A New Devious Chapter

 When I got home from my bout with covid, I was inspired to get things put together at Rabbit's, and make the house there ready for us to move in.  We had so many ideas about how to get the house functional, cleaned up, and looking like a real home.  Knowing that this year we move in together, we both are feeling excited and impatient, and ready to get things prepared. I had to go home though, to my puppy and my kid, and two weeks worth of falling behind on work that wasn't touched.  I was completely unaware of the situation I was going home to, with what my parents had done or not, or Squishy as well.  The next week was also all the birthdays, which meant even more on my plate. Well, Squishy was herself, and didn't make anything easier on me.  I was still run down from being sick, with a mountain of things to catch up on as well as I could, and anxiety about a myriad of ideas, and she was being difficult at every turn.  I wasn't getting answers about ...

 After all of the explosions on all sides, I had two days home to try and get things done before heading out with Rabbit again.  I was suddenly dumped with the mental load of a home that expected me to do without any regard for anything, and it was quickly affecting me.  Even with everything we were juggling out at Rabbit's, I found it easier on my mental state than just being home for two days.  He saw what was happening, and felt badly for me.  I explained that this has been what I was raised to think was normal, and he immediately felt stressed about it, and wanted to get me out of the house and moved in with him. However, we got Squishy home from school, and all packed up to head out.  The plan, even with the obstacles, was to have dinner with his parents for Chanukah, and then the next day he could tackle the yard while we cleaned in the house, and then have a Friday dinner at his place.  Most of his parents' friends weren't feeling up to celebrat...

 I was supposed to have one and a half weeks between Thanksgiving and Channukah.  That time was meant to be used for a thousand things, caught in the juggle of catching up with everything I make, gifts, holidays, parenting, and general life.  Every day was going to be nonstop, but I had a plan for it all. The Friday before Channukah I called Rabbit to wake him up, and within an hour he found out that a neighbor who was consistently hollering at him over nothing, or calling the cops on things that wasn't him had filed with the township about his front yard being "unsightly".  He also got told by one of his new roommates that he wasn't able to make rent, and had to deal with a someone showing up to do some pest treatments.  As he was driving away from all this, he got a call saying animal control was there, because the same neighbor had filed another complaint about noise and the yard being a "health hazard" due to smell and feces, which is interesting conside...

For wanting October to be calm, there was so much to juggle and adjust for, and we've managed to find the silver linings in all of it, or make the best of what we could.  In many ways, we're recovering slowly, but things are tough, and I'm put in a lot of situations that are forcing my hand in ways that I don't want to so soon. A brighter part is that I may stop posting here as much.  I still want to try and write up a post a week in order to help me process my own thoughts and stay organized, but I've decided to pick up a monthly vlog, and so I may not need to write here as a trade off.  It's appearing to be more difficult to try and get the video clips than anything, but I'm sure that will get easier with time. I'm trying to get more ahead with things like writing, drawing, and making videos to help with the busy holidays coming.  With my house still having zero intention of doing the cookiepocalypse again, I'm sad, but it is giving me extra time t...

 We knew that Squishy had a long weekend, and so initially we were planning to have him visit for a couple of days, then we would do the long weekend out his way.  He then decided that he wanted a break away from the house and for us to spend the time at my place, but we would do one night at his parents, so that we could still go to the doctor and have Friday dinner. And at first things were great, with Rabbit finding a new guitar, which meant that I got to enjoy the sound of it, and have lots of time together.  We made our way out to his parents, and enjoyed an evening with them, and woke up Saturday morning.  As we went downstairs, we heard the news on, and found out about everything going on where his family is.  We were worried, and trying to hear from everyone to know they were safe.  The conversation needed to happen about trying to find space for whoever felt they needed to come over if they couldn't stay safe out there. Because it was still part of...

 Things have been difficult at best not between Rabbit and I, but in our homes.  He's had his back injury, and some poor health choices that lead to him getting bells palsy, which is slow going on the healing front.  To top things off, his previous roommate who was the source of a ton of problems, brought fleas into the house, and didn't mention it until everyone was getting bit.  We tried some at home solutions, and while I was there was sticking to them and maintaining it, but as soon as I left it wasn't kept up with the same way and didn't go so well. Rabbit eventually called Terminix, and got a monthly estimate.  For the first appointment, they were six hours late, without notice.  It helped upstairs, but unfortunately, they didn't do the necessary post-care, and it didn't do anything where the issue was the worst.  He scheduled a second appointment, and they just never showed up, without any notice.  Rabbit tried to reschedule, and they could...

 Recently, Rabbit and I had our one year anniversary.  For the first time in so, so very long, I got to celebrate the length of a relationship.  As much as we have both certainly learned that the health and quality of connection mean more than the timespan, it felt good to celebrate a year passing in the way that it has.  There's been so much in the last year, and so much that we've learned and healed just by being together that this one felt big. We started the weekend with Rabbit still feeling a little guilty that we had to change plans.  Initially I had gotten us a little private cottage and we were going to go to a renaissance faire where one of my favorite drum and pipe bands was performing.  With his back however, we scratched that, and I cancelled the reservation, opting instead to get a room in a nearby historic town we've been meaning to visit together, which would be much less traveling and walking, so thereby easier on his back and legs.  I ...

While Rabbit is trying to heal, there are times when he needs to be able to stretch for the comfort of his leg and back, and he is choosing to do that in VR.  He can feel like he's running and jumping around like a normal person.  Evenings in particular are difficult for him, as his back is strained from going about the day.  This means that most of the night I would be alone while at his place. At the same time, I needed to be on top of my sleep schedule due to Squishy starting school soon.  I was making sure to go to bed by a certain time, and had an alarm for far earlier than Rabbit was waking up.  In some ways, this was nice, because I was able to get a lot of my work done in this time, without having to enforce that time alone.  It however meant that outside of going to appointments, or running errands together, we had little more than mealtimes sharing space, and with both of us being home, and it being my last long stint there for a while, I was feel...

 One of the things that I was concerned about with this last visit to Rabbit's, especially with his still being injured, was getting to be able to get work done.  I'm used to holing up at his place when he has a long work day, but having to get things done with him there hasn't worked the best in the past.  Between wanting to spend time with each other, him not being able to do much without my being present, and things going on in the house that have some spaces less friendly right now, I was incredibly worried about getting things done. The last visit, when he first wound up out of work resulted in me not getting anything done other than necessary product postings for two weeks.  I couldn't take that time off again, knowing that while I was ahead on some things, I was also quickly catching up to deadlines on others.  It wasn't going to look good if this visit also resulted in my not being able to get things made and done.  So I told him leading up to the v...

 I got home from my long visit with Rabbit and found myself missing him, despite all the anxiety and lack of space due to his injury and being out of work.  At the same time, I was swamped with things at home and the stress there.  Top that off with needing to catch up from two weeks of not working, and it meant I was no recovering well from the mental state I went home in.  For several days I barely got anything I needed to finished at all, just because I was being dragged around for whatever my parents wanted. After about the first week, I managed to be able to get some work in though, and was getting back to some routine.  I was just about on top of things as much as I needed to be, and then things changed.  Rabbit had people moving in and out of the house, who weren't doing anything near what they needed to.  He couldn't move much, or lift anything, which had him feeling horrible, and didn't help the situation we were trying to get out of. On my en...

 Months ago, I picked up tickets for what I had wanted to do for my birthday.  Initially, it was supposed to be open well beforehand, but then as time crept forward, I noticed myself being more set on what normally happens, and didn't expect it to open.  I was sad, but tried to find a backup plan, and unfortunately couldn't find something.   Then with Rabbit's leg and back, and him going out of work, I knew that most things we wouldn't be able to do.  However, where we had thought we only had a certain day, this meant we had more time if we did find something.  That's when I saw a message about the soft opening of where I had bought tickets for.  Rabbit offered to still go, but he could barely do ten minutes in the car, and the thing involved crawling and exploring.  I wanted the both of us to be able to run around and explore, so as much as he pushed, I told him that because the tickets were good for a year, we would have plenty of time. So ...

 I'm home from my month with Rabbit, and while not the month we wanted, it was certainly eventful, and an overall good experience.  We both came out of it happy to not feel done with each other, and still wanting to curl up and spend time together after so long.  At the same time, it was a tough month overall. Rabbit has had some issues with his back and leg since we went to Israel.  They started to get better after a few weeks of us being home, and then it started getting worse again.  A week or so into my visit, he could barely get through a work day, and often came home early.  After some plans went awry with one doctor, we finally got to a chiropractor to start having him get better.  The one we wound up seeing actually wound up being fantastic, and told us that it was something that would completely heal, but wound take time. That meant he would be out of work, which started with a single week off, and has now turned into short term disability whi...

 After the weekend of madness that was Rabbit's birthday and my parents travelling, I had what I was hoping to be a little over a month until my next big thing.  With Squishy having the idea that living with the gnome will magically make everything better, I decided to send her there for a month.  It would be longer than a visit, and would actually give her an idea of what it would be like living there.  Rabbit immediately saw that as a chance for me to spend a long time with him, and while initially I was planning on doing a few days at home first, it would be a long process to get to that. At the beginning of the month there was a scramble to get things done at Rabbit's place.  He has been on his last thread with the friend who moved in at the beginning of the pandemic, for many reasons, and recently made the decision to let two other friends move in.  That did however mean moving himself from having a bedroom and a music room to just having one room down...

 While I'm finally getting back to being productive with a lot of things, and finding my way in juggling everything I do, I'm also taking on even more new things this month.  I'm writing for more platforms, sharing some writing amongst different platforms, and at the same time, trying to figure out the logistics of all these things.  That means design projects, timeline organization, as well as figuring exactly how much time I have, and will need to do all of these things. To top that off, I'm trying to do more to take care of myself at the same time again.  With so much travel back and forth, I tend to quickly let go of physical care for me, and that isn't the best in the long run.  I'm trying to make sure I integrate that into my day as well, and I need to figure out how that can stay a habit even when I travel, because summer means more long stays with Rabbit. So many new things also means that I need to remember the things that are a little less urgent or fi...

 It took a few weeks after traveling, honestly.  With trying to get everything as caught up and ahead as it needed to be, and juggling preparation for a major trip, I was constantly working at my maximum for the weeks leading up to Israel.  Then while I had intended to get some things done, I only worked for maybe two hours total in those two weeks, along with the frantically changing plans due to things happening as soon as we were back in the states. The first week back was a hobble of a return to routine.  I was doing the things I needed to do, sure.  I got Squishy off to school every day, but jet lag had me getting tired early.  Anything that had a deadline was being met, but anything extra in those beginning days, I just didn't have the energy for.  Luckily, I had prepared for that, and was ahead on as much as possible for the entirety of May.  Knowing I'd only have about a week home before another night at Rabbit's and having to do some prep...

While in Israel, I was talking to my mother, and she mentioned an old friend was cleaning her pond, and wound up shattering her ankle.  She would need some heavy surgery, and my parents intended to go out there for a couple of days to help give a hand as she recovered.  I told her we would look at dates once I got home, but I planned to be gone for most of the weekend after I returned, because it was Rabbit's birthday.  She asked for then twentieth time when his birthday was, and I reminded her, with the same landmark of being the day after my grandmother. A few days later and I'm back in the states.  We have a day or so to recover from jet lag, but rather than just some relaxing sleep and getting through a mountain of laundry, Rabbit was in the middle of moving rooms around, due to some roommate issues, and other friends moving in.  We got a call during our trip that had Rabbit dreading conversations that needed to happen, and were keeping him from sleeping....

 A while ago, probably near the end of March, my old man asked me what was up with Rabbit and I and our relationship.  Having just passed being together for six months, I sort of shrugged and said that it's still a relatively new relationship.  He just asked if it was looking like we might live together at some point.  I told him that I still liked him, but not much past that. I wasn't going to tell him that we had just talked about some day living together.  Likewise, I wasn't going to even remotely mention that I had already been looking at rings to pop the question to Rabbit. So he started on about how we've been dating for a while, and how he liked him, and then kept saying all the things that reminded Rabbit of himself. And I won't lie, there was a moment as he said it that my brain tried telling me that because he liked my boyfriend, I couldn't.  That anyone like him was going to be horrible for me, and anyone he likes is clearly not the right option....

Rabbit and I are at an amount of time where it's just on that verge of being considered a long term relationship, and yet due to having very long previous relationships, still feels short.  It's only just about seven months altogether, but is still at a point where we now feel settled in in many ways. And one of the things that I recently had seen, as well as having talked about, was that most couples stop dating once they become exclusive, and find some routine in simply existing around each other.  That most couples spend their time watching tv together, not talking, or discussing, or doing anything to grow themselves or their relationship.  It causes stagnation, or even the seeds of resentment if the timeline goes long enough. We still try to find pockets of time, whenever we can, to go on little adventures together.  Even if it's just taking a short drive to somewhere to walk around, we get time when we can focus on each other, our relationship, and strengthening...

 While Rabbit and I were sharing a myriad of things, the conversation bounced around and we got to talking about the idea of intimacy.  We spoke about how for most people, intimacy and romance is exclusively surrounding the physical, and sexual aspects of a relationship.  Then we agreed that on the scale of things, for us that's fairly low, and we enjoy that. And I'm fairly certain I've written about this before, but I am feeling more appreciative of it now, after having the talk which makes it more relevant.   We talked about how it's the hard conversations that feel intimate for us.  The times that we can share, and open our hearts and feelings to each other.  The times when we curl up and share our favorite movies, or show each other the things that shaped us into who we are.  Things like sharing food, or a quiet cup of coffee.  Lending books, or just curling up on the couch and sharing memories.  Talking about our anxieties, and fear...

 Since being sick, I've been trying to get back on track with everything, and caught up with many others.  It's tough, and means that I've had to be extra on top of everything I'm doing every day in order to be sure I'm making progress on getting back to where I should be.  Top that off with how spring is always a bit of madness with so much going on, and it means things are a bit more stacked against me in not just getting caught back up, but ahead as much as I want to be. I've been trying to use every pocket of time that I get to record, as I'm at a point where it feels like every piece of the story I'm reading is super long, and each entry is a full recording, rather than being able to get through swathes at a time.  Those long recordings also take time to edit, before turning into a video, although I am getting faster.  Luckily, I've been on top of getting ahead with drawing, so I technically have everything I need to do finished for that, and am...