A New Devious Chapter

 Early this spring, when Rabbit and I started talking, he mentioned wanting to find a rope bottom to practice on again.  I told him that I bottom for rope once in a while, and liked helping people navigate ties and learn.  That was also when I offered to top other play for him, and well, we see how that's turned so far. But when we started talking about rope again, he realized that he'd forgotten everything, and also shared that he enjoyed being tied up.  So in order to help him learn, I showed him the basics of what I knew.  I never learned a lot of rope, because it wasn't much of an interest, but I did learn a little, just to have a better idea of safety.  I claim that I only know enough to get myself into or out of trouble. And while I've been teaching him, I've been tying him up as well.  At the same time, he's feeling more and more drawn to rope, and wants to learn enough to consider himself a rigger.  Meanwhile, I'm just trying to learn enou...

 When Rabbit and I first started talking again, he would remind me that in his previous dynamics where he was submissive, he was heavily trained and very well behaved.  He told me about how he was super obedient, didn't talk back, and was far more of a pet for use than anything. So when we started playing, I continually encouraged him to be him.  I would be bratty with him, and playful, while still having control.  Soon enough, he would start speaking up, playing back, pushing for more, and also being a brat.  It was like all that training went out the window, but at the same time, he seemed happy to do it all, and like he was actually having fun.   We joke about things like brat taming, and how I will spoil him with play, and making sure I have his favorite things on hand.  That I will curl him up and play with his hair, and do all the things that he wants, rather than try to instill discipline.  While he certainly still brats, and is sassy,...

 Between my visits to Rabbit, there was a week when he couldn't come spend a night with me.  He was taking care of some important things at home, and so didn't have time to be here.  At the same time, he had commented that he didn't clean up super well after one of the times we had sex, and some fluids dried and caused a small scab.  He mentioned that it was a bit of a raw spot, and not the most comfortable. I told him that he should abstain from doing anything that might mess with the skin for a couple of days, which included masturbation.  He whined, and tried to dismiss the idea, not wanting to be told no. Then, somehow thinking it might trick me in some fashion, he went to make a deal with me.  He said that he would abstain for three days, which meant an extra long weekend before getting to see me, which would let it heal.  In return, when I saw him, I had to edge him for as long as possible.  When I wasn't sure, purely because I was concerned...

 A while ago, when Rabbit and I first started playing he made a comment about not really being much of a masochist, but just in primarily for sensation play.  He spoke about his bad experiences with impact previously, and I noticed him just sticking to wanting to play with a couple of different things. And I realized, that while he had done a lot of things in regards to sex, and whatever his fucket list on that front, there was very little he'd done to explore to kink.  He didn't have people who were heavily educated, had never been to a public kink event, and had done little to no rough body play. So one night, as we were winding down after sex, I gave him a solid hit on the upper ribs.  He looked at me a second, as he actually processed the feeling of it, then sort of happily curled up on himself, and asked me to do it again.  We realized we needed a snack, so we ran out, and he was gleefully announcing to a friend that he discovered he liked being punched. Ev...

 The last month was a lot.  A handful of adventures and little things that happened in different ways, and events both good and bad.  So all this month is going to be some stories and talking about a span of about two or three weeks in July. We're starting with a trip that I had finally managed to plan back in late spring.  After both of us having everything occurring, Dansa and I found a space where we could carve out time for a visit.  That meant trucking myself up to Brooklyn, where I could spend a weekend with someone I hadn't seen in a little over a year.  And after everything that happened lately, it was good to get us both caught up on everything. The trip up wasn't too bad.  I packed extremely light because I didn't want to lug everything ever through the city, and didn't have a ton of extra gifts to bring this time around, and we didn't have much in the way of things we wanted to do.  In fact, all we wanted to do was have dumplings ( a ru...

 As a quick update, about one week post everything happening that I talked about in my last post, my neck is just about fine.  Every once in a while I feel a tiny bit of discomfort, but for the most part, I don't even notice it anymore. But anyway, it's been almost a full week with Rabbit, and while we had these plans to get lots of things accomplished, we may have accidentally let many of them fall to the wayside for sex.  Some things have gotten done.  He got his bike up and running, and we got me a helmet so that I can ride with him.  I've helped with getting the house a little more put together, keeping up with laundry, and taking care of the pups. We've also had sex in almost every room in the house, some multiple times.  This includes having sex on the motorcycle while it was in the garage being finished up.  I may have joked that if I couldn't ride the bike until it gets a new seat, I would just ride them both at once. At the same time, we've fi...

 One of the things I was concerned with while Rabbit and I were negotiating any sort of play, was where our overlap in interests was.  In particular was that while he says he's a masochist, he's not a fan of heavy impact, and mostly does sensation play. And well, that got me a little worried at first.  I like using force.  I like throwing a heavy beating.  I like getting tired, and leaving someone a bruised up mess.  I was concerned that with some of my favorite things off the table, we wouldn't have enough kinks in common. But then I remembered, I'm not just an impact sadist.  I don't need to bring about excruciating pain to enjoy play.  We talk about suffering a lot in kink, and while I always think of myself as being happy when I bottom for impact, I need to remember that I don't necessarily look for that in others. I also kept in mind that I can be very patient with the creative process, and also have the ability to think out of the box, and m...

I had a long weekend with Rabbit, and so much happened over a few days, that I'm boiling over with things to explore.  This month is probably going to be almost all posts related to it, which means I should have no problem staying caught up over the summer, since I have a lot of adventures planned even without going to camp. But right now, we're going to talk about an important weekend.  Rabbit had his birthday, turned thirty, and his ex finally moved out of the house.  It was an amorphous blend of stress, sleepless nights, surprises, kink, exploration, rediscovery, and unbridled joy.  At the end I went home exhausted, but wishing it could happen again soon. The first night he had work early, but his ex was also supposed to be gone before he left.  We both wound up staying up all night trying to listen for her leaving, and making sure we didn't hear them going into somewhere they shouldn't.  Rabbit and I would do little touch checks while in bed to see if t...

 So, when Rabbit and I started talking again, he mentioned needing a new rope bottom for getting back into the scene.  I had already been wanting to do more rope after not being tied over the pandemic, so I volunteered.  At the same time, since I know he's a switch, I offered to top within my skillset, which he jumped on. We've since talked about interests, and where things overlap between the two of us, and while I am in general, far more of a sadist than he would normally go for, he's very quickly put himself into a submissive space in regards to me.  It's let me stretch out that switchy part of me that I haven't gotten to in a long time, and with him being in the same boat, had me thinking. He's been rather contentedly conflicted by it, due to having to juggle being around people he holds different roles with.  While I've been in a similar spot, I never had trouble, and he attributed it to my not having a sexual relationship with at least one side, almost...

 Over the summer, a friend wound up getting a ton of spools of rope "seconds".  Perfectly sturdy jute, and all full spools, from a good quality rope maker.  They had some small aesthetic issues that kept them from being able to be sold as normal. And so, this friend started passing the spools around.  One to Kitty, one for Pyre, and apparently, one for me. During the first span of lockdown, I had thought about learning to self tie.  I was drawn to the idea of learning the skill as a challenge for myself, and as something fun to do.  I however, had no rope. Here I was now though, with a whole spool, needing to be cut, finished, and treated.  Requiring all the work that riggers would need for a full kit, rather than newer rope tops, who would normally opt for something lower maintenance, or at least getting something fully treated. It's interesting thought,  cutting it down myself, and learning to finish the ends.  I'm going through and whippin...

Friday of the invasion, many people went to take a nap, right around when Kitty was finishing with work.  While I had wanted to find some time alone with him, he wanted to relax in the pool, which was also ok.  So it was the two of us, another couple who got invited (and stayed fairly distant the entire time), and Fox in the garden, pulling out weeds.  Fox was continually trying to pull Kitty from the pool to do things for them, and it made me angry each time.  He had just needed to work a full day, when they had off, and was trying to decompress, knowing he had another meeting Saturday morning, while juggling being a host.  They wouldn't let him have more than a couple of minutes of floating along, and I could see the frustration on his face. The couple also attending was a guy who is very toppy, and a girl who only bottoms, and was goading on Fox.  At a certain point she brought up that she's a brat, but likes to help, and is often very helpful in wha...

As you can imagine, there was a lot after camp, some of which was simply things floating around in my brain. In the first couple of days back home, there was a lot being tossed around in my head.  After topping again, it kickstarted that part of my brain again, and hard.  Thinking about much more fun I had during that, than the impact scene I had with a friend.  About the new people I met and wanting to indulge in my sadist with them too.  Wanting to hit the point with someone where I have domly power exchange. It was a very odd part of my brain, where for a moment, I questioned being a switch.  Wondered if I was just a top with a high pain tolerance.  It was a weird point to process and think on, and something I hadn't thought about for a long time. And then I remembered those moments where I sat at Lux's feet, and felt his hands through my hair.  Those moments of happily acknowledging my place with him, and the power exchange we've built. ...

After my mental whirlwind of a night when the fire show happened at Fusion, I decided that scotch and cigars were a necessary thing.  Back to Compound I went, where one of many Aussies was present and offering me tasty scotch.  I talked to him for a few minutes, before Dansa came over to sit with us.  I mentioned my classes, and a man near us asked about what I was teaching. I told him I was teaching a care of tops lecture, and we began in on discussing different aspects of things.  Basic concepts of negotiation, ideas on topping from the bottom, and a handful of other topics.  In general he responded fairly respectfully, but definitely had me more tagged as a bottom with how he talked to me, I tried speaking to me like I was a child, which I didn't appreciate. And then while talking about these things, he decided to try turn it into a dick measuring contest of toppy skill.  He told some story about how he played with a woman for the first time, and whi...

Last camp, I had mentioned how being there made me feel inspired to switch more.  To do more topping, because it is usually what I'm more drawn to. Coming up to camp, I had made plans to top a few people, and only bottom to one friend as well as my partners, because they obviously would get priority.  It had me excited to be embracing my sadist again, though worried about being rusty. And in standard camp fashion, most of those plans didn't happen.  Some did, but several fell to the wayside of either lack of time, or things happening which would not make that play as safe as it should be. With a random free evening due to some rain, I had the chance to play with Lux.  With adjustments we'd talked about previously, and a more serious tone, I got near that floaty spacey state.  We both agreed that with loud scenes going on around us in the dungeon, it became distracting for us, and something to keep in mind for the future.  Almost an hour he hit me thou...

There's a Fusion discord server, and I joined, because sometimes I like to be awkward at people in my day to day.  I found myself talking there a little bit, but conversations never got super deep. One day, some people were talking about what they wanted to do more of this camp, and someone mentioned just wanting to do more this year as a whole.  I said I felt the same way, and was making plans to make sure that happened.  He said he didn't know enough people to make plans beforehand, and didn't know how he would even be with his camp, and making excuses about being an introvert, and all that. I didn't allow those excuses, and told him to attend some classes, because then he'd at least find people who had some level of shared interest.  Told him that I'm socially awkward, and have trouble with new people despite being an extrovert.  Conversation moved, and he started trying to test the waters, and eventually it turned into him saying that he's into CBT....

In the process of negotiating things for Fusion, there's been a lot of me checking in with whoever I'm playing with to see what they are good with.  And in return, I notice there is a lot of focus on asking tops how they want to feel in a scene. And, perhaps it's my weird brain, but that's the least of my worries in play. I don't care about being made to feel a certain way.  I don't want people to behave in a way that elicits an emotion from me.  Perhaps if there was a scene that involved power exchange, we may find something where I wanted to feel some kind of way, but that's not what I want normally. I want something organic.  I want us to just feel like people. I want to feel like we're having fun. I want to be able to punch people. And yea, that's about it.  It's not about feeling powerful, or in control, or feared, or anything like that.  I want to know we're having fun.  If the other person feels like they're being pus...

Last Fusion post for a couple weeks.  I think.  I can't actually promise that. Anyway. While making some plans to play with people at Fusion, one of the things that I noticed was that the majority of my friends tend to be top leaning.  This means, that when they either ask me to play, or I approach them, most of those people are asking me to bottom. And, I found this a little disappointing.  Every time I was asked to be a stationary bottom for a scene, it just made me wish I had more opportunity to top.  It reminded me how much I enjoy being a sadist, and that I wanted more chances to play with that. Mind you, I do get a ton of enjoyment from the play I have with Lux, or even with Kitty on the chance that it happens.  I have no problem being a bottom during that play, because that's the dynamic we've built, and what I enjoy from it. But with other people, in situations I haven't built yet, I want more opportunities to be actively topping in scene...

I've been plotting out the next couple months, and while that includes a trip up to see Lux, a wedding we are going to, and a handful of other small things, it also means starting to think about Fusion. It's the same week Squishy finishes school again, but luckily there wasn't any snow days, so we should actually be able to attend the entire event for the most part.  That means more time at camp, and given that Lux and I want to do more with the event this year, that's important. I'm planning on teaching a lot more, and pulling out some interesting performances that I'll be able to tell the story on in the coming week or so.  I also want to play with more people, and really take advantage of the event. My classes are all prepped, luckily.  I just need Pyre to go through and pick what exactly I'm bringing.  This will involve a lot of new things, which I'm excited to teach, as it involves lectures, which is something I haven't done in a long time...

This year, I definitely want to top more.  I want to play with things I don't do often, or try new things.  I want more play in my life altogether, both with my partners and otherwise. Unfortunately, while I do find myself to be more of a top and a sadist normally, I've bottomed so much in the last few years, I feel like with a lot of people, that's what they associate me as.  It's difficult at times to talk to others and be like "Hey, no, I don't want you to do anything to me, but I would like to beat the shit out of you, it'll be great."  I also notice that I wind up topping way more women than men overall.  While this might partially be due to people having the wrong assumptions about me, I also think that it's due to some other things as well.  I find that most men submit or bottom in a very sexual way.  It becomes very focused on genital torture, or sexual masochism.  Lots of sexual humiliation, or gender play in ways to put emphasis on...

Lux and I were talking the other day about how a partner of his gets very starry-eyed submissive over him.  I mentioned how that has high potential for danger, just in general, and he talked about while he's aware of it, he's also a sucker for those behaviors. Jokingly, I said that I don't know how he deals with my very different form of submission.  He asked what I meant, and I mentioned about how I don't fall into that demure starry-eyed stereotype.  He reminded me that when the chips are down, I am obedient, and I don't use submission as a manipulation tactic.  He also said that my submission is me being me, no matter what sort it is. And it's true.  While I do have those moments of feeling like happy tiny property while curled up in Lux's lap, normally my submission is based on being strong, and aware.  I do what I can to make Lux happy, and if I am encouraging change, it's in ways that he says he wants to work on something.  I help keep trac...