A New Devious Chapter

It's been about a month since taking out my nipple jewelry, and since also having a trip to see Lux, I figured it's a good time to mark the progress on them. I still miss them.  It's weird not seeing them, or having them.  At times, I find that I feel sad not having them still.  Even now, in the evening, I notice myself caught in the muscle memory of going to clean them. However, I haven't had the slightest bit of pain since the day I removed them.  Only while up with Lux, which was also when I happened to be in the middle of my cycle, and meant a hormonal flux, did I see a tiny bit of lymph.  Lux even took advantage of many chances to go after my chest in ways he has never really been able to, remembering to ask how they were doing afterward, and I had no problems. They still don't go flat though, which is upsetting, but it looks like if I were to put a taper through, I wouldn't have any problem.  I suppose they still have more healing to go through ...

I very nearly had to walk in and give my father a reality check the other day. I was sitting in the living room reading, and heard him getting louder, of course needing to show my mom everything he scrolled through on social media, and talk about how everyone is stupid and wrong.  This time he was showing her a picture of a girl with tattoos. He says "You have all these beautiful girls, and they force you to try and see past these tattoos.  They're just a fad right now, and people don't understand that when they get older, it won't be a fad anymore, and then they'll just be ugly." My mother responds with "They don't know it isn't attractive.  I see all these people come in with things that get pierced, and then they get infected and they wind up with issues from it." And oh, did I want to walk in there.  To storm in like a fucking hurricane.  To explain that these girls are beautiful.  Full fucking stop.  They are beautiful because th...

When I was sixteen, I remember sitting at the computer, and deciding that at some point, I wanted a body piercing.  Because it was me, I then went about researching different piercings to see exactly what I wanted done.  Most of the piercings out there looked at the time rather unappealing to me, but I really enjoyed the way pierced nipples looked.  I loved them, and decided that I would at some point have it done. Well, then I was dating the gnome, who, along with any other form of self expression I wanted, tried to fight against me ever having the piercing done. Then, on April 21st of 2011, I decided to go and have them done.  It was a gift to myself for finally getting rid of the gnome, and gaining new independence and sense of self. I unfortunately had also already started playing with Thrax. Well, he decided that these piercings were something that he didn't need to care about.  He pressured me to stretch them faster than they should be, and if I we...

I've always had problems with my body.  I have a very odd build, and it caused me to hear nothing but ridicule, and negative things up until I'd had my daughter. Yes, that's right, I never had a single positive word said about me until I was in my twenties.  Instead I was just brought down, and anyone I dated never said a word either way. In my early teens, I dressed to hide my body.  Loose clothing, and usually men's clothes at that hid my figure.  I could cover myself up, and it was like a security blanket I wore with me at all times.  This however, brought on more comments, and didn't help much in the long run. Then my hair disappeared, and holes appeared in my ears.  I started wearing suits every day.  While I was still completely covered, I no longer looked like a boy, and this quieted down the negative words.  My boyfriend at the time flipped out with me because I had pierced my ears.  No good words about me, just that he hated my...

It is no surprise shortly after meeting me to know that I love body modification.  I'm probably addicted to it in all honesty, and I have an incredibly long list of things I want to have done.  It's a mix of self expression, beauty, and each one is a new experience. I'm not quite sure why I love any of it so much though.  I mean, there's so many things to consider, but I just don't know what makes me crave it so badly, itch for it, and want to get them so constantly. Sure, there's the art.  Turning one's body into canvas is fantastic, and I love seeing someone express exactly who they are, and show that on the outside, becoming who they truly feel themselves to be.  It's absolutely beautiful, and I love knowing that I am a walking work of art with how different I am from the rest of society. And then there is the pain.  How every piercing, and tattoo feel so different, and how amazing it feels to get them done.  I'm an endorphin addict, and the...

My love of pain and body modification goes pretty far back.  I remember being rather young, and being told that tattoos hurt, and the process, and not caring, and thinking about the ones I would get in the future, and already considering my body canvas. I remember doing martial arts, and taking extra pain, sitting in submission holds until the time ran out, because I knew I would win anyway. And yet, there are things I cannot do, or see. When I get pierced, I cannot watch the needle enter my skin.  I'm not nervous, I just for some reason don't want to see something going through my skin.  Once it is through, I can look down at the needle without issue, and don't jump at the point of piercing. At a more extreme point, is hook suspension.  Massive sharp pieces of metal, penetrating flesh, then being hooked to chains, and pulling one's body from the earth. I used to not be able to even look at it.  From flesh hooks to flight, I couldn't see, or panic inte...