keeping people around forever.  That I can have space from people, and reconnect as though it never happened.  People who stand the test of time, and form true connection.
• I am grateful for my new love.  Getting to experience true appreciation and connection again, with someone who wants to put in the work.  And while things are silly, and in many ways we're both flailing, at our core, we truly want to build something great.

Life is madness, and things are constantly changing, but I am learning, growing, and making progress.  I am feeling happier than I have in a long time, and actually experiencing a caring relationship.

Things could be worse, absolutely, and I'm looking forward to how they go in the future.