I read a lot of things about poly, and hear a lot of arguments for it that give the reasoning of one person not being able to be everything a person needs. That they need another person to fill in the gaps, and this should just be considered normal.
Except, I feel like that cultivates a negative space. It means telling someone they aren't enough every day. It encourages a competitive environment in hopes that you'll become the more tended to partner by being more appealing than the other. It creates a space where we look at things as needs, which may just be surface desires. And it makes us look at people more as a checklist than as people.
I have the same needs for every partner I have, regardless of their space in my life. Those needs are things like presence, acceptance of who I am, respect, and conversation. They are all pretty basic, and that's because I need that to be fulfilled more than most other things.
There's never a gap to fill, and I think that's a far more secure dynamic for everyone. One partner doesn't exist in order to make up for the other. They both exist because they both make me happy in their own way, regardless of the other.
And there are plenty of things they're both into that I don't enjoy, just like there are things I like that neither of them do. I don't feel a need to hunt these things down though, because I get to enjoy so much with them.
Needs are so often a bullshit argument. A scraping tantrum of wanting more. Perhaps it's me finding so much value in simple things after dealing with so much though, that I'm just happy with less.
Except, I feel like that cultivates a negative space. It means telling someone they aren't enough every day. It encourages a competitive environment in hopes that you'll become the more tended to partner by being more appealing than the other. It creates a space where we look at things as needs, which may just be surface desires. And it makes us look at people more as a checklist than as people.
I have the same needs for every partner I have, regardless of their space in my life. Those needs are things like presence, acceptance of who I am, respect, and conversation. They are all pretty basic, and that's because I need that to be fulfilled more than most other things.
There's never a gap to fill, and I think that's a far more secure dynamic for everyone. One partner doesn't exist in order to make up for the other. They both exist because they both make me happy in their own way, regardless of the other.
And there are plenty of things they're both into that I don't enjoy, just like there are things I like that neither of them do. I don't feel a need to hunt these things down though, because I get to enjoy so much with them.
Needs are so often a bullshit argument. A scraping tantrum of wanting more. Perhaps it's me finding so much value in simple things after dealing with so much though, that I'm just happy with less.
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