A New Devious Chapter

The last few weeks have had such an insane amount going on, I feel like I can't relax.  I'm either going to perform, or have a thousand things to do, or have been helping Lux with the move. And all these things are fun, and productive and I enjoy them.  Don't get me wrong, I love keeping busy, but it's been so much I haven't had a break. Being home is more stressful than not.  My parents have a habit of taking their frustrations out on me, and use me more as an emotional punching bag than anything.  The gnome likes to try and dick me around, and any time I want to get out and do anything, it becomes a project just to make sure the beast is supervised.  It all adds up to me not being able to even clear my head here. On the bright side, I'm back to teaching again, dancing regularly by myself.  I already notice myself getting into better shape after a few weeks, and I'm trying to go back to my normal nutrition nerd ways to really feel better and hopefully

A while ago, I had a friend randomly text me with a question. "If two couples go out, it's a double date, and if you go out with a romantic prospect, it's a date, so what do you call it when a couple takes out a possible third?" And I sat and thought about it, wondering why it needed to be that difficult.  Why we needed to label our interactions with others, and figure out ways to classify everything we did in their own little piles. My response to her was "It is a date.  However, my answer may be a bit skewed compared to many you would ask.  For me, a date is any time I'm out with someone, and we put the rest of life aside for a while.  No phones, or work, or distraction.  Simply time focused on the people involved." She loved the answer, and felt satisfied with it. Then I remembered one boy I used to work with.  He was a bit younger than me, but was constantly worrying if she was viewing their time as dates, or if he should consider them that inste

I love that I have a bunch of series on here by the way, just a random thought before starting this. It's been mentioned here before that I don't watch porn.  I get bored rather than turned on, and while I am constantly horny, I seldom find my mind wandering through fantasies (perhaps as a defense mechanism) though I will look back on some particularly fun recent encounters often enough. However, I do use Tumblr.  And my tumblr is pretty much just porn.  Small little images, gifs, and thoughts that I find attractive, or that I can relate to.  They usually don't turn me on than other porn would, but I find it more fun to take in these little tidbits and passing thoughts than actually sitting down to watch porn (which, really, I can't sit through a whole TV show, why the hell would I be able to watch porn?) There are a few things that I've noticed in the many gifs of hetero-fucking that I scroll through on my dashboard, and I know that nothing in porn should be

You hear boys saying all the time that they don't get to fuck often enough.  That their girl turns them down on the regular, and how they wish they had someone to have sex with more frequently. And then I come along, and say that I always want to fuck unless I'm really sick, or totally mentally broken.  That I want to go as often as I possibly can, as hard as I possibly can, and as long as I possibly can. Those guys?  Yea, they're chomping at the bit, saying there is no way I could have a higher sex drive than they do, and that they can't wait to prove it. Well, one of them winds up being a friend, and we start fucking. In the beginning, they attribute it to the new partner craze where you can't stop banging.  The honeymoon phase in relationships.  But it doesn't slow down.  In fact, as I get more comfortable, I just want to bump uglies more and more frequently.  To top things off, one round with most guys is just enough to get me completely turned on, s

This weekend was a bonfire to get rid of a ton of scrap wood my father had handed me, and told me to get rid of.  A few friends showed up, despite a lot of them bailing, but it was still a good time. Lux actually made the trip down for it, so we got lots of snuggletime, and he crashed at my place, which meant my bed was fantastically warm. It also meant a lot of sex, and while the weekend prior was fun, I did enjoy getting to have him to myself for a night, and getting to fuck him for as long as I wanted (mostly). I've also noticed that in the last few weeks, during our more private sessions, there has been increasingly more power exchange going on.  That accidental dynamic that we didn't really pay attention to?  The one that I know I mentioned about a month or so back?  Yea, we've definitely decided to dive into it.  It's just a step at a time, and honestly it supplements our normal interactions more than anything, but it's an incredibly comforting thing. At

Last weekend I had a somewhat impromptu trip up to Lux's apartment with a mutual friend (the one I posted about a couple weeks ago)  to help him get settled in.  This of course also involved getting to break in his new place by fucking as much as we possibly could in every room.  I went through the week prepping a box of some things he needed, and plotting with him all the wonderful sexy thoughts that go through our heads every day. I have to say, I was a bit nervous at first.  Not even so much for how sex would go, as Lux is incredibly respectful, and often paranoid of me and how I'm doing, but of simply being around Nessa for that long of a drive, and then for the remaining time.  I often have problems being around people for extended doses.  This is especially true when I don't have other people to use as a buffer.  I however packed up my tablet to read, and my pliers to play with Lux's rings, and told myself that so long as I could manage the drive I'd be fine

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One of the things that contributes most to people mistaking my sexual orientation is the fact that I will still play with girls.  I am often heard saying that I love beating up girls, and have no issue tying them up, breaking their minds, or beating the shit out of them. And then when I say I'm straight, they just don't understand. Even when I offer to play with female friends, they don't quite get it. Because I offer them non-sexual playtime. For some reason, the ability to separate play and sex is such a rare thing in my area.  And sure, sometimes I want all the kink in my sex. But more often than not, there is no sex in my kink. I'm not talking about the occasional play session that doesn't end in me bouncing on a cock. I mean that a good majority of my experience with play barely involves removing clothes.  There is no interaction with genitalia, no smooches, no sex at all.  And this concept confuses the fuck out of people. Until they pl

Oh yea, that's right, I actually feel the need to type this up lately.  Never assume anything about me.  I will surprise you.  From the first moment, to years later, there will be things about me that you will not expect, and assuming the wrong thing, and treating me that way will only kill your chances.  Common things that occur with this are my sexuality, orientation, or gullibility. Don't try and get anywhere the first time we hang out in person.  Sure, we can talk sex, and play and all of it, but don't suggest anything.  I've got a very strict "No play on the first date" policy, and trying to break it, will result in me breaking you. No means no, but yes does not mean push further.  If I'm cool with something, enjoy that.  I'll take things further if I'm comfortable with it.  Trust me, I have no issue taking the initiative sexually. Make the first move.  Yes, this means after we've hung out at least once.  Even just a small comment o

You know that post I had a couple weeks ago about thinking I capable now of things I was completely broken over a year ago? Yea, well, I had the chance to actually test some of  that out recently. It went fantastically. It wasn't really set up beforehand, but everyone was aware of everyone else's situation, and limits to respect.  It was comfortable, and everyone involved walked away happy. Honestly, I've never had a threesome actually go that well before.  Had I not been packing up from performing at a faire, I would have wanted to just snuggle and revel in it for an hour or so afterward. It gives me so much hope for the future, and really proves to me that people can make all the difference with every interaction. Also, knowing how nervous Lux was and how happy he was afterward just over the fact that I was as good with it as I was made me find him that much more amazing. On a side note, this was the first time that I've done anything to a girl and had it

As a teenager, I was usually the one being dumped.  My relationships didn't last long (and in fact, I think nothing that lasts less than a month actually counts, which means a good lot of them don't) but it was the same issue every time. Not that we fought. Not that cheating occurred. Not that we hurt the other in any way. No, the thing  that each one of them didn't stand for was that it just felt like we were good friends who fooled around.   And who was I to argue.  They were dating a teenage sociopath.  There isn't going to be this soul-stopping connection. Then I found Kitty, and experienced what actual romantic love was. It wasn't a crush.  It wasn't this all consuming thing.   I felt inspired. I noticed myself grow, evolve, and be happier as a person, whether he was around or not. And when I did think about him, or talk to him, or spend time with him, I felt at peace. It didn't matter what drama was happening, or the issues g

Recently I've noticed that the downfalls of social media have appeared in my conversations with friends.  How it triggers them in ill ways, makes them want to talk to others less, and in general, brings them down. It seems as though the resource we use to create connections, and sprouts convenience also causes depression and disappointment, which shouldn't have to go hand in hand. And, to be honest, I entirely understand why.  It's basic human logic, and something that even I am guilty of at certain points in my life. We're taught to share the bad.  That talking it out, and venting will help, and others will listen, and embrace us in care and aid.  So every small thing we encounter we spew onto the feeds of others, unable to process and deal with any of it ourselves.  Why should we take on that weight alone, if hundreds of others can give a hand, and make the load lighter?  So we see negativity, expecting others to step in and help, despite their own issues, which

Ok, so very few people are going to understand that title.  Nerdcookies to those who do. I've got a few buttons on my person that can actually change my demeanor completely. No, I don't quite mean in the way that harmful triggers do.  Not the things that cause others to curl up, panic, and need to calm themselves. They're buttons that when someone makes contact with them, a certain part of my mind takes over, and it's completely different with each one. No, this isn't a cheat sheet to where they are.  Really, that's just taking out all the fun. However, I've got three, so learning where they are can be really handy for the right person.  Or dangerous, considering... The first one brings about violence.  It's technically two buttons at once, but they are easy and convenient to hit at the same time.    The slightest bit of pressure on them will have me swinging in a blood rage, trying to tear apart whoever was so (un)fortunate as to hit them.  T

I know you're moving, and probably won't read this until a day or two after it goes live, due to your own exhaustion, and being busy. Then again, you tend to look for those few minutes of escape to read things here, so you may get to it as soon as you are out of the car after your long ass drive to the frozen north. I am sorry you feel so worried about me through all of this.  I know I steel myself over from almost everything, which makes me difficult to read.  Admittedly, the first week after you said you were moving I was terrified.  You would find some scene up there, fall into place, meet some girl (or boy, or both!), and fall away like so many other people.  I'd become some irritation of your past that tried to creep back in and get shooed away, no longer a part of where you are. At the same time I was terrified that you wouldn't find any of it.  That you'd become reclusive, and hide from everything life has to offer.  You'd fall back into your depressi

I've recently been thinking about some of the things I thought I simply wasn't capable of as far as sex and play had been concerned.  Not my limits mind you, but just certain scenarios that I didn't think I could ever deal with due to my past, and how it would affect me now. Thrax and the gnome left me pretty heavily fucked up about a lot of things.  Between rape, being put down for my sex drive, being told my asking to play every few months was pushy and too forceful for a slave it didn't leave me in the best mental shape. Then add in the lies, disregard for my well-being, attempts at manipulation, and totally ignoring what I'd clearly asked of them.  It adds to that pile. I was at a point a year ago where I couldn't imagine co-topping ever again, submitting to any real extent, having someone else present while I topped someone, or having another girl as a third in any way, or my being a third. And it's been a year, I've had a lot of good

After I typed up my last post, I sent it to Lux, because it knocked me a bit too off center to type it up. Which he read. At work. While on the phone. Yea, I probably should have realized he would do that.  Oh well.  He kept himself from tearing up while working, so that's good. I told him that I just needed to keep reminding myself that he isn't anyone else that I've known, or dealt with in the past, and I need to treat it like something new.  He brought up that I say the same thing to him, that I am not his past partners, when he is worried about something that has been an issue with others in the past. Hooray insecurities!  Yea, that might be a reoccurring theme of this post. The next day he asked if he could come down after work, and invade my bed.  As I am not one to say no to the chance to snuggle sexy menfolk all night, I was all for it.  I figured he just needed time to clear his head after accepting the job and realizing everything that needed to get don

A bit of background: I met Kitty in June of 2004.  We were at a larp, and without any intention, wound up sitting up all night talking, instead of going to sleep like we should have.  No introduction before that; we were both simply awake outside the inn, giggling about random horrible thoughts.  A few months later I invited him to stay in the cabin with us, because he didn't know where he was staying, and after that, we started messaging on AIM nearly every day. We would call each other a few days a week and chat on his commute home from work, or when the girlfriend he was living with was busy with whatever else.  Once winter hit, we started hanging out almost weekly, and we would share a tent at events and faires, because we both liked to snuggle, and it was a convenient sleeping arrangement for us. Our friendship became something that no one really knew what to think of.  I could contact him when no one else could, and he would call me having panic attacks instead of his gir

A side note from kinkysexythings, because there is so much more to my life. I make things.  A lot of things.  I have a lot of constructive hobbies, and am actually learning to make enough things to make crafting my job. In the past few weeks, I've made a metric fuckton of stuff, and I thought I show you a couple pictures. So, that is a cotte for Lux.  It's based off a fourteenth century kirtle pattern I used for myself when making my own set of garb.  Yes, I'm swimming in it.  That's because I'm about half his size.  As an idea on proportion, it's supposed to only go to his knee, and comfortably fitted in the chest. Also, those drawings are all mine from high school. Everything that I'm wearing here, I made.  The scale bra is entirely hand woven, and I made up the pattern as I went along.  The scale belt is actually a crocheted base, because I learned to crochet scale into a panel.   Better shot of the back of the belt.  It&#

I often hear men talking about a desire for women with no or little morals.  Whenever they show their excitement over it, it makes my thoughts go Princess Bride all over the place. This does not mean what you think it means. Morals can cover our entire life code.  Being able to set personal limits based on what we believe are the actions of a good and true person, and sticking to them is a sign of strength.  We challenge ourselves with our morals against the obstacles life throws at us. It's not having unprotected sex with new partners, even if it means not fucking when you want to. It means being honest to your partners. Morals help us build bonds between people.  It makes us consistent, reliable partners.  Finding someone with a similar moral code helps find compatible mates that can live together. To live without morals is to live without any regard for yourself or anyone else.  It endangers lives, and destroys our connection to the world. And I suppose if you felt

I saw a post on Fet the other day that made me rage.  Saying that sluts have standards sometimes, and that they need to be taken out on classy dates in order to consider fucking a guy, and that it is what is necessary before fucking is even an option. The fuck now? I mean, I'm all for being careful and picky about partners; it's something I do myself.  I don't fuck people I've just met, and I don't fuck people without chatting a while first. There's a huge difference though. She said she wanted someone to drop a ton of cash to take her out somewhere that she would need to be dressed up, having someone more or less buy their way into her pants.  I just want to become friends with a person first.  Chatting, giggling, finding common interests.  Sex is better when there is a bond, and being able to snuggle and share nerdy ideas afterward makes it just fantastic.  I however, don't want someone to throw money at me.  It feels fake, and I'd much rather