A New Devious Chapter

 I've kept up with the blog for a very long time.  From posting twice a week for many years, to posting once, it's been a massive project of devotion and commitment that I have always managed to write in.  Originally it was something to hold me accountable, and then something for someone else to look in on, it held purpose and had a use for a long time. However, in the last few months it feels like an obligation amongst all the things I do.  I'm having trouble figuring out ways to make interesting post ideas, and it's lost the focus from how things started here.  Where this was labeled as a new chapter, it's been at least a decade, and there have been multiple chapters of my life in that time. And with that said, I'm entering another new chapter, and I think this one doesn't involve reflection here.  There are many things that I want to try in order to grow and make myself better, and making sure there is a full post here every week defeats some of the poin...

I got home from my week with Rabbit, with only just over a week to go before Thanksgiving.  By the end of the week we had mostly settled after the situation early on, but with so much that had to happen during the week, we still wanted time, and had some lingering anxiousness. Before starting the drive, we talked about it, and he was sharing that he was feeling guilty about things turning out the way I had thought they might.  I told him that we had adjusted during the week, and we made sure we got time together every day.  Then we asked if we each felt we had gotten what we wanted to out of the week.  While we wished we had the chance to go do something together, we were grateful for the time, and he was feeling productive, and like he was moving towards better and healthier habits. Overall, we were finding enough positive in the week, and agreed that what we needed was a day where we just spend time for us soon.  Much like the weekend we took for our anniversa...

 Recently, Rabbit and I had our one year anniversary.  For the first time in so, so very long, I got to celebrate the length of a relationship.  As much as we have both certainly learned that the health and quality of connection mean more than the timespan, it felt good to celebrate a year passing in the way that it has.  There's been so much in the last year, and so much that we've learned and healed just by being together that this one felt big. We started the weekend with Rabbit still feeling a little guilty that we had to change plans.  Initially I had gotten us a little private cottage and we were going to go to a renaissance faire where one of my favorite drum and pipe bands was performing.  With his back however, we scratched that, and I cancelled the reservation, opting instead to get a room in a nearby historic town we've been meaning to visit together, which would be much less traveling and walking, so thereby easier on his back and legs.  I ...

 After the weekend of madness that was Rabbit's birthday and my parents travelling, I had what I was hoping to be a little over a month until my next big thing.  With Squishy having the idea that living with the gnome will magically make everything better, I decided to send her there for a month.  It would be longer than a visit, and would actually give her an idea of what it would be like living there.  Rabbit immediately saw that as a chance for me to spend a long time with him, and while initially I was planning on doing a few days at home first, it would be a long process to get to that. At the beginning of the month there was a scramble to get things done at Rabbit's place.  He has been on his last thread with the friend who moved in at the beginning of the pandemic, for many reasons, and recently made the decision to let two other friends move in.  That did however mean moving himself from having a bedroom and a music room to just having one room down...

 I'm finally home from my trip to Israel with Rabbit.  We spent ten days halfway across the world together, spending very little time apart, navigating new things, airports, long days, and family gatherings.  I will admit that while I wasn't all that worried about spending the time together, it was a major thing, and would definitely be a test of our relationship. However, the entire time, we were close, and happy, and consistently affectionate with each other.  His parents kept sending us off places, seeing us holding hands, talking, sharing stories, and excited to experience things.  For a trip where we were walking about fifteen miles a day, in heavy heat, and doing fairly intense things, and in awkward situations, we ultimately had each other's best interest at heart, and wanted to take care of each other no matter what was happening. And we saw so much.  I feel like I got a birthright tour in a week and a half, with a wedding somewhere in the middle....

Rabbit and I are at an amount of time where it's just on that verge of being considered a long term relationship, and yet due to having very long previous relationships, still feels short.  It's only just about seven months altogether, but is still at a point where we now feel settled in in many ways. And one of the things that I recently had seen, as well as having talked about, was that most couples stop dating once they become exclusive, and find some routine in simply existing around each other.  That most couples spend their time watching tv together, not talking, or discussing, or doing anything to grow themselves or their relationship.  It causes stagnation, or even the seeds of resentment if the timeline goes long enough. We still try to find pockets of time, whenever we can, to go on little adventures together.  Even if it's just taking a short drive to somewhere to walk around, we get time when we can focus on each other, our relationship, and strengthening...

 It's been about twenty years since I've been on a plane.  Not only that, but both times I was on a plane previously I was with my parents, and I've never left the country.  While I typically have realistic ideas on what to expect in different places, doing new things in regard to travel makes me very anxious. And I've just realized recently that in only a couple of weeks, I'm going to be flying over an ocean with just my boyfriend to meet his family for the first time.  I know I'll be overpacking in some ways, but no more than I would on any other trip.  I'm making sure to account for many things I know Rabbit won't think of, and trying to be on top of everything, as I know how forgetful he is.   At the same time, I'm trying to be as minimal with packing as possible.  I want to make sure I have room for souvenirs, and with probably staying with different family, don't want to have too much to keep track of.  Not to mention that in regards to...

 Ok, now that the holidays are almost done here (with the exception of the pile of birthdays), I can share about the last couple of weeks of the year. I mentioned before the new year that we had an emergency trip to keep Squishy safe.  That meant getting home just before Channukah, and where we would have had a few days to prep, I instead had one.  Luckily, I had done most of the prep well beforehand, and with my mom paring down the holidays so much, it was fairly easy.  It wound up not being too bad, and was good to actually share another holiday with Rabbit, because I'm still getting used to sharing holidays with a partner. There was only some frustration with Squishy not understanding that you prioritize holidays over extra curriculars, and my mom trying to claim that she did everything for the holiday, where realistically, she made two things.  I let Squishy open some presents each night, and she was happy with all of them, and surprised by a few.  Far ...

 My birthday also happened last month, and so right after going to Brooklyn, I had a short amount of time to repack, and prepare for Rabbit to come and pick me up for a long visit with him again.  We had made some plans for my birthday, which fell through, but immediately turned into backup plans that we were both excited for. I had sent him with most of my things the week before, which meant that we could finally ride the bike from my place to his, so long as I packed lightly enough to fit everything in the saddlebags.  He wanted me to bring rope, which means we had to fit a second bag, and that just barely managed to fit.  But we got up early and got on the road, with a fantastic ride across the state during the morning sun.  We then got over to his parents' house, where he had some papers to sign, and I made sure he had as much time with the piano and accordion as he wanted.  It was wonderful to see him just decompress and play, and all the joy it brough...

 The last month was a lot.  A handful of adventures and little things that happened in different ways, and events both good and bad.  So all this month is going to be some stories and talking about a span of about two or three weeks in July. We're starting with a trip that I had finally managed to plan back in late spring.  After both of us having everything occurring, Dansa and I found a space where we could carve out time for a visit.  That meant trucking myself up to Brooklyn, where I could spend a weekend with someone I hadn't seen in a little over a year.  And after everything that happened lately, it was good to get us both caught up on everything. The trip up wasn't too bad.  I packed extremely light because I didn't want to lug everything ever through the city, and didn't have a ton of extra gifts to bring this time around, and we didn't have much in the way of things we wanted to do.  In fact, all we wanted to do was have dumplings ( a ru...

 Remember how I said I had a lot of adventures at the end of June?  Well, as of writing this I'm only a couple of days in, and damn if it hasn't already been a trip. Puppy showed up on the Sunday evening after he was done with father's day obligations.  I was still having the off moments of feeling unsure around him from the weekend prior.  Even when we were curled up watching one of my favorite anime, I never quite got comfortable.  After everything that had happened lately, I wound up exhausted early, and we got to bed, where I slept like a rock. The next morning, Puppy and I had sex, and while I wasn't quite into it, things were a little better than the weekend before, so I attributed it to my overall mental state, and trucked along.  The morning went quietly enough, although the gnome pulled some annoyances that I should have expected, and got us out the door a but later than planned.   And then the universe started throwing bricks at me....

 My parents both recently had to take a trip down to Virginia due to a death in the mostly family.  While I didn't like the timing of it initially, it didn't interfere with any of the plans I had already made, and that made things much easier for me.  Puppy was leaving the same day they did, Squishy had their last week of school, and so Rabbit was able to come visit for most of the time we were gone. And while we were both in a bit of a compromised state still, after everything that's happened, it was also a couple of days where we could enjoy time together, be silly, and have vast chunks of time to be able to play.  Given that it's been years since he had done any kink, we're re-exploring all the things he used to enjoy, a little at a time.  I recently also did some mental exploration, and discovered a handful of reasons as to why I had never been attracted to him, given the friendship and connection we'd built over the years, and subsequently fixed some things...

I had a long weekend with Rabbit, and so much happened over a few days, that I'm boiling over with things to explore.  This month is probably going to be almost all posts related to it, which means I should have no problem staying caught up over the summer, since I have a lot of adventures planned even without going to camp. But right now, we're going to talk about an important weekend.  Rabbit had his birthday, turned thirty, and his ex finally moved out of the house.  It was an amorphous blend of stress, sleepless nights, surprises, kink, exploration, rediscovery, and unbridled joy.  At the end I went home exhausted, but wishing it could happen again soon. The first night he had work early, but his ex was also supposed to be gone before he left.  We both wound up staying up all night trying to listen for her leaving, and making sure we didn't hear them going into somewhere they shouldn't.  Rabbit and I would do little touch checks while in bed to see if t...

 Last weekend was something that left me sunburnt, and concerned in some ways, but feeling happy in others. Puppy came out for another weekend, which we had planned for a while, in order to go to the new renn faire that started in New York.  First though, we had a bit of time since he drove out early to avoid shore traffic.  We watched a live action adaptation for an anime that we've been digging into, and found yet another movie to get to. The faire was fun, but a long drive away.  I'm looking forward to seeing how it evolves over time as it gains more traction and notice, because right now it's a little small, as people don't want to risk an eight week contract on a gamble.  On the ride home, there was a lot of problematic people on the road, and we were both about hangry, and it was not great. However, while trying to make up plans, backups, and backups for backups, I eventually got us a solid idea for dinner.  I asked him if he wanted to try somewhere f...

 It happens every spring, or at least it did, until the pandemic first hit.  I go from one or two things, until close to Easter, and then I barely have time to breathe. And this May, is right back to that.  Puppy asked if he could crash here in order to make Mother's day easier, and while I'd hit a point where things were difficult on my end, I told him I would be busy, but he was welcome.  It wound up actually being a decent time, and while I still need to have a serious talk with him (which will hopefully happen after he's here again this weekend) it definitely made me feel better about keeping him as a decent friend. Also, we tried a thai place nearby, and it was fantastic. This coming weekend we're going to a new renn faire that some friends of mine are performing at.  It'll be a long adventure, but one that I'm looking forward to after years without going to one. The one weekend I was supposed to have free, I found something interesting that I sent to Rabbi...

 For as busy as I was trying to get ahead of things in February, I managed to get through just about all the goals I gave myself.  Even with everything my parents threw on me, I paced myself through everything, and got almost my entire list accomplished, with the exception of my second blog, due to Skynet's ridiculous action. It was incredibly satisfying to realize that I either managed through the goals I set, or made well enough progress that it either kept up with timelines, or would allow me to not feel overwhelmed next month.  It was a fairly substantial list, and while I was constantly hopping from one thing to another, I was able to make sure I also gave myself some time in the evenings, or even some weekends to breathe and have space. However, February is truly a catch up month.  There's no ton of birthdays or travel that I ever plan, so I can pile things on, and know I have most days available as standard routine.  This month changes that, with the retu...

 Finally, we hit the end of the holidays here.  All the birthdays are done, and big obligations.  Sure, we still have things coming up, but they're smaller, and don't require actual work.  I'm looking forward to the little things that those involve, and just getting to have fun. Squishy had some friends over for her birthday.  They both live right down the road, and while as loud as you would expect three young barely teens to be, they're good kids.  I'm glad she's made some better friends than she had, and has settled into the middle school fairly well.  I've unfortunately had to have words with my mom a few times about them though, because she keeps insisting that they're all girls despite being told otherwise multiple times.  It's irritating, and I try to be extra attentive of my language with them to help them all feel better. The weekend after, I went out to Philly for Puppy's birthday, because apparently I'm never allowed to find people...

 Normally this week, I would want to try to spend time with Lux, and I do, but with him dealing with some things, he didn't have the spoons to have me there for a week and take care of planning and such.  Not wanting to lose out on seeing someone during Halloween weekend, I wanted to still do something.  Puppy asked about my availability in the next few weeks, so we decided to spend the last weekend together, because we both needed some calm hangout time with things going on, or things that will happen. So on a rainy night, we made the trek back out to Philly again.  We had no real plans, just that we wanted to have some drinks, he had school work to do, and we would relax together. He asked if I wanted to go do anything for Halloween, and I told him that I still wasn't comfortable with big gatherings yet, especially out where people would potentially be unmasked.  Top that with the number of accidents we saw on our way back from grabbing bagels, and we were qui...

 I'm pretty sure I mentioned a beach episode a couple of weeks ago, and looking forward to it for a myriad of reasons.  That I had wanted to take advantage of a long weekend, see Lux after not getting to for a couple of months, and have a good reset.  He unfortunately hasn't been feeling well though, and couldn't join us, so we decided to postpone. And so I was left with a long weekend and no plans. I poked around a little, to no avail, trying to find a way to take advantage of this time, and enjoy some company. Meanwhile, a Puppy friend of mine and I have been slowly talking more over the last year.  We had a falling out due to things that happened on both our parts, which caused us to have a divide for a good while.  He's also had a hell of a year, with going through a hard breakup with someone who fucked him over mentally, got injured and needed surgery, started juggling both school and work, and just recently is dealing with loss.  I've tried to be more...

 I'm currently at Lux's, on my first long visit just to see him in about two years.  Between the pandemic, and needing schedules to line up, until his recent visit to me, the only thing we've been able to do are those short little overnights at my place. There's certainly been a bit of adjustment again, as we get used to living around each other.  Things like sharing a bed in an apartment I haven't visited to before, and getting things done in a new office space together.  We adjust quickly though, knowing how to work with the other at this point, for the most part anyway.   It's a good break from some things, and I think a necessary change of pace for us both.  There's been lots of little reassurances for us just being us, and moments of talking about where we want different things to go.  Quiet moments of ambition and desire that make me feel happy and driven to make everything work. We also took a day to see some friends that I hadn't seen in a...