A New Devious Chapter

The other day, after plodding along a bit more with my vibrator, I cleaned it up, and plugged it in to charge.  I flopped onto my bed, and giggled a bit. I thought about the time with Thrax where he attempted to use a hitachi on me.  How he just put it near my genitals, and waited about two seconds before shifting it once, and giving up.  He put on an attachment, tried to insert it, and after about five more of it being stationary gave up.  To keep it in mind, he was able to get me off with digital stimulation. Frequently though, he would try to shame me when I would ask for more play.  Turn it into a gaslighting attempt, because he couldn't enjoy his biggest kink with me, claiming it to be forced orgasm.  I would tell him that he could always indulge in this manually, and he would tell me it was too much work, and that he just wanted to be able to strap a toy to my leg and watch. Really, he wanted to avoid work at whatever cost.  Wanted unwarr...

There are many times when I think about the things I've done which I may not enjoy, and wonder about them. Somewhat frequently, I remind Lux that he's in charge, and that something I may not outwardly have interest in, I'm open to trying with him, because I can definitely enjoy something for who I'm doing it with rather than just the action.  It's something he forgets, which I understand, because it's a bit weird. I also think about things and feel more curious about them.  Things I've done which I say I don't enjoy, but wonder if it was just the conditions.   So I think, is this against my hard limits, which I know enough that I do not do well with?  Is this something that I should try to experiment with further?   And lately, the thing I decided to try was vibration.  My previous experience was with Thrax (which I think I'll write about more later) and did not go well, for several reasons.  I decided it was worth a shot to te...

Over the past month or so, I've been trying to do more to help myself get into better shape again.  Looking into a lot of science on things, and trying new ideas. I picked up some resistance bands for working out.  For the first time in my life I find myself not hating doing normal repetitious exercise.  I do notice myself adjusting over time, and I am adjusting along with it to push myself, so I guess I'm building muscle. I'm stretching every day with everything included in the class I'm teaching next month in order to express its effect on the body over time.  I'm seeing myself having more range of motion most days, and not getting stiff in any places. Every day I practice with my swords.  Whether to my music, or just drilling more complex things, I'm doing a bit of work just to get better with them, and be able to really show off once I do get down to performing. When I can, I'm also dancing for cardio.  I'm making sure not to make that my onl...

I read an article the other day that said the women no longer need to have periods because of all the advances in birth control.  That they serve no purpose, and that are completely unnecessary now. After I had the beast, I was pretty hardcore into my research on birth control.  I looked up every option out there for what I thought was best for me.  I decided on the paraguard IUD, for many reasons, the main one of which was because I wanted to continue to have my period.  I wanted that monthly reminder that I wasn't pregnant, and to be able to more carefully keep track of my cycle and my body. My cousin, years ago, decided to just skip her placebo week on the pill.  She hopped from new pack to new pack, and stayed on those pills for a few years.  Eventually, she went off of them, because she was having a small health issue and the doctor recommended it.  It's been almost a decade since then, and she's never had a period.  Her reproductive system...

The other day I had a stream on while working on things, and the beginning of it was just talking to chat while waiting for people to show up.  At one point, they started talking about ragefucking, and argument sex.  They then said that it is never actually a good idea, and I started thinking about the science of it. Ragefucking is a trap.  Full on Admiral Ackbar trap.  When people are fighting, it stimulates the brain to create similar endorphins that would occur when we're turned on.  And because we're that worked up, we look at the other person for the same relief we would want when we have too much stress, or need comfort and catharsis.  That physical barrier is broken, so both parties let that be an instant response.  Afterward, all the bonding chemicals happen, and bring them back together.  It's probably the reason why most of the couples who constantly split and get back together do so.  They know they're incompatible, but there's t...

While I never had a terribly large pool of partners at any one time, I've always had a fairly active sex life.  Even in my younger teens, before I started having intercourse, I was fooling around with a few partners several times a week.  I always thought this was normal. I didn't acknowledge the idea of where my sex drive laid out on a scale, because I didn't have female friends to bounce off of, and talking to any guy about it just made them think I wanted to fuck.  So, I figured wanting to have some sort of sexual contact constantly was just how things were for everyone.  In fact, I remember Kitty at one point stating that he never expected me to want to fool around as much as he did, because his sex drive was so high, and wondering what he meant, and that I thought he was normal, due to wanting to fool around as much as I did.  I surprised him further when I told him how often I was hooking up with guys, and he remarked at how while he had significantly mo...

Last weekend I had a somewhat impromptu trip up to Lux's apartment with a mutual friend (the one I posted about a couple weeks ago)  to help him get settled in.  This of course also involved getting to break in his new place by fucking as much as we possibly could in every room.  I went through the week prepping a box of some things he needed, and plotting with him all the wonderful sexy thoughts that go through our heads every day. I have to say, I was a bit nervous at first.  Not even so much for how sex would go, as Lux is incredibly respectful, and often paranoid of me and how I'm doing, but of simply being around Nessa for that long of a drive, and then for the remaining time.  I often have problems being around people for extended doses.  This is especially true when I don't have other people to use as a buffer.  I however packed up my tablet to read, and my pliers to play with Lux's rings, and told myself that so long as I could manage the dri...

One of the things that contributes most to people mistaking my sexual orientation is the fact that I will still play with girls.  I am often heard saying that I love beating up girls, and have no issue tying them up, breaking their minds, or beating the shit out of them. And then when I say I'm straight, they just don't understand. Even when I offer to play with female friends, they don't quite get it. Because I offer them non-sexual playtime. For some reason, the ability to separate play and sex is such a rare thing in my area.  And sure, sometimes I want all the kink in my sex. But more often than not, there is no sex in my kink. I'm not talking about the occasional play session that doesn't end in me bouncing on a cock. I mean that a good majority of my experience with play barely involves removing clothes.  There is no interaction with genitalia, no smooches, no sex at all.  And this concept confuses the fuck out of people. Until they pl...

I know I've mentioned being a sociopath on here. It's not a joke when I say it.  Be around me for more than a day or so, and you'll start to see it.  I won't bother to censor my comments, and it'll become startlingly obvious. Due to this, and my love of psychology in and of itself, when something comes up about how the average person perceives a sociopath or a psychopath, I jump at the opportunity to read it, and often giggle at how they believe the mind works. But I'll let you in on a secret. Most of that is wrong. Yes, we do tend to be highly intelligent.  For me at least, this is because of a highly logical mind.  I can think through things with a complex process, which doesn't get clouded by emotionally driven thoughts.  If fact, I don't feel many emotions that other people do.  I often have to fake emotion while I'm with other people because I don't actually feel it myself, and know that not reacting in a similar fashion will cause i...

I see pictures all over the fet, and blogs almost constantly of the bruises people are proud of from their scenes.  These can vary from a few popped vessels, to a solid purple patch the size of my hand. And, to be honest, I question all of it.  I'm never sure if it's due to the fact that they bruise easily, or what their pain tolerance is, or what makes them mark up the way they do.  I personally don't mark up terribly easily on most of my person, unless you're using enough force to actually hurt me, which makes things convenient, and helps me not look like I'm in a constant state of fending off attempted murder. So, I looked it all up.  I researched what makes some people bruise more easily than others, and why certain body parts are likely to bruise with little effort compared to others. You know, for SCIENCE! Because I would never use this information to my own advantage. Now, what a bruise is exactly, is damaged capillary vessels under the skin, which l...