A New Devious Chapter

 When I got home from my bout with covid, I was inspired to get things put together at Rabbit's, and make the house there ready for us to move in.  We had so many ideas about how to get the house functional, cleaned up, and looking like a real home.  Knowing that this year we move in together, we both are feeling excited and impatient, and ready to get things prepared. I had to go home though, to my puppy and my kid, and two weeks worth of falling behind on work that wasn't touched.  I was completely unaware of the situation I was going home to, with what my parents had done or not, or Squishy as well.  The next week was also all the birthdays, which meant even more on my plate. Well, Squishy was herself, and didn't make anything easier on me.  I was still run down from being sick, with a mountain of things to catch up on as well as I could, and anxiety about a myriad of ideas, and she was being difficult at every turn.  I wasn't getting answers about ...

 After all of the explosions on all sides, I had two days home to try and get things done before heading out with Rabbit again.  I was suddenly dumped with the mental load of a home that expected me to do without any regard for anything, and it was quickly affecting me.  Even with everything we were juggling out at Rabbit's, I found it easier on my mental state than just being home for two days.  He saw what was happening, and felt badly for me.  I explained that this has been what I was raised to think was normal, and he immediately felt stressed about it, and wanted to get me out of the house and moved in with him. However, we got Squishy home from school, and all packed up to head out.  The plan, even with the obstacles, was to have dinner with his parents for Chanukah, and then the next day he could tackle the yard while we cleaned in the house, and then have a Friday dinner at his place.  Most of his parents' friends weren't feeling up to celebrat...

 I was supposed to have one and a half weeks between Thanksgiving and Channukah.  That time was meant to be used for a thousand things, caught in the juggle of catching up with everything I make, gifts, holidays, parenting, and general life.  Every day was going to be nonstop, but I had a plan for it all. The Friday before Channukah I called Rabbit to wake him up, and within an hour he found out that a neighbor who was consistently hollering at him over nothing, or calling the cops on things that wasn't him had filed with the township about his front yard being "unsightly".  He also got told by one of his new roommates that he wasn't able to make rent, and had to deal with a someone showing up to do some pest treatments.  As he was driving away from all this, he got a call saying animal control was there, because the same neighbor had filed another complaint about noise and the yard being a "health hazard" due to smell and feces, which is interesting conside...

I got home from my week with Rabbit, with only just over a week to go before Thanksgiving.  By the end of the week we had mostly settled after the situation early on, but with so much that had to happen during the week, we still wanted time, and had some lingering anxiousness. Before starting the drive, we talked about it, and he was sharing that he was feeling guilty about things turning out the way I had thought they might.  I told him that we had adjusted during the week, and we made sure we got time together every day.  Then we asked if we each felt we had gotten what we wanted to out of the week.  While we wished we had the chance to go do something together, we were grateful for the time, and he was feeling productive, and like he was moving towards better and healthier habits. Overall, we were finding enough positive in the week, and agreed that what we needed was a day where we just spend time for us soon.  Much like the weekend we took for our anniversa...

 We come upon another new year with the high holidays rolling through.  This year started out oddly, and certainly didn't wind up like a normal year, but was a good change of pace.  With having a Jewish partner, it means that rather than navigating things like Christmas or Easter, we need to sort out the many Jewish holidays, on who goes where, and how we celebrate. My family as a whole more or less has been threatened by their doctor to finally behave like diabetics, and so they've been much more strict with their diet.  Going up to the holidays, as my mother makes the exact same things for every holiday she was incredibly clueless.  When I offered to make two or three things (which she wouldn't have to put in any work for) she tried to stop me from cooking, and I said that it would be a hell of a lot cheaper than buying seven little containers of each tiny thing.  That made her quiet down, and so it very clearly became another holiday that I would cook ev...

 After the weekend of madness that was Rabbit's birthday and my parents travelling, I had what I was hoping to be a little over a month until my next big thing.  With Squishy having the idea that living with the gnome will magically make everything better, I decided to send her there for a month.  It would be longer than a visit, and would actually give her an idea of what it would be like living there.  Rabbit immediately saw that as a chance for me to spend a long time with him, and while initially I was planning on doing a few days at home first, it would be a long process to get to that. At the beginning of the month there was a scramble to get things done at Rabbit's place.  He has been on his last thread with the friend who moved in at the beginning of the pandemic, for many reasons, and recently made the decision to let two other friends move in.  That did however mean moving himself from having a bedroom and a music room to just having one room down...

 It took a few weeks after traveling, honestly.  With trying to get everything as caught up and ahead as it needed to be, and juggling preparation for a major trip, I was constantly working at my maximum for the weeks leading up to Israel.  Then while I had intended to get some things done, I only worked for maybe two hours total in those two weeks, along with the frantically changing plans due to things happening as soon as we were back in the states. The first week back was a hobble of a return to routine.  I was doing the things I needed to do, sure.  I got Squishy off to school every day, but jet lag had me getting tired early.  Anything that had a deadline was being met, but anything extra in those beginning days, I just didn't have the energy for.  Luckily, I had prepared for that, and was ahead on as much as possible for the entirety of May.  Knowing I'd only have about a week home before another night at Rabbit's and having to do some prep...

 At the beginning of the month, Squishy was supposed to spend a weekend with the gnome.  A short, normal weekend that initially I was planning on just spending time getting ahead on creating things, because I want to have things done through my trip out of the country fairly soon.  Rabbit wanted to try and move things around so that he would have the chance to go fishing, and so I suggested that so long as I could go home early, I could spend most of the weekend with him.  I would just need to either bust my butt to get through editing, or he would need to make a little gremlin cubby for me to be able to record. So I packed a small bag, and tried to spend some time at his place getting some little things done.  The Saturday that I was at his place, while he was at work, I get a message from the gnome.  He says that Squishy doesn't feel well, and I recommend that she take a test.  Before he even told me that she tested positive, he said she could quaran...

 Since the start of the new year I've been slowly moving back toward all the habits I had early last year.  Because of the summer, being away from home, being more social, and starting a new relationship that is present and healthy, a lot of things went to the wayside in some bad ways.  There's also been some other happenings at home, that have really given a hit to my mental health, which also makes it difficult to do all the things I need to. Squishy has simply not been doing school work.  I'm constantly getting emails about her not handing in assignments, which only require her to push a button.  Most of the grades on the things she does hand in are good, so it's not that she doesn't understand, it's that she just doesn't want to do the work, and would rather play around on discord.  Because all the work is on the computer, it's at the point where I need to have her where I can see her screen to ensure that she's actually doing anything related to...

 For a while, I noticed some of Rabbit's behaviors, and how he would joke about ADHD.  I saw how he was functioning now that there is time and space from his ex moving out, but could see the patterns in his habits.  I had thought those would be things that simply changed with time, and eventually when things fell on him, he would start to be more productive, especially as he felt happier. And yes, I noticed also the things that motivated him, or helped him continue to get things done.  Still though, there were many things that he simply hasn't made progress with, opting instead to continue on this path of least resistance.  Recently, it helped me realize that we're moving out of the honeymoon phase, because I could see how eventually I would wind up frustrated by this, and need to end things. But then, he told me that he actually is diagnosed on paper with ADHD.  That he tried multiple different kinds of meds as a kid, and they all had a horrible effect on ...

 Ok, now that the holidays are almost done here (with the exception of the pile of birthdays), I can share about the last couple of weeks of the year. I mentioned before the new year that we had an emergency trip to keep Squishy safe.  That meant getting home just before Channukah, and where we would have had a few days to prep, I instead had one.  Luckily, I had done most of the prep well beforehand, and with my mom paring down the holidays so much, it was fairly easy.  It wound up not being too bad, and was good to actually share another holiday with Rabbit, because I'm still getting used to sharing holidays with a partner. There was only some frustration with Squishy not understanding that you prioritize holidays over extra curriculars, and my mom trying to claim that she did everything for the holiday, where realistically, she made two things.  I let Squishy open some presents each night, and she was happy with all of them, and surprised by a few.  Far ...

 While I could talk about the holidays here, and everything entailed with that, it's the first post of the new year, so I think it's a good time to look at how different my life is compared to when I was writing and reflecting one year ago. And hell, so much has changed.  While in many ways, I'm still me, and this is still my life, my everyday is incredibly different. Someone who I thought would be around forever dropped me like a wet towel.  Did the exact thing that was done to him, and couldn't even talk to me about it.  I found out that he was sneaking around, hiding things, and who knows what else, and I surely hope that eventually life catches up and he gets what he deserves. I gave someone else a second chance, and he couldn't see how clung on he was.  When I fell further away, he grabbed on tighter, and when he nearly murdered me, he tried to make himself the victim.  It was a tie that went from adjusting and loosening, to cutting and ridding myself ...

 This is the last post of 2022, and should be something about the holidays.  Or it should be some manner of reflection about the previous year, and the amount of change I've gone through, and how life looks incredibly different compared to how it did.  Instead though, we had one extra event that occurred that I need to write about, both to reflect, and to remember, that I wasn't expecting. Two weeks ago, my mother's friend came over.  They were supposed to go to a tea house, and pick up some last gifts, while I got things done around the house.  With holidays approaching, my days were carefully divvied out with everything that needed to be done.  In fact, I had already baked up some fresh pita before she arrived, because Rabbit's father asked me to make some for my next visit. Well, as she was trying it, she got a message from her mom, saying that she was positive for covid.  We pulled out a test for her, and she was negative, but went home.  Beca...

 We're coming up to the end of the year, and looking at how things are with the holidays now, they're so much different from last year.  Both that there's things not happening, and new things that are. The biggest of which, is having a partner that wants to share the holidays, and wants to share time whenever he can.  We're starting to really find our stride in doing that, and he's starting to make sure he gets plenty of time with other friends as well.  As I encourage him, he's also having more time with music, and doing the things that make him happy, as I take on more things. We're definitely finding our stride when it comes to a dynamic, and how things work to make us both feel fulfilled.  There isn't any heavy protocols, but he's definitely made himself a happy nest of a submissive place with me, while knowing how to playfully brat and say that he's the top.  It works well for us, and I only see us being happier in it as time goes on. Things...

 I swear, this is the last post about Rabbit and I starting a relationship.  There's just been a lot going on with it, and most of it has been funny. The day we decided to be official, Rabbit had to go to dinner with his mom.  She had been poking at him not so gently for a while, and while we had a joke about waiting to tell his parents, he wanted to give her some good news. So while they're sitting and having dinner, he stops the conversation, and tells her that we're together.  She is smiling, but stern faced, and he asks about her response.  She says that she's happy that he's happy.  He questions it again, and she mentions that his dad had concerns about my age.   Now, Rabbit has been working at renn faires for a long time (it's how we originally met) and most of his friends are older.  A lot older, to the point where Rabbit's roommate has a couple of decades on him.   Rabbit looks at his mom and asks how old she thinks I am....

 It was just after the start of the school year, and Rabbit was at my place for what was seeming to turn into a weekly visit.  We sat on the porch Wednesday morning after Squishy had gone off to catch the bus, and I definitely noticed that he was a little off.  And we sat there, curled up, sipping coffee, when he told me he had something to say.  He prefaced it by saying he was aware that it was full of red flags, then told me that he had some feels.  He said that he would be ok if I didn't want to see him for a while, but wanted to make sure he told me, because he always wants to be transparent with me. He explained that when he realized the feels were there, he took apart the thoughts, and did some introspection to see if it was real.  To see if it was some sort of physical or emotional rebound.  Every time he followed a trail, he realized needs had been met elsewhere earlier.  At the end of the line, was just that he liked the dynamic that was ...

 Eventually, I did get home from my weekend with Rabbit, albeit tired and ready for real rest.  Squishy was already home, and so I was getting her caught up on some things.  At one point she asked something about him, and I mentioned that I'm a comfort person for him, and a place of safety and trust, due to the friendship we've built. And she looked at me, then, whether she understood it or not, said "You should be platonic partners". She then went on to say that she doesn't actually understand love, so she just tells all her friends that she platonically loves them.  Which sounded far more like her, but that one moment, had far more wisdom behind it than I think she realized. Mind you, she knows that I'm polyamorous.  She knows that I practice relationship anarchy.  She even knows that I am aromantic.  She's very used to me having a strong connection to people, and showing them care without having to have a romantic relationship, and I think it's help...

 Finally, we hit the end of the holidays here.  All the birthdays are done, and big obligations.  Sure, we still have things coming up, but they're smaller, and don't require actual work.  I'm looking forward to the little things that those involve, and just getting to have fun. Squishy had some friends over for her birthday.  They both live right down the road, and while as loud as you would expect three young barely teens to be, they're good kids.  I'm glad she's made some better friends than she had, and has settled into the middle school fairly well.  I've unfortunately had to have words with my mom a few times about them though, because she keeps insisting that they're all girls despite being told otherwise multiple times.  It's irritating, and I try to be extra attentive of my language with them to help them all feel better. The weekend after, I went out to Philly for Puppy's birthday, because apparently I'm never allowed to find people...

 I'm fried. Since coming home from my trip to see Lux, only a couple of days after I got home, I've had more and more piled onto me that's put my stress levels through the roof.  Squishy has been behaving similarly to last summer, with some even worse things happening, and the gnome is just now realizing what she was doing, reacting poorly toward her which is making things worse, and now minimizing what I dealt with because he had to deal with a whole week at a shot of her being difficult. My parents have been horrendous lately.  I've been trying to manage things happening, and reminding my mother of dates and things that need to be done, and she's either not giving an answer to things until the last minute (then getting upset when someone can't make it to something), or completely ignoring time and what is happening when.  It's made harder because where I can take things on to help, and have generally done so, I need this information from her in order to kn...

 Squishy is definitely the type of person that winds up with a crush on every person that gives her attention (something I will need to talk to her more about as she gets older).  She's had a few that have stuck around in her mind, and I've had to teach her how to not make things awkward or difficult for the other person, because her feeling have yet to be returned by anyone.  I think she has trouble figuring out the difference between a squish and a crush, but that's a thing that everyone needs to learn over time. It's been a few years since she also realized that she likes girls, and is quite comfortable with that part of herself luckily.  Since then, she's had two more long standing crushes on girls in her school, and something that I noticed more recently is that they both happen to be people of color.   Normally, I would just be happy that she isn't pigeonholing herself into just dating white people, and I can tell by how she talks to and about them th...