It's pride month and shit! And it just so happens that the days that would apply to me actually match my posting schedule! Which means the next few posts are going to focus on an aspect of me is meant to be celebrated, because it's weird, and that's cool.
Today is Demisexual pride day, and I can clearly say this is something I've been more aware of for the longest time. The fact that I'm attracted to so few people out there, that for a very long time I had no idea that sexual attraction was actually a thing, and that it was separate from emotional attraction.
Because it's something people especially don't talk much about when they're younger (and for reasons I'll probably get to in a post soon) I thought all this was normal. As I got a little bit older and figured out what the actual difference was, I thought I was just really picky. Incredibly picky, and awkward.
Well, the awkward part is right, but that has nothing to do with it.
See, almost every partner I've ever had was a friend first. and while I may not have had a real attraction to them (which is a relatively small percentage of the total) I've always been disinterested in doing anything on a "first date", one night stands, or random anonymous partners of any sort.
In fact, the more I got to know people even after being attracted to them, I didn't grow disinterested or complacent like many people do. In fact, it's quite the opposite, and I find myself more attracted to them over time.
And it took a while for me to realize how out of the norm that was. That many people leave their partners just due to not being attracted after a certain amount of time, or wanting to bone several people they see throughout the day.
I realized that my disinterest in porn was born from it. That I could watch two people going through something and be bored out of my mind, but if a partner suggests it, I will jump at the opportunity, and be giddy to go about it.
Even though I am definitely in the minority with a lot of things due to this, I've never felt like it made me wrong at all. It's just an aspect of who I am, and honestly, I'd rather be attracted to a few people in my life for the long term, rather than a million people for a few minutes. Not that there is anything wrong with either, but this certainly seems to be the easier one for me, and it is an aspect of myself that I do take pride in, because it helps make me who I am.