A New Devious Chapter

 Thanksgiving may have been last week, but that doesn't mean it isn't time to show appreciation.   This year especially, I have a mix of things to be grateful for.  While I want to talk about the year as a whole soon, I can certainly be thankful now. I am thankful for drive, motivation, and inspiration.  Having a partner with ADHD means that I've seen what finite energy looks like, as well as the freezing, or inability to self start.  I've learned that not only do I manage to gather ideas as the people with ADHD can, but I have the drive to start them and stick to it.  I also manage to keep up with more than most people can due to my time management. And while mentioning ADHD, I'm grateful for my desire to learn, more than most years.  By knowing that Rabbit is diagnosed, I have something to learn about, and where I would normally be frustrated, I understand where our minds work differently, and likewise can try to find ways to help him function, ...

For wanting October to be calm, there was so much to juggle and adjust for, and we've managed to find the silver linings in all of it, or make the best of what we could.  In many ways, we're recovering slowly, but things are tough, and I'm put in a lot of situations that are forcing my hand in ways that I don't want to so soon. A brighter part is that I may stop posting here as much.  I still want to try and write up a post a week in order to help me process my own thoughts and stay organized, but I've decided to pick up a monthly vlog, and so I may not need to write here as a trade off.  It's appearing to be more difficult to try and get the video clips than anything, but I'm sure that will get easier with time. I'm trying to get more ahead with things like writing, drawing, and making videos to help with the busy holidays coming.  With my house still having zero intention of doing the cookiepocalypse again, I'm sad, but it is giving me extra time t...

 Things have been difficult at best not between Rabbit and I, but in our homes.  He's had his back injury, and some poor health choices that lead to him getting bells palsy, which is slow going on the healing front.  To top things off, his previous roommate who was the source of a ton of problems, brought fleas into the house, and didn't mention it until everyone was getting bit.  We tried some at home solutions, and while I was there was sticking to them and maintaining it, but as soon as I left it wasn't kept up with the same way and didn't go so well. Rabbit eventually called Terminix, and got a monthly estimate.  For the first appointment, they were six hours late, without notice.  It helped upstairs, but unfortunately, they didn't do the necessary post-care, and it didn't do anything where the issue was the worst.  He scheduled a second appointment, and they just never showed up, without any notice.  Rabbit tried to reschedule, and they could...

 Since coming back from my last long visit to Rabbit's, there has been a lot going on, but also a return to routine with the school year starting.  It's been helpful in a lot of ways because it gives me some set time to get work done, and get through everything on my list, rather than just trying to cram things in while everyone is demanding my time. And because of that, I can get more done, and really sort out all of my priorities, as well as look at the things that will be more worth my time in the coming weeks and months.  When I know I have set time to do things, I can often get what would three weeks worth of work while at Rabbit's place all done in four days at home. So with that, I've managed in the first few weeks of September to get my youtube channel set for the rest of the calendar year.  All the audio is done, and the videos are rendered and uploaded.  It's a major thing off my list, and I have the beginning of the year planned in a way that will mak...

 I got home from my long visit with Rabbit and found myself missing him, despite all the anxiety and lack of space due to his injury and being out of work.  At the same time, I was swamped with things at home and the stress there.  Top that off with needing to catch up from two weeks of not working, and it meant I was no recovering well from the mental state I went home in.  For several days I barely got anything I needed to finished at all, just because I was being dragged around for whatever my parents wanted. After about the first week, I managed to be able to get some work in though, and was getting back to some routine.  I was just about on top of things as much as I needed to be, and then things changed.  Rabbit had people moving in and out of the house, who weren't doing anything near what they needed to.  He couldn't move much, or lift anything, which had him feeling horrible, and didn't help the situation we were trying to get out of. On my en...

 After the weekend of madness that was Rabbit's birthday and my parents travelling, I had what I was hoping to be a little over a month until my next big thing.  With Squishy having the idea that living with the gnome will magically make everything better, I decided to send her there for a month.  It would be longer than a visit, and would actually give her an idea of what it would be like living there.  Rabbit immediately saw that as a chance for me to spend a long time with him, and while initially I was planning on doing a few days at home first, it would be a long process to get to that. At the beginning of the month there was a scramble to get things done at Rabbit's place.  He has been on his last thread with the friend who moved in at the beginning of the pandemic, for many reasons, and recently made the decision to let two other friends move in.  That did however mean moving himself from having a bedroom and a music room to just having one room down...

 While I'm finally getting back to being productive with a lot of things, and finding my way in juggling everything I do, I'm also taking on even more new things this month.  I'm writing for more platforms, sharing some writing amongst different platforms, and at the same time, trying to figure out the logistics of all these things.  That means design projects, timeline organization, as well as figuring exactly how much time I have, and will need to do all of these things. To top that off, I'm trying to do more to take care of myself at the same time again.  With so much travel back and forth, I tend to quickly let go of physical care for me, and that isn't the best in the long run.  I'm trying to make sure I integrate that into my day as well, and I need to figure out how that can stay a habit even when I travel, because summer means more long stays with Rabbit. So many new things also means that I need to remember the things that are a little less urgent or fi...

 It took a few weeks after traveling, honestly.  With trying to get everything as caught up and ahead as it needed to be, and juggling preparation for a major trip, I was constantly working at my maximum for the weeks leading up to Israel.  Then while I had intended to get some things done, I only worked for maybe two hours total in those two weeks, along with the frantically changing plans due to things happening as soon as we were back in the states. The first week back was a hobble of a return to routine.  I was doing the things I needed to do, sure.  I got Squishy off to school every day, but jet lag had me getting tired early.  Anything that had a deadline was being met, but anything extra in those beginning days, I just didn't have the energy for.  Luckily, I had prepared for that, and was ahead on as much as possible for the entirety of May.  Knowing I'd only have about a week home before another night at Rabbit's and having to do some prep...

 Since being sick, I've been trying to get back on track with everything, and caught up with many others.  It's tough, and means that I've had to be extra on top of everything I'm doing every day in order to be sure I'm making progress on getting back to where I should be.  Top that off with how spring is always a bit of madness with so much going on, and it means things are a bit more stacked against me in not just getting caught back up, but ahead as much as I want to be. I've been trying to use every pocket of time that I get to record, as I'm at a point where it feels like every piece of the story I'm reading is super long, and each entry is a full recording, rather than being able to get through swathes at a time.  Those long recordings also take time to edit, before turning into a video, although I am getting faster.  Luckily, I've been on top of getting ahead with drawing, so I technically have everything I need to do finished for that, and am...

 Since the start of the new year I've been slowly moving back toward all the habits I had early last year.  Because of the summer, being away from home, being more social, and starting a new relationship that is present and healthy, a lot of things went to the wayside in some bad ways.  There's also been some other happenings at home, that have really given a hit to my mental health, which also makes it difficult to do all the things I need to. Squishy has simply not been doing school work.  I'm constantly getting emails about her not handing in assignments, which only require her to push a button.  Most of the grades on the things she does hand in are good, so it's not that she doesn't understand, it's that she just doesn't want to do the work, and would rather play around on discord.  Because all the work is on the computer, it's at the point where I need to have her where I can see her screen to ensure that she's actually doing anything related to...

 Ok, now that the holidays are almost done here (with the exception of the pile of birthdays), I can share about the last couple of weeks of the year. I mentioned before the new year that we had an emergency trip to keep Squishy safe.  That meant getting home just before Channukah, and where we would have had a few days to prep, I instead had one.  Luckily, I had done most of the prep well beforehand, and with my mom paring down the holidays so much, it was fairly easy.  It wound up not being too bad, and was good to actually share another holiday with Rabbit, because I'm still getting used to sharing holidays with a partner. There was only some frustration with Squishy not understanding that you prioritize holidays over extra curriculars, and my mom trying to claim that she did everything for the holiday, where realistically, she made two things.  I let Squishy open some presents each night, and she was happy with all of them, and surprised by a few.  Far ...

 There's been a lot of changes in the last year.  So many both externally and internally that have forced me to grow, change, and reclaim myself in the past twelve months.  I realize how complacent I had gotten in a lot of ways, and how much I am pushing myself as a result now for what I want, and striving for even more. So this year, as much as there has been a lot of hurt, stress, panic, and feeling lost, I have a lot that I'm grateful for.  I'm making a lot of progress in becoming a better me, and building a better life. Which means, today I get to make the obligatory list coming into the holiday. I am grateful for introspection.  Being able to look at how I actually felt during various times, and realizing what was a survival behavior, versus getting to decide what I want. I am grateful for my drive.  I am constantly taking on more.  Finding new ways to work with what I have, push myself, and move into new venues. I am grateful for my ability to le...

 For as busy as I was trying to get ahead of things in February, I managed to get through just about all the goals I gave myself.  Even with everything my parents threw on me, I paced myself through everything, and got almost my entire list accomplished, with the exception of my second blog, due to Skynet's ridiculous action. It was incredibly satisfying to realize that I either managed through the goals I set, or made well enough progress that it either kept up with timelines, or would allow me to not feel overwhelmed next month.  It was a fairly substantial list, and while I was constantly hopping from one thing to another, I was able to make sure I also gave myself some time in the evenings, or even some weekends to breathe and have space. However, February is truly a catch up month.  There's no ton of birthdays or travel that I ever plan, so I can pile things on, and know I have most days available as standard routine.  This month changes that, with the retu...

A couple weeks ago, Puppy came to spend a weekend here.  I suggested he stay here because of some changes to his living situation, that might make some of what we had planned a little more difficult.  It also gave us a chance to do more things around here, because he's rather clueless to the area since moving away, as both his parents don't really have interest in going to do things. What we did have planned though, was starting the D&D campaign he's running.  I  still feel a bit awkward being part of the game, because the rest of the players are all his brothers and their spouses.  I'm also the person with the most experience, so it's a bit of a process to make sure I'm not just taking over anything going on. It's also the first time seeing Puppy since really mentally processing not having feels for him.  I'm sort of trying to guide things so he understands where I'm at without being so blunt it fucks him up.  It's also a process to navigate...

 The beginning of this year was tough for me.  I made sure to be fairly ahead on everything coming into the holidays, but only had a small buffer as we rolled into the new year.  That meant having to work with everything I have my hands in to ensure I could keep the space I prefer to.  It lead to me feeling very overwhelmed and anxious about everything I was doing, and everything new that I wanted to take on in the coming year, especially when also juggling the mental aspects of what has been going on. It's difficult sometimes, knowing that once I do get ahead, I will have the time for everything I want to do, including all the projects I intend to take on.  And I know I try to keep a larger buffer for everything than most people, considering I've been trying to have things finished through all of winter by the end of this month.  But getting there when I had used up all my previous work is tough, and I don't want to be constantly trying to keep everything ...

 A lot is happening.  I'm trying to juggle it all while still processing what happened a couple of weeks ago. While dealing with my parents, I'm finally getting around to launching the audio project I wanted to start earlier this year.  I decided not to wait until I could get a better mic, and instead started recording with the headset I have, and learning how to edit as I go.  The more I record, the better I'm getting at pacing things out, and learning how to be better at both the recording process, and the editing process.  Posting the first one wasn't the easiest thing ever, because ko-fi wound up being incredibly difficult despite my expectations for the platform.  However, I'd like to figure out how to do more there, so hopefully they get their shit figured out sooner rather than later.   I'm redrawing many of my books so that I can sell them in a digital format.  That, combined with not having to offer them on amazon will hopefully help...

 I noticed myself feeling a certain way after visiting Dansa, and having Scar visit.  I had finished my books for the year, after drawing and editing like mad.  I had then hopped onto making chainmail, which had me working through thousands of rings in just a few days. I was burning out on creating things, and wanted to put those down, but know that I need some sort of projects to work on or I start feeling a bit crappy as well. Well, Squishy left and I started cleaning through my room.  A heavy deep clean through all of my things, and sorting everything out that had found the wrong home.  In looking about, I wound up finding more of my supplies.  This time, some mohair that I had intended to give to Pyre to dye, as well as all my cord and embroidery thread. It reminded me of how much I do, and how much I make.  I decided to make a collection of kumihimo pieces, and made a small shawl in hopes of selling it soon.  Seeing it also made me remember t...

 I mentioned a few weeks ago that I have a new student, and how they've also started selling some of the things I make.  Well, after many weeks of trying to organize and get past other things, she was able to come and visit for a bit.   Overall it was a quiet visit, but good to see her.  We talked about some plans for the future, started working on something that will hopefully sell off a good amount of the things I've already made, and had a decent class in person that let me point out where she is making progress. There's a lot of ambition in what we're doing, and hopefully we get to it all.  In the meantime though, because I wanted to get so many things done because I felt like I was falling behind, I now feel like I don't have enough.  I feel like a failure because I'm not juggling twenty thousand things, even though this week is packed with the end of the school year for Squishy. I'm hoping to find balance this summer.  To have just enough ha...

 I think I've mentioned lately that I'm making a lot more things.  My books for the entire year are nearly done, and so I'm taking on more things that have me creating again.   My friend Scar, who I recently took on as a student has a store where she sells some wellness products, metaphysical goodies, and a handful of other things has said that she'll sell my chainmail, as well as potentially other things as well.  We worked out a consignment price, and just using the rings I had on hand, made her more than she said she would be able to display at a single event. I've also been doing some freelance art, which has me working with mediums that I haven't gotten to in a long time. It has me busy, which is a good thing, but certainly at a point where I'm taking on as much as I can, with all the other things happening right now.  I'm still motivated and inspired, but at the same time, I feel like I need to be constantly working on something.  When I'm not ...

 I haven't gotten to talk a lot on just general update things in a while, because I was pre-writing entries. And oof, there's been a lot, and much of it is pretty good. I've been able to stick to working out almost every day, and I've noticed myself making progress with a lot of things.  I have more energy in my day, and it helps me focus and feel better.  Likewise, it's helping me build a small bit of muscle, and get into better shape.  Trying to drop weight has slowed to a crawl, but overall I'm feeling better about my body. And on the idea of getting into better shape, I've started helping my friend Scar with her attempt to get healthier as well.  She was trying to go way too hard in the beginning, and it didn't stick for the most part, but I've been putting together personal workout sessions that will teach her belly dance, as well as be functional physical therapy, and encourage more movement into her day.  She's enjoying, and refused to do ...