A New Devious Chapter

The day that Rabbit was feeling overwhelmed, we first went to drop off something to my brother.  Squishy had plans to go meet friends, so we didn't have to be up and moving super early like we normally would during the school year.  When we did get out the door though, we initially had plans, but it didn't quite work out.   However, while on the ride, I don't remember what prompted it, but something came up that had Rabbit saying about how he didn't need group sex anymore because he had me, and that I wasn't interested in it.  I told him that regardless of me, if he wanted to do something, we'd figure out a safe way to go about it that made us both comfortable and happy.  He assured me that if he wanted to, he would tell me, and that he understood that I wouldn't provide everything he might ever want, just like how I couldn't do some things for him.  Then he gave the example that he couldn't do impact the way I want, because I don't see him that ...

 Part of being demisexual, at least for my particular case, involves not getting any enjoyment out of watching others have sex.  Normal types of pornography usually turn me off, or only make me laugh at best, but have never turned me on.  However, aspects of kink I enjoy that don't involve traditional sexual framing absolutely can be hot to me, and that's something that often takes a bit for others to understand. So when it comes to Rabbit, who tends to process most things sexually, or enjoy sex mixed into all parts of his life, I had gotten a little worried.  I wasn't sure if this would be a case where it would never be understood, or something that would be used against me like it has been. While I was at his place, I introduced him to one of my favorite anime.  I also told him that he was only allowed to watch up to a certain episode alone.  So he watched up to that point the day after I went home, and then had to wait a week until he came over on Thanks...

 Early this spring, when Rabbit and I started talking, he mentioned wanting to find a rope bottom to practice on again.  I told him that I bottom for rope once in a while, and liked helping people navigate ties and learn.  That was also when I offered to top other play for him, and well, we see how that's turned so far. But when we started talking about rope again, he realized that he'd forgotten everything, and also shared that he enjoyed being tied up.  So in order to help him learn, I showed him the basics of what I knew.  I never learned a lot of rope, because it wasn't much of an interest, but I did learn a little, just to have a better idea of safety.  I claim that I only know enough to get myself into or out of trouble. And while I've been teaching him, I've been tying him up as well.  At the same time, he's feeling more and more drawn to rope, and wants to learn enough to consider himself a rigger.  Meanwhile, I'm just trying to learn enou...

 When Rabbit and I first started talking again, he would remind me that in his previous dynamics where he was submissive, he was heavily trained and very well behaved.  He told me about how he was super obedient, didn't talk back, and was far more of a pet for use than anything. So when we started playing, I continually encouraged him to be him.  I would be bratty with him, and playful, while still having control.  Soon enough, he would start speaking up, playing back, pushing for more, and also being a brat.  It was like all that training went out the window, but at the same time, he seemed happy to do it all, and like he was actually having fun.   We joke about things like brat taming, and how I will spoil him with play, and making sure I have his favorite things on hand.  That I will curl him up and play with his hair, and do all the things that he wants, rather than try to instill discipline.  While he certainly still brats, and is sassy,...

 Between my visits to Rabbit, there was a week when he couldn't come spend a night with me.  He was taking care of some important things at home, and so didn't have time to be here.  At the same time, he had commented that he didn't clean up super well after one of the times we had sex, and some fluids dried and caused a small scab.  He mentioned that it was a bit of a raw spot, and not the most comfortable. I told him that he should abstain from doing anything that might mess with the skin for a couple of days, which included masturbation.  He whined, and tried to dismiss the idea, not wanting to be told no. Then, somehow thinking it might trick me in some fashion, he went to make a deal with me.  He said that he would abstain for three days, which meant an extra long weekend before getting to see me, which would let it heal.  In return, when I saw him, I had to edge him for as long as possible.  When I wasn't sure, purely because I was concerned...

 A while ago, when Rabbit and I first started playing he made a comment about not really being much of a masochist, but just in primarily for sensation play.  He spoke about his bad experiences with impact previously, and I noticed him just sticking to wanting to play with a couple of different things. And I realized, that while he had done a lot of things in regards to sex, and whatever his fucket list on that front, there was very little he'd done to explore to kink.  He didn't have people who were heavily educated, had never been to a public kink event, and had done little to no rough body play. So one night, as we were winding down after sex, I gave him a solid hit on the upper ribs.  He looked at me a second, as he actually processed the feeling of it, then sort of happily curled up on himself, and asked me to do it again.  We realized we needed a snack, so we ran out, and he was gleefully announcing to a friend that he discovered he liked being punched. Ev...

 My birthday also happened last month, and so right after going to Brooklyn, I had a short amount of time to repack, and prepare for Rabbit to come and pick me up for a long visit with him again.  We had made some plans for my birthday, which fell through, but immediately turned into backup plans that we were both excited for. I had sent him with most of my things the week before, which meant that we could finally ride the bike from my place to his, so long as I packed lightly enough to fit everything in the saddlebags.  He wanted me to bring rope, which means we had to fit a second bag, and that just barely managed to fit.  But we got up early and got on the road, with a fantastic ride across the state during the morning sun.  We then got over to his parents' house, where he had some papers to sign, and I made sure he had as much time with the piano and accordion as he wanted.  It was wonderful to see him just decompress and play, and all the joy it brough...

 The last month was a lot.  A handful of adventures and little things that happened in different ways, and events both good and bad.  So all this month is going to be some stories and talking about a span of about two or three weeks in July. We're starting with a trip that I had finally managed to plan back in late spring.  After both of us having everything occurring, Dansa and I found a space where we could carve out time for a visit.  That meant trucking myself up to Brooklyn, where I could spend a weekend with someone I hadn't seen in a little over a year.  And after everything that happened lately, it was good to get us both caught up on everything. The trip up wasn't too bad.  I packed extremely light because I didn't want to lug everything ever through the city, and didn't have a ton of extra gifts to bring this time around, and we didn't have much in the way of things we wanted to do.  In fact, all we wanted to do was have dumplings ( a ru...

 As a quick update, about one week post everything happening that I talked about in my last post, my neck is just about fine.  Every once in a while I feel a tiny bit of discomfort, but for the most part, I don't even notice it anymore. But anyway, it's been almost a full week with Rabbit, and while we had these plans to get lots of things accomplished, we may have accidentally let many of them fall to the wayside for sex.  Some things have gotten done.  He got his bike up and running, and we got me a helmet so that I can ride with him.  I've helped with getting the house a little more put together, keeping up with laundry, and taking care of the pups. We've also had sex in almost every room in the house, some multiple times.  This includes having sex on the motorcycle while it was in the garage being finished up.  I may have joked that if I couldn't ride the bike until it gets a new seat, I would just ride them both at once. At the same time, we've fi...

 My parents both recently had to take a trip down to Virginia due to a death in the mostly family.  While I didn't like the timing of it initially, it didn't interfere with any of the plans I had already made, and that made things much easier for me.  Puppy was leaving the same day they did, Squishy had their last week of school, and so Rabbit was able to come visit for most of the time we were gone. And while we were both in a bit of a compromised state still, after everything that's happened, it was also a couple of days where we could enjoy time together, be silly, and have vast chunks of time to be able to play.  Given that it's been years since he had done any kink, we're re-exploring all the things he used to enjoy, a little at a time.  I recently also did some mental exploration, and discovered a handful of reasons as to why I had never been attracted to him, given the friendship and connection we'd built over the years, and subsequently fixed some things...

 When I got home, while Rabbit's now ex had finally moved out, he didn't have a lot of time to process.  I was there for a good few days, and he had work, but he wound up with the full weekend off.  And that first day, at a certain point, I get a message saying that things started to hit.  That suddenly all the change, and the realization of how dark things got, and how much of himself he sacrificed over the last few years. So I gave him patience, and presence, and the understanding of someone who has been in those spaces.  I gave him the space to sit, and process, and get himself past some of the initial hit. And then a few days later, I had something happen.  Something that tore me apart, caused me to spin, and made me feel far more broken than I had in a long time.  I was typing with a handful of people, but knew Rabbit was asleep, so while I sent one message, I didn't expect a response.  He eventually woke up, saw it, and called me.  When...

 One of the things I was concerned with while Rabbit and I were negotiating any sort of play, was where our overlap in interests was.  In particular was that while he says he's a masochist, he's not a fan of heavy impact, and mostly does sensation play. And well, that got me a little worried at first.  I like using force.  I like throwing a heavy beating.  I like getting tired, and leaving someone a bruised up mess.  I was concerned that with some of my favorite things off the table, we wouldn't have enough kinks in common. But then I remembered, I'm not just an impact sadist.  I don't need to bring about excruciating pain to enjoy play.  We talk about suffering a lot in kink, and while I always think of myself as being happy when I bottom for impact, I need to remember that I don't necessarily look for that in others. I also kept in mind that I can be very patient with the creative process, and also have the ability to think out of the box, and m...

I had a long weekend with Rabbit, and so much happened over a few days, that I'm boiling over with things to explore.  This month is probably going to be almost all posts related to it, which means I should have no problem staying caught up over the summer, since I have a lot of adventures planned even without going to camp. But right now, we're going to talk about an important weekend.  Rabbit had his birthday, turned thirty, and his ex finally moved out of the house.  It was an amorphous blend of stress, sleepless nights, surprises, kink, exploration, rediscovery, and unbridled joy.  At the end I went home exhausted, but wishing it could happen again soon. The first night he had work early, but his ex was also supposed to be gone before he left.  We both wound up staying up all night trying to listen for her leaving, and making sure we didn't hear them going into somewhere they shouldn't.  Rabbit and I would do little touch checks while in bed to see if t...

We've hit that point where Lux and I are more seeing silly symptoms of stress.  Life has happened (and continues to happen) and we're both going through a ton.  As a result, we're noticing some of the standard responses from our brain. It means we're both super horny, while we're apart, and craving all the things. Well, he's craving all the things.  I'm apparently at a point where it's all a bit more specific.  I've stopped wanting violence the same way I normally would.  Instead I'm wanting controlling force, that comes from a place of possessive power exchange.   It's not that situation which is near a stereotype of wanting something different.  It's not that I feel like I need to let go of being in charge.  Hell, with things going on, I'm feeling out of control of everything around me, and the entirety of my day. I want the comfort of having control in the hands of someone I trust.  To feel the steadiness that I'm doing what I ...

 The pandemic has been going on long enough that there are many times when I need to remind my parents that when the holidays come soon, we can't have a ton of people here.  That no matter how long we've been doing this, it is both irresponsible, immoral, and illegal to have the house packed with people we would normally have. I hear Lux talking about how when it's all over, he wants to meet with friends for orgies, and play with everyone. And here I am, going longer and longer through all of this, and only meeting with friends a handful of times since this all started, which includes invasions.  Time away from groups, avoiding events, and minimizing outings altogether.  Things that I normally associate with recharging, and helping me process and face life a bit better. But, I'm not craving them.  I don't want massive holidays.  I don't want to find a ton of new partners.  I don't want to attend events.  As time goes on with this, I find myself ju...

With us about a month into isolation, and not sure when it will end, I'm definitely feeling the effects.  So, I decided to think about all the things I want to do once it's safe to make plans and be with others again. I am going to koala on my partners so hard.  Full Master Blaster backpack koala. I want to finally run a game of Dread. Whatever local dumpy restaurants survive this, I want to try with people. Even if it's in my own yard, I want to have a fire, and share cigars and whiskey with friends. This will be the year I invite people over and finally watch the Matrix.  Because I'm the only person who hasn't seen any of them. On that note, I'm going to show Lux all the Jersey movies.  Half of them take place about two towns away from where he grew up. I want so much play time.  I don't care how intense, but I need that connection now more than ever. Play should also happen with friends too.  Not just the people I've done things with before...

After my mental whirlwind of a night when the fire show happened at Fusion, I decided that scotch and cigars were a necessary thing.  Back to Compound I went, where one of many Aussies was present and offering me tasty scotch.  I talked to him for a few minutes, before Dansa came over to sit with us.  I mentioned my classes, and a man near us asked about what I was teaching. I told him I was teaching a care of tops lecture, and we began in on discussing different aspects of things.  Basic concepts of negotiation, ideas on topping from the bottom, and a handful of other topics.  In general he responded fairly respectfully, but definitely had me more tagged as a bottom with how he talked to me, I tried speaking to me like I was a child, which I didn't appreciate. And then while talking about these things, he decided to try turn it into a dick measuring contest of toppy skill.  He told some story about how he played with a woman for the first time, and whi...

Last camp, I had mentioned how being there made me feel inspired to switch more.  To do more topping, because it is usually what I'm more drawn to. Coming up to camp, I had made plans to top a few people, and only bottom to one friend as well as my partners, because they obviously would get priority.  It had me excited to be embracing my sadist again, though worried about being rusty. And in standard camp fashion, most of those plans didn't happen.  Some did, but several fell to the wayside of either lack of time, or things happening which would not make that play as safe as it should be. With a random free evening due to some rain, I had the chance to play with Lux.  With adjustments we'd talked about previously, and a more serious tone, I got near that floaty spacey state.  We both agreed that with loud scenes going on around us in the dungeon, it became distracting for us, and something to keep in mind for the future.  Almost an hour he hit me thou...

There's a Fusion discord server, and I joined, because sometimes I like to be awkward at people in my day to day.  I found myself talking there a little bit, but conversations never got super deep. One day, some people were talking about what they wanted to do more of this camp, and someone mentioned just wanting to do more this year as a whole.  I said I felt the same way, and was making plans to make sure that happened.  He said he didn't know enough people to make plans beforehand, and didn't know how he would even be with his camp, and making excuses about being an introvert, and all that. I didn't allow those excuses, and told him to attend some classes, because then he'd at least find people who had some level of shared interest.  Told him that I'm socially awkward, and have trouble with new people despite being an extrovert.  Conversation moved, and he started trying to test the waters, and eventually it turned into him saying that he's into CBT....

In the process of negotiating things for Fusion, there's been a lot of me checking in with whoever I'm playing with to see what they are good with.  And in return, I notice there is a lot of focus on asking tops how they want to feel in a scene. And, perhaps it's my weird brain, but that's the least of my worries in play. I don't care about being made to feel a certain way.  I don't want people to behave in a way that elicits an emotion from me.  Perhaps if there was a scene that involved power exchange, we may find something where I wanted to feel some kind of way, but that's not what I want normally. I want something organic.  I want us to just feel like people. I want to feel like we're having fun. I want to be able to punch people. And yea, that's about it.  It's not about feeling powerful, or in control, or feared, or anything like that.  I want to know we're having fun.  If the other person feels like they're being pus...