A New Devious Chapter

 Sometimes, I have thoughts that pop into my head that no matter where I look, can't find what brought it on.  My mind then explores it, and tries to take it apart, and I wind up in a weird sort of space where I question a lot of things. And one night, I was contemplating gender, and what can affect it.  More specifically, our closed ideas of gender roles.  From the moment most people are born, they're told how to look, what to think, what to enjoy and how to behave purely by the genitals they have.  They're put in boxes with labels and requirements that we press on them, creating expectations that may not have anything to do with who a person is, or even healthy behaviors. It's why we have the insecure concepts of fragile toxic masculinity, like my brother refusing to use a lip balm, even if his lips were bleeding, because it might be mistaken as makeup and feminine.  Which got me thinking, if we weren't forcing thoughts on kids, and these specific ideas of what a

 While I tend to have ebbs and flows with all things, given the somewhat vast spectrum of things I enjoy, I come back to anime and manga a lot, and stick to them for a while when I do.  And lately, I've had another kick of it, going in to watch some things, and read some others. And even though I'm picking up both, I somehow wound up drawn to some of the darkest of each.  Things that focus on despair, revenge, torture, and various other things, all with sex thrown in. I had seen reviews on all of these things, and listened to people go on about how they were all so horrific in their content.  People spoke on how these things would affect them forever, and were absolutely sickening. Naturally, I wanted to see them, because I like dark things, and have a pretty high tolerance. For the most part, upon taking these things in, I found them rather benign.  The anime I actually recommended to Lux because he would find it hot, and I would too if I wasn't the most demisexual ever. 

 I had a moment on the way to my vaccine appointment that should have been telling of what would happen in the days after.  Time that showed me exactly why I feel the way I do about my parents. While sitting in the car, she's telling me about some of her customers from that morning, and earlier in the week.  At one point she tries to make something sound like a scandal, as she tells me about one woman, whose daughter at fourteen said that she had a boyfriend and wanted to go onto birth control.  I think she expected me to be aghast, and beside myself in disgust, but I was rather unaffected. I told her that it was a good thing that she felt comfortable going to her mother to ask for birth control.  Mentioned that she may not actually be doing anything yet, but that it could be very responsible of her to want to go onto something now, rather than once she's already having sex.   I also mentioned that she may have other reasons for asking, and reminded her about how I asked her to

 This was supposed to be a happy post that came out last week.  Writing about being excited, doing something important, and getting to do things that would help bring back some sense of normalcy. But, y'know, with my family we couldn't possibly have that. On March 23rd I managed to get myself an appointment for the covid vaccine.  Not the easiest feat where I am, but got one near my home, and after booking mine, actually managed to book one for a nearby time for my mother.  Half the house starting to get vaccinated, all in one swoop.  Squishy was practically vibrating from happiness, and I was elated.  Honestly, just having an appointment hit me incredibly hard. And even though I spent a month trying to get an appointment, showing excitement and relief from the chance at finally getting my vaccine, my mother was acting like this was an annoyance.  Like a horrible obligation that she didn't want to deal with, when she works with the public on a daily basis.  Her lack of care