A New Devious Chapter

 Part of being demisexual, at least for my particular case, involves not getting any enjoyment out of watching others have sex.  Normal types of pornography usually turn me off, or only make me laugh at best, but have never turned me on.  However, aspects of kink I enjoy that don't involve traditional sexual framing absolutely can be hot to me, and that's something that often takes a bit for others to understand. So when it comes to Rabbit, who tends to process most things sexually, or enjoy sex mixed into all parts of his life, I had gotten a little worried.  I wasn't sure if this would be a case where it would never be understood, or something that would be used against me like it has been. While I was at his place, I introduced him to one of my favorite anime.  I also told him that he was only allowed to watch up to a certain episode alone.  So he watched up to that point the day after I went home, and then had to wait a week until he came over on Thanksgiving.  And whil

 There's been a lot of changes in the last year.  So many both externally and internally that have forced me to grow, change, and reclaim myself in the past twelve months.  I realize how complacent I had gotten in a lot of ways, and how much I am pushing myself as a result now for what I want, and striving for even more. So this year, as much as there has been a lot of hurt, stress, panic, and feeling lost, I have a lot that I'm grateful for.  I'm making a lot of progress in becoming a better me, and building a better life. Which means, today I get to make the obligatory list coming into the holiday. I am grateful for introspection.  Being able to look at how I actually felt during various times, and realizing what was a survival behavior, versus getting to decide what I want. I am grateful for my drive.  I am constantly taking on more.  Finding new ways to work with what I have, push myself, and move into new venues. I am grateful for my ability to learn.  I have picked up

 Squishy had a week without school where she went to see her step family, so I spent a week with Rabbit.  His parents were just getting back from their home country, so we needed to pick them up from the train station, and see them for the first time in months.  It was good to spend time with them, and it's still amazing how welcoming they are to me. The week as a whole was enjoyable.  We spent one day going up to New York City, where I brought Rabbit into Chinatown for the first time.  We got some super cheap dumplings, and pastries, wandered around tiny shops, and watched lots of musicians.  After that we went into Brooklyn and he got to meet Dansa for the first time.  They got along well, and it was fun overall.  I'm always happy getting to introduce friends to each other. The only real thing that I can complain about, which is often something I've found happens with Rabbit, is his time management.  He's not late for things, but he sort of falls into holes of time, a

 Just before Halloween, Rabbit was over for an extra day because he needed an extra day before going back to work.  We spent the day working on personal things, and spending time curled up together.  While it didn't mean another night together (he had work the next morning) it did mean an extra twelve hours before saying goodbye for the week. And during that time, at one point I started sharing examples of things that have happened in my home.  How I'm treated by my parents, and the situation I'm living in.  And I realized, while talking about it, that I started feeling more anxious.   I noticed that even though he was being supportive, and telling me that he was here for good and bad, and asking what I might need in the moment, I was wishing I'd never said a word.  My mind could only go to Lux telling me that he couldn't deal with my home life.  That it was too much for him, and how he would disappear whenever things got bad.  I was so worried that I would lose thi

 I'm only writing this halfway through October, but enough has happened in the first few weeks of dating Rabbit that I can definitely talk about it. Right after we became official was the new year.  Even though he had work, and also had plans for the holiday (Yes, my mother is overjoyed that I found a nice Jewish boy) he played with his schedule to leave as early as possible and come to my place for a few hours.  I felt anxious about it as he talked about wanting to drive out here.  I've always had people use the things they do against me.  Like it's an excuse to do things that hurt later, because they stored up some good deeds earlier.  He assured me that this wasn't the case, and that he wanted to put into the holiday what he wanted to get out of the coming year, which was happiness and time with me.  And after almost a decade of someone who I invited to everything, and never showed, that hit hard. And we had a couple of hours where even though I hadn't told my pa