A New Devious Chapter

A while ago, my mom and I were out to lunch after running a bunch of errands.  We're sitting in a local diner, waiting on our food, and she mentions how my old man refuses to do anything for himself, and has never actually had to do for himself.  We talk about it for a bit, and then she makes the comment of "You had better hope I outlive him, so that you don't have to take care of him." And I didn't even pause before responding.  I told her that she had better hope one of her other kids steps up, because I'm not doing it.  That with how he treats me every day if he says I'm too stupid to have a conversation with, that I'm too stupid to take care of him. I said it very plainly, and sternly, and she just looked at me as if something clicked and she was afraid.  She didn't argue, or respond in any way, and just sat quietly for a moment.  As if in that moment, she realized that her husband is actually abusive, and that I sit and tolerate more than ...

I like to consider myself pretty low maintenance in the scheme of things.  I don't do any real stuff for my skin, and use cheap soaps and shampoos.  My makeup comes from the drugstore, and I'm not into all sorts of vitamins and meds all the time. And this is where the warning comes up.  This is gonna contain a ton of talk about my cycle and bits.  If you wanna be a weenie, go away. I've been getting my period like clockwork since I was ten.  The only times I've ever not gotten it right on time is either when I was pregnant, or twice because my stress levels were through the roof.  In fact, I got the IUD I currently have (and plan to stick with, but more on that in a minute) because it would not remove my period. However, even though it was regular, and my flow has never been super incredibly heavy, I have also always had absolutely intense pain during my period.  When I was a teenager, and trying to tell my mother about it, she would say she was ...

It seems like the end of the year is always really hard for Squishy.  She's now done with school for the year, and the last month or so has been a lot of talking with her about things. There are some girls in her class that would flip flop with day by day.  One day she'd be telling me they were attacking her, lying to everyone about her, and yelling at her on a near daily basis.  Then she comes home and says they were nice and asks me if they can come over. And, I know I can't control who she's friends with.  I can however try to talk to her about what is and isn't healthy behavior in people you keep as friends. She later would tell me about how she would get told off and attacked whenever she didn't want to play the same things as them, and would even do what they wanted for a little bit of time, wanting to compromise, and they would go off on her.  Then, whenever she would ask if someone else in the class wanted to play, these girls would walk up and say...

So, I said I would talk more about Zero, and things going on with him that have me rather cranky. I had to be all pride though, cause it's the thing to do. Last time I talked to him, I was trying to make plans for us to hang out, because it's been a while, and he keeps saying he's missed me.  I made a few suggestions of dates that worked with his schedule, and he started saying that he wasn't sure, and might be hanging out with "the girlfriends". To which, I asked if this new girl had flat out said she wanted poly and to date.  He said "Not yet, but just taking it day by day".  Bitch, if you already started calling this person your girlfriend, when she isn't, and hasn't yet said she wants to be, you aren't taking it "day by day".  You're reaching for an ideal situation in your head, and don't want to accept that things might not be that way. We continue talking though, and he fills me in that this girl has a ton ...

Happy Agender day! As much as this is something that I've actually used to identify me for the shortest time, it's something I've been aware was different about me since I was my daughter's age or younger. That I didn't recognize any sort of difference between people in regards to their gender, but simply found myself getting along better with boys.  Apparently, the gender divide was already there and strong, because other girls had a lot of issues with that, and attacked me over it. As I got older, and started to actually have some personal agency over myself (because my family) I found myself wanting to present more masculine, and of course my family then started to shame on me, and again refuse to let me look the way I wanted.  My father still hates that I keep short hair, but he can blow goats. No real terms for me have ever fit.  In fact, most gendered terms besides pronouns kind of make my brain tweak because they just feel wrong.  Even though I can...

Is Polyamory day! I always want to type polyarmoury.  Nope, that's Lux's closet. Poly is something I've had to do a lot of talking about lately.  With Zero in his situation (more on that later on because holy hell) it's been kind of awesome to realize that this is an aspect of my life I can actually reflect on and talk about, rather than only having shitty experiences, or flailing with nerves. Also, I still swear I'm the only person who could manage to accidentally poly.  No idea how to pick up partners even if I wanted to.  Cute boys fall into my lap apparently, and then I decide I like them.  Could be worse.  I think being a nerd that cooks helps. Now, I'm the kind of person who doesn't preach any particular lifestyle as being better than any other.  So long as it's healthy, and fulfills the people involved, then it's awesome.  If it came down to it, I could probably have one partner again and be happy, so long as things were done in a r...

It's pride month and shit!  And it just so happens that the days that would apply to me actually match my posting schedule!  Which means the next few posts are going to focus on an aspect of me is meant to be celebrated, because it's weird, and that's cool. Today is Demisexual pride day, and I can clearly say this is something I've been more aware of for the longest time.  The fact that I'm attracted to so few people out there, that for a very long time I had no idea that sexual attraction was actually a thing, and that it was separate from emotional attraction. Because it's something people especially don't talk much about when they're younger (and for reasons I'll probably get to in a post soon) I thought all this was normal.  As I got a little bit older and figured out what the actual difference was, I thought I was just really picky.  Incredibly picky, and awkward. Well, the awkward part is right, but that has nothing to do with it. See, ...

Lux and I were chatting the other day, and he asked me if I'd seen Berserk.  I actually just watched it recently, so it was all fresh in my head.  Then he asked me if I felt like Griffith was justified. If you don't know, Griffith is the leader of a mercenary group who starts taking on a lot of royal contracts, and gaining status while holding onto a cursed pendant.  At one point, he is captured, and tortured every day for three years.  He then is rescued by the protagonist Guts, and his second in command, Casca.  Shortly after, he sees the budding romance of the two of them, then triggers the Eclipse with his pendant, sacrificing his entire group to a collective of greater demons, in order to become a demon himself.  To top it off, he then rapes Casca in front of Guts, who is barely alive. And, then he sort of helps some people after. Here's the thing.  He's classically pretty in the silver haired bishounen kind of way.  Which means that he...

Last weekend with Memorial Day, the beast was gone with the gnome for a while, and I had figured on spending the time cleaning through things that really needed sorting, reading, and catching up on a ton of things that I need to start forcing myself into head first. Well, Lux was just back from a trip to see his family on the island, and wasn't sure when he was headed home.  One morning, he asked what I was up to, and I'm pretty sure my answer didn't matter.  He said he was going to pick me up so I could help him with some things, and we could spend time together. It was a day out of nowhere, and he was pulled in many different directions mentally, but in several ways, almost seemed like he was better put together than he has been in a while.  And honestly, a lot of things are more resolved now than they were a while ago.  So many things that were up in the air have been decided on, and I think it's brought him peace of mind.  He's been much more affectionat...