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Giggle Limit

As of this going live, I should just be back from Pennsic.  Expect awesome stories about the adventure soon, but in the meantime, this last pre-prepped post shall be a silly story about new found limits. Yes.  That's right.  New hard limits were discovered, and it will make you laugh. So, last time I was up at Lux's apartment, we took a lot of time to relax and talk and catch up on things.  Part of this included the Youtube channels we watch, and several of them make references to each other. We will often throw on playlists, and let it go as background noise, giggling at the randomness that ensues. We're also commonly naked when together, just out of comfort. The particular channel we had on that day was called Game Grumps. Go on, look it up. In fact, look it up along with the word "Cranberries". Then look it up along with "Sakura Spirit". I'll give you a moment.  That way you can fully understand what is going on. Now that you have an idea

Utility

Lux came over for his birthday, because he wanted to have some big get together with the people he cares about.  It had a wonderful turnout, and was honestly a great time.  We played video games afterward, and wound up being silly and having fun. When we got back to my place, we were tired, but being us, sex was the higher priority at that point.  Now, we haven't had much time to really decompress together.  There's been a lot of stress for both of us, and not much time to have that emotional release.  When I saw him on Father's day we snuck away for ten minutes for a quick fuck, as quiet as we could be while trying to go as hard as we could.  Then when he came down when the house was empty, there was a lot of loud sex, but again, that hard, rough sex to take the edge off of how we needed to fuck again.  Which was fun, in case that isn't obvious. This time, in the two weeks we didn't see each other, there was a lot of emotional stress for both of us.  We have bee

Under Cover

I really enjoy being marked up.  A lot.  They're like pretty badges of honor for me; little reminders of the fun had, the person who put them there, and the pride of behaving well enough to earn them. Now, in general it takes a lot to mark me up, so most slapping and grabbing will create a small red splotch that disappears in minutes.  It takes a good wailing to leave something on me that will stay.  That too makes me very proud of the marks I wear, because I withstood so much. Now, one of the things I worried about with Pennsic, was walking around with my dance gear on and having people see my bruises and welts.  I generally try to cover them up in normal day to day actions, or if I'm performing at a family venue, but with classes, and parties and heat, I'd rather not have those extra layers.  I worried how Lux would feel walking next to me, and the possible looks he would get as we held hands and I had purple wrapping around my hips. But, I realized that I don't c

Virgin

Tomorrow, I get the final things collected, and Lux comes down for us to go on the longest adventure we've ever gone on together.  We're going to Pennsic! It'll be my first time, and I've done a lot to get us both ready for it. I've sewn half a week's worth of period clothing for myself (the other half of the week will be in dance gear).  I've gone through all the camping stuff we have to try and make sure we have what we need.  I've made furniture, fixed other pieces, and tried to do as much as I can to make sure we have a comfortable time, in a large pavillion, for a full week. I've also tried to do as much as I can to have all the food we'll need prepped and pre-frozen, able to keep itself cold in the cooler for us, so we have the option to eat without pants.  Last year, Lux said he ate out for almost every meal.  I'd rather not have to do that, for several reasons.  It's way cheaper for me to cook, the food is probably better, and

Evolution of Brattiness

I've got a talent for sarcasm.  If you talk to me with any regularity, you might notice that I have my own jokes, as well as pride in my own original wit.  When people rely on puns, or referencing/ stealing lines from media to be funny, it bothers me after a rather short amount of time.  And, along with that wit, comes the sort of personality that makes me want to crack more jokes and silliness the more I get to know people.  See, with new folks, or those I don't take too kindly to, I tend to be really quiet.  I'm not sure what sorts of jokes I can make, and have no desire to really converse with them until I either feel them out, or am forced to deal with them. So, one of the best ways for me to tell someone how I feel about them is to poke fun.  Almost like the middle schoolers who poked and prodded because they didn't know how to express how they felt.  I know when to reel it in, but most especially when in private, during those calm times, I will make cracks, just

Do I get a present?

So, while my last entry may have happened on Lux's birthday, today is mine! Although to be honest, I tend to try not to acknowledge it.  Due to the amount of toxicity in my life, it's either been ignored, used against me, or just made into something that everyone involved should have known that I would hate.  I often say that my birthday is cursed, due to the sheer rarity of me even having a remotely decent day, no matter what the plans are. In fact, one of the only times I can remember having a really happy birthday was my 17th, which I spent with Kitty and his ex, and we just hung out, and bbqed in their back yard. It doesn't take a lot to make me happy.  More often than not, I don't want gifts, and if I do, it's something simple that I need.  Last year I asked for new sheets (which I like the super cheap t-shirt jersey cotton sheets).  However, this year I've told everyone that I'm putting off my birthday for a week.  Why?  Because one week from now,

Two in

Today, is Lux's birthday.  He's turning thirty, cause he's an old man.  I intend to make as many jokes as possible over hitting a new decade in his life, and making him feel old. However, this makes me think about how interesting, and odd it is that we became friends when we did.  I had just broken up with Thrax, and ended a social media hiatus.  I commented on a couple small things on Fet, to which he sent me a message, saying how we had so many mutual friends.  Despite the fact that I was still trickling social things back into my life, I responded, with normal conversation, to which we talked a bit back and forth.  I personally saw nothing coming from it, and figured he was just another fetdom perving about. We wound up going to a fair that we had plans to hit up, and talked for a bit there.  I found his glasses in the middle of the road, and just minor hanging out.  From there we found numbers, and facebook accounts, and continued talking, with slight comments on pla

Not so Lazy

There was a few things Lux and I talked about while he was here last.  One was a more personal thing, pertaining to the people in our lives, which lead to discussing how Lux is as a domlyperson.  I jokingly called him a lazy dom.  He agreed, and felt bad, but I made it a point to say he wasn't really, but rather one who simply wants basic obedience and respect.  He mentioned how he likes that I have so many self imposed rules, out of respect for him, because it means that he knows I'll constantly consider them, and follow it, without it having to become a formal order. We discussed how if he were to give me rules, I'd only have three.  To let him be in charge (most of the time), to take care of myself as well as him, and to be openly, and consistently honest at all times. Nothing insane. But the basic building blocks of healthy power exchange and relationships.  The other rules we create, either that I create for myself, or that he gives to me, are ones personal to us, t

Awareness

I've recently been seeing a lot of things that include, or describe demisexuality.  I have a few friends who identify that way, but that they are the type that need to be in a solid romantic relationship before they consider sex.  This is the way I had figured it worked, so I dismissed it, blaming my sociopathy for my disinterest in most people.  I was very capable of a sort of casual sex, between friends, that needed no romantic stimulus to create that desire. Then, I continued to think past that.  Sure, I absolutely consider myself hypersexual.  I want sex all the time, and am damn near insatiable, whether with one of my partners, or in the middle of a dry spell.  However, I never look at the option of finding partners.  I could have someone standing in front of me that is my absolute ideal physical type and preferred personality, and if I ask myself if I want to fuck them, the answer will generally be a loud and resounding no.  However, give me a week or two of contact with tha

Blow shit up Day!

While I was so fortunate as to have an empty house, Lux decided to come down and spend the weekend with me.  I had leveled out from having less exposure to my toxic family, and was now at the point where I needed extra stimulus in a positive manner to help me reset. And it worked.  In spades.  Even if I didn't want Lux to leave as early Sunday morning as he did, I enjoyed having him around so immensely.  We got caught up on the normal goings on, discussed a bit what is going on with folks lately, and all of the Pennsic prep we needed to chat over. We also had a ton of sex, and despite intentions of beating me, we legitimately were unable to find the time for it.  We did however, get to relax on the porch a lot while he got work done, and on Saturday evening Zero came over with games, and we giggled at them until near midnight, listening to the fireworks on all sides of the house. We also talked a lot about why we haven't been as violent lately.  About the stress going on in

Question

I have trouble asking for things.  Between being so service oriented, and my own past/family, I hate asking for anything, or even acknowledging that I have to ask for something.  I don't want to turn this into a sad recollection of abuse though. Every so often, to try and get myself more able to request things, I will ask for small tasks, to get things done more quickly, or just to provide some small comfort or aid.  Even those I have to talk myself in to though.  It's a project, and I'd almost rather just ignore it, or do it myself. I recently told Lux I needed more time with him, and asked if we could either have more chance to talk, or see each other when we're not about to go to sleep, or forcing ourselves to keep from doing something else.  Something that I understand is a basic thing in any relationship, and there are far worse issues to occur, but feeling the need to ask this, had me near tears.  I hate the idea of feeling like I need to ask for things.  Especi

Blessing and a Curse

Fusion occurred recently, and a good number of my friends, including Kitty, attended.  The event does spark my interest honestly.  Camping, spending time with friends, getting to play with fire, and having the chance to play with people I am very close to are all things that will get my attention.  I've thought about attending a few times. However, there's a part of me that never enjoyed public play.  There's too many reasons for me not to.  When people look at me, they generally tag me as submissive, and well, that's right some of the time, but definitely not always.  People that don't know me don't expect me to be a sadist, and act like I'm a service top.  No, I really just want to tear people apart, and I'll rip them to shreds too, just for being an ass. The biggest downside for me though, is that my pain tolerance is actually so high that I've had DMs tell me they don't trust a scene with my as a bottom to be safe.  I can take so much force

Levels

So, there's been a lot of stress at home lately.  My brother recently moved down to North Carolina with his emotionally abusive girlfriend, and my uncle was declared terminal in the last couple weeks.  My parents basically treat me like a punching bag for stress, and barely give me basic human respect normally, so I've been a wreck.  The Thursday before Father's Day my parents decided they were going to go see my uncle out near Chicago.  The idea of being stuck in a car with them for two days each way, and with family members that I can't hold a conversation with for a week was giving me anxiety attacks, so I told them I didn't want to go.  Upon discussing the trip to the beast, she also said she didn't want to go.  I don't blame her.  What six year old would want to sit in a car for two days at a shot? Earlier before all of that, Lux had mentioned wanting to go see his family, and Nessa over the weekend.  He also said he wanted to see me due to my already

Why I Need What I Do

There's a lot of toxicity in my family.  A lot of inconsistencies, untruths, broken promises, and negativity.  It creates a shattering amount of stress, and is terrible for me in every way. I enjoy being submissive because I enjoy taking care of partners.  I love the comfort that comes with putting myself in someone else's hands, and having someone to give me the drive to grow, and make them proud of who they have. But I absolutely can't have what I do at home.  I need to know I should constantly be working to please my domlyperson.  If I feel like I'll be ignored, or shit on no matter what I do, I'll do whatever I want, because there's no reason for me to be unhappy and get nothing out of it.  I need positive reinforcement to counteract how I'm constantly told negative things.  While I don't need a lot, that stern, but positive manner is absolutely vital.  It centers me, keeps me obedient (well... mostly), and does all manner of good for me.  Things

Of Bioshock and Sociopaths

There's a lot of logic that goes into everything I do, and all my odd trains of thought.  No matter how outlandishly beyond the box I may go, there's still a line of (somewhat) sound logic to go from.  This goes into my kink as well, and today most specifically, power exchange.  Now, if you look up any LP of Bioshock, it'll turn into a ton of comments about how anything they say in response to the Little Sisters sounds wrong, and make a ton of Big Daddy jokes.  It very much puts the spotlight on how daddies are caretakers in the kink sense, and if age play is concerned, it's very much not pedophilia.  And then it reminds me of how Lux will occasionally say he has a craving to be called daddy, but doesn't expect it from me, because of my personal dislike of age play. But, that title isn't just age play, and I'm very aware of that.  The reason I don't use that title is because it's not the dynamic we have.  Daddies to me are the protective caretakers

Off the Beaten Path

Recently, I had to go to a wedding with my parents, for a friend of the family.  Overall, I found the evening incredibly boring, and a big pile of awkward because I knew no one, but during the cocktail hour, while sitting outside, I did wind up having an interesting conversation. I was on the end of a large couch, my parents next to me, and some friends of the bride on the other side of the coffee table, in stolen chairs from a dining room inside.  They started fawning over the venue, and the dress, and all the details, talking about how they envision their wedding.  Then they asked me what I would like when I get married. Me: I have no real desire to get married.  I don't really romanticise it, and find weddings to be a superficial attempt at bluffing status. Them: But, you mom told me at the rehearsal last night that you were dating someone, but he couldn't make it for the wedding? Me: I'm not dating anyone.  And the person she is referencing lives four hours away, an

Context Clues

I've talked on here a ton of times about how most pornography does nothing for me.  About how I find it boring, or simply something to giggle at, if it depicts any form of sexual conduct.  And how the only time I can be aroused by outside images is generally if it is focused on torture itself. A couple weeks ago Lux and I were in the car, and he was talking about porn he found hot, and I just giggled at it.  His immediate reaction was to ask why we have sex so often.  That whenever he mentions porn he's seen, I find it funny, and never say if I find it hot.  I had to remind him that a heavy majority of what turns me on is context.  More than half of what he tells me he sees may make me giggle at mentioning it, but if he were to do it, I'd be all about it.  When I came back from camping recently, we were plotting nefarious plots of sexy things, like we normally do.  And he mentioned something about us playing with another guy, and not allowing me to make him cum via hetero

Shelf life

A few weeks ago, Lux brought up a thought he'd had about power exchange.  Who the responsibility belongs to start it, and which party should keep it going.  He said the answer of both is a cop out, but it's probably the most honest. Domlyfolk need to acknowledge the submission of their property.  Even if they aren't always actively taking control, they need to see that those actions are present, and make their findings known.  Simple affirmations can be enough, just to encourage it to keep going, without spouting orders and punishment. Likewise, the submissive needs to keep in mind their little rules.  Asking permission, small acts of service, verbal reminders, all work to keep the domlyfolk happy, and able to keep the exchange in mind.  A smoothly working power exchange doesn't need to always be in focus to be present, but the actions should continue on all parts involved.  No need for constant kneeling, orders, or grand expression.  They're fun yes, and they do

Selfregulating

I've mentioned before how few actual rules I have with Lux.  There are far more things I make into hard and fast rules for myself than he does, and he often doesn't think of them, because he doesn't feel the need to make them official rules himself. Over last weekend, I had to remind him of one of those, because he was expecting something very different to happen. For those not keeping up, Lux is the only person I've fucked for about a year and a half now.  The only person I've submitted to, and the only person I've bottomed to in the same amounts of time.  And even though there is not official vanilla relationship titles, we pretty much treat each other with the same respect as though they are there. He told me after I had gotten home, that he'd expected to hear of me playing with others.  And then I had to get something very straight with him. Up until this point, whenever there has been even the slightest idea that I'd be playing with someone else

Cheat sheet

I've finished most of my big things for the next while, and now I can focus on a few things coming up, then get ready for Pennsic.  Which, this weekend reminded me of all the fun things I need to be aware of while Lux and I are off together for a week. So, Lux, keep this post handy, because it shows everything you need to be aware of. There aren't many things that slow me down.  I don't have many allergies, and no physical ailments that need attention.  It's kind of weird to be one of the only people I know who can say that. However, the heat kicks my ass.  I am very susceptible to heat stroke, and have blacked out from it a couple times.  I have to be really careful and self aware, and that might mean having to shove water at me to remind me to drink. On that note, if I mention I'm hungry, I need food in my face, stat.  Don't ask me what I want, just find something you know I will eat, and shove it at me, or ask me between a handful of things.  When I'm