A New Devious Chapter

I've finished most of my big things for the next while, and now I can focus on a few things coming up, then get ready for Pennsic.  Which, this weekend reminded me of all the fun things I need to be aware of while Lux and I are off together for a week. So, Lux, keep this post handy, because it shows everything you need to be aware of. There aren't many things that slow me down.  I don't have many allergies, and no physical ailments that need attention.  It's kind of weird to be one of the only people I know who can say that. However, the heat kicks my ass.  I am very susceptible to heat stroke, and have blacked out from it a couple times.  I have to be really careful and self aware, and that might mean having to shove water at me to remind me to drink. On that note, if I mention I'm hungry, I need food in my face, stat.  Don't ask me what I want, just find something you know I will eat, and shove it at me, or ask me between a handful of things.  When I'm

Generally, I never know when I'm done fucking.  For the longest time, I had partners who couldn't keep up with the amount of sex I wanted.  On top of that, they were done before I'd even gotten warmed up, or I simply didn't wear out.  I never got sore, or tired, or wanted to slow down. Now, I have a Lux, and we both want to fuck all the time, and it's wonderful.  He fucks me way harder than most of my past partners, for a longer amount of time, and has a way bigger dick, so he pretty much fucks my cervix the entire time.  This is also all wonderful.  We're also both the type that as soon as we have the chance, we want to be fucking.  For a while, greeting each other involved getting naked, and being pinned against a wall.  Also wonderful. So, even though I can take a pounding, and I still want to fuck a lot, there are spots that start to get a bit tender.  Either from friction, or Lux pummelling the same spot with the head of his cock for hours.  While spendi

Several of the blogs I follow on Tumblr frequently ask for "confessions".  Little anonymous things they've done, sexual or otherwise, without the worry of anyone finding out what they've done. A good bulk of these have to do with people cheating on their partners, or all manner of going behind their backs, many times ending it with the phrase "What they don't know won't hurt them." And dear gods, that freaks me out so badly, to the point where I frequently think about unfollowing the blogs.  Even what they believe to be little things like this destroys trust.  That line of where honesty sits starts moving, and once you've hidden one thing, you decide to hide so many more.  Keeping track of lies or stories, and details that have been omitted. And it creates a sense of paranoia.  If you've hidden these things, and decided to destroy the promises you've made to care for and be honest to a loved one, who's to say they haven't done

I read on another blog recently, the finer points of the phrase "Because I said so" in regards to power exchange.  While I could tell what he was talking about, there was a lot of reiteration of the same points, and talking in circles. However, it immediately made me think of how that phrase is a great way to look at the differences between the power exchange I had with Thrax, and what I have now with Lux. Thrax ran his dommypants attitude with "Because I said so".  He just figured being the domly person was a way to get me to say and do whatever he wanted, regardless of my comfort, who I was, or how I felt, and then not have to do anything about it.  He'd ignore everything I said most of the time, until it was what he wanted to hear, or try to reprimand me for not giving him the desired answer to questions. It was childish.  Like the beast stomping her feet saying she didn't want to eat what I'd given her because I put butter on it instead of tomato

The next three weeks are going to involve a lot of running around for me, and it's mostly all good things. Notice: this is being written a week before it goes live.  I will try to adjust as necessary, and multiple plans of action will be discussed.  There will be fun updates about what does occur after things calm down again. So, as you read this, I'm hopefully on my way to spend a long weekend with Lux.  While I generally avoid leaving my house on Memorial day weekend due to where I live, I'll be travelling in the opposite direction as everyone else, and it's to spend some much needed time relaxing.  I'm not quite sure what the plan is yet, but it'll be good for us both. On the off chance that doesn't work, I'll be spending the long weekend with some family who I haven't seen for a while.  Both these plans are fun, but I'm really hoping for some time to have fun with Lux. Next weekend, is war camp, which will involve camping out in the woods

Last week for Mother's Day, we had a big bbq with all the important family.  Both my siblings were there, my pseudo adopted brother, his fiancé, their son, and some friends of theirs we know, along with their two daughters, which went to the same  day care as the beast before she started kindergarten. I got to spend Mother's day eating copious amounts of meat and veggies, drinking good beer, and playing in a bounce house.  I also got to harass said pseudo older brother, because it's how I tell him I love him.  Not a bad day honestly. At one point, pseudo sister-in-law asked how Lux was doing, and I informed her of how he was sick all the week prior.  Her friend asked who we were talking about and she said "[Loki] has a 'friend' named [Lux]" air quotes and all.  She was drunk on fireball at this point.  I asked what the term "friend" was for, and she just said "Y'know, 'friend'... he knows what I'm talking about." At t

There are certain terms I have problems with.  I always have, and it's something that's always turned me off to partners, and just make me feel awkward.  I have actually completely turned down potential partners due to their incessant use of these terms, because I really can't get past them. The one that causes the most issue for me, is being referred to as "bad" or "naughty".  In the same line as my dislike of punishment as a form of play, I don't want what I'm doing to be considered ill, then have it be enjoyed.  If it was bad, you wouldn't want me to do it again.  You wouldn't smile from it.  There would be no rejoicing involved, or reinforcement.  My open acknowledgement of my sexuality isn't naughty.  I don't want my behavior to be considered taboo, but rather simply being me expressing my comfort with myself.  If I stole your food, or the last beer from the fridge, that would be naughty.  If I hid something you wanted to

I've always enjoyed the English language.  Written word especially is something that has been a hobby of mine, and how to correctly articulate exactly what I wish to.  I read books on grammar for fun, despite that I now cringe when listening to others speak, or reading most of what they type up.  When I was in middle school, and high school, I made extra money editing for friends.  Sometimes it was college essays, and others it was fanfiction.  At one point I was devoting a few evenings a week to editing erotica for folks, back in my Gaia days. I have to say that it's made me fairly numb to reading any sort of smut at this point.  No matter how descript, sexual aspects of writing tend to get me bored rather than turned on, and I find myself wanting more from it. And that's the case with a lot of porn.  I find myself bored of it, giggling at it, or just wanting it to feel more complete.  Sexual content as a whole does very little for me, in most cases.  And it's the i

Last weekend, Lux and I had a fantastic time at Spring Caravan.  There were some really wonderful performances, we got to see awesome people, and I got myself a new dress as a Mother's day present. I really do love the vibe of this event.  It's just chill, and fun, with a lot of great things to see, but not nearly as crowded as Rakkasah East in the fall.  And working back stage at the end of the night like I have been basically just means a mini dance party. However, after dancing until late at night, and getting back up to our room exhausted, Lux woke up Sunday completely fucked with how sick he was.  After he barely made it back to my place, he promptly passed out in my bed, and I informed him that he wouldn't be going home until he felt better.  So I spent two days snuggled up and taking care of him.  And he couldn't talk, so he couldn't tell me no, or complain that I was doing too much for him.  Honestly, I was happy to spend the extra time with him, and to t

A few months ago I talked about kitty.  My best friend through many of my formative years, who held my hand, and I held his, until he chose to side with a girl he was with, in an attempt to stubborn through and make a relationship succeed after his failed marriage. Well, they broke up, he has realized that he is not meant for stubborning his way through monogamy for the picket fence dream, and has found partners who are more accepting of him, and the past we have. And yes, that means he has started talking to me again.  We've caught up just enough to be up to speed on current goings on, but it's like we were never really gone.  Do I even need to mention how fantastic this is?  It only took him five minutes to say how much he missed talking with me, and how much better he feels after contacting me. So, now for the super sappy crap that probably no one will feel like reading. I don't believe in "true" love.  I don't believe in love at first sight.  I do beli

Lux has decided to give me homework, and so after moving posts around, I will be completing my assignment here. This post will be edited throughout the day, to fulfill his domly orders. 9:57 1.  I learn quickly, and the vast majority of skills I have are entirely self taught. 12:00 2.  I have always preferred to experience like rather than hide from it, and as such have never had any interest in drugs, or to drink in order to escape sorrow or pain, which has surprised many people in my life. 14:02 3.  Despite everything I've gone through, I still take the risk of trusting other people. 16:00 4.  Back when I was in school, and actually recognized for my intelligence, I won a collection of academic awards, and was supposed to skip most of grammar school in hopes of being given a challenge. 17:52 5.  No matter what has happened, I've always managed to find myself. 20:01 6.  While the details of my body make me want to curl up in a ball, I have never had an issue with

I've been working out nearly every day for a few months now.  What started as a couple days a week is now every single day, unless I am out somewhere that it isn't an option, or my whole day is just too full, and I'm exhausted by the time I have a chance.  I only miss about one day every other week or so. There have been definite, noticeable changes in my body because of it.  While I haven't lost weight, I'm seeing myself become more toned, especially in my arms and legs.  You can feel my abs under my tummy again (I will probably never have a visible six pack, due to the extra skin from pregnancy), and muscle is building in my chest, with the bit of fat I had around my ribs slowly going away. I'm also building more flexibility, as I'm now able to tuck my feet behind my head the vast majority of the time, and it no longer hurts to bend forward and touch my toes (I'm a backbender, not a frontbender). With this new building of strength and balance, I'

When it comes to normal play, especially of a nonsexual sort, I lean incredibly heavily toward the top side of things.  I want to be the one to illicit the screams of another, and have fun tearing someone up. When it comes to sex though, at the very least in my past, I've fallen into more of the role of a bottom with partners, and it's something I questioned for a long time.  I've found that I'm much more of a sadomasochist when it comes to sex.  I equate force with desire, and direct physical force most specifically.  It's definitely where my primal orientation kicks in.  When I've been with submissive men, and we're fooling around, they'll ask me what I want them to do, and it's seriously the biggest turn off ever.  I'll take control and speak up if I want something specific, but otherwise, I just want to work on instinct.  If someone feels the need to ask what to do, or feels like they need to be gentle, it reads to me that they don't wa

I'm going completely off the beaten path for one entry, but whatever.  Deal with it. So, my father is incredibly picky when it comes to food.  Not only in the sense that he eats an incredibly limited selection of foods, but he only likes the foods he does eat a certain way.  He abhors change in all things, and this becomes a huge issue when it comes to recipes from his family. There is one cake recipe I have from his grandmother, which was his favorite thing ever.  I made it for Lux for his birthday last year, with a from scratch mocha frosting that we loved.  The old man bitched the entire time about it having a frosting, and how the fact that it didn't have a glaze meant that I had fucked it up. I made another one for the hell of it shortly after, to use up some excess ingredients in the fridge.  I went to make a glaze, and my mother walked in and decided to take over.  After making a ton of bad decisions, and me explaining to her why everything she was doing was wrong, sh

So, as of writing this, I am at Lux's place. The gnome said he was going to take the beast for most of her spring break, and so Lux wanted to capture me for a couple days, to get me away from my family, and so we could get in much needed snuggles and sexytime. And, despite him repeatedly saying I don't have to, I've spent the morning cleaning up the place.  He'd just try to get cleaning done while I'm here, before he heads south to spend time with his parents, and that time could better be spent sucking his cock.  So, I will clean now, to enjoy myself more later. Also, he tries to balance a lot, and so I enjoy doing what I can to make his life a bit more peaceful.  We're both so busy during the next month or so, that he needs it, and the extra snuggles that we'll have time for then is something I need.  And, when I'm not cleaning I can play with chainmaille instead of doing the crochet project I should be doing. Hooray!

I'm fairly certain that I've mentioned before that I thought I was asexual through my teens.  What was my sex drive, I assumed was just a normal feeling, and a craving more for adrenaline than sex.  I dated more as a change of scenery than anything, and had no real attraction to them. Everyone I fooled around with when I was younger was what I now know fits into my (admittedly broad spectrum of) physical "type".  They were just my friends though, so I didn't think anything of it.  However, my dating history didn't reflect that. Sure, my first boyfriend fit the bill, but he had no self confidence, and was incredibly insecure, and so it destroyed his only real chance.  I barely wanted to put my hands on him, and he was so sexually closed minded that it was a good thing we only lasted six months.  The next few people I dated were tall, but skinny, and again I had no real attraction.  It's a good thing they lasted even less time. I was still in high school

Lux and I go on a lot of adventures together.  Generally, with the exception of one thing last year, all our adventures have included the other.  Usually, we have a sort of system.  He takes care of big arrangements, and I handle all the little details.  It winds up creating a fairly even experience, we know everything is taken care of, and it means that when we get where we're going, we can just relax and enjoy.  This happens to work particularly well when it comes to faires, and camping.  I have most of the gear and, and get the food ready, and he just makes sure we get registered, and gets us there.  Well, this year we have one small weekend camping trip next month, and then in August, right after our birthdays, we'll be heading to Pennsic for my first time there, and spending a full week.  Lux decided to ignore my tent, and is getting us a massive pavilion, which I have been told I just need to make into a beautiful and functional camp space. I'm trying to get as mu

I think one of the first things people ask, or assume when they find out I do the kink thing is if I'm into bondage.  And, it's kind of hard to explain to people. Sure, I'm into it.  There's a lot of fun to it, serves great utility, and can be great for disciplinary purposes. However, it's not something I really crave ever.  I often joke that I'm too impatient for it, and it's more true than people realize.  If I'm gonna get beaten up, slap some cuffs on me to get my hands out of the way, or just skip it and start beating me up.  Instead of some elaborate tie to keep me on the bed while fucking, I'd rather be pinned down so hard my arms bruise. And, honestly, I find it distracting.  I move around a lot.  I'm very wriggly, and snuggle in while being beaten. I grab my partner a lot during sex, and want to grope all over them.  While being beaten, if I can move to react, I can take more.  Having to fight restraints and limit my movement means I c

This last week was really hard on me.  I've had a lot digging at me, and not much actually helping me relax, or reset at all. It has me wanting power exchange as a more regular appearance in my day.  Whether to be service, or little reminders of dynamics that make me feel wanted.  I don't know why, but when I have my family trying to control me, and actively treating me like shit, I crave having someone that I can just relax and serve and take care of, and just have tiny little reminders that I am wanted, and appreciated, and owned, and not the piece of shit that they tell me I am.  It lets me completely reset, and actually have positivity to lift me up more. And it doesn't even need to be anything huge.  I'm not a fan of micromanagement and insane dehumanizing levels of control.  Just little expressions and acts will do way more for me, and make me feel incredible amounts better. Feeling like I'm wanted, and having positivity in my life is so different from my

This last week was really hard on me.  I've had a lot digging at me, and not much actually helping me relax, or reset at all. It has me wanting power exchange as a more regular appearance in my day.  Whether to be service, or little reminders of dynamics that make me feel wanted.  I don't know why, but when I have my family trying to control me, and actively treating me like shit, I crave having someone that I can just relax and serve and take care of, and just have tiny little reminders that I am wanted, and appreciated, and owned, and not the piece of shit that they tell me I am.  It lets me completely reset, and actually have positivity to lift me up more. And it doesn't even need to be anything huge.  I'm not a fan of micromanagement and insane dehumanizing levels of control.  Just little expressions and acts will do way more for me, and make me feel incredible amounts better. Feeling like I'm wanted, and having positivity in my life is so different from my