Trophies

I remember a conversation that Thrax had with me one day while walking into the house.  Something that he felt completely justified with, and that he was right to tell me.

He said that even though I was his girlfriend, I wasn't a "trophy partner".  That he needed to pursue the other girls he was going after, in complete disregard for who any of them were, because they were girls he felt he could show off more in public. 

Yea, tell that to a girl who already has body dysmorphia.  Needless to say, it made me feel physically like garbage for a while, because I knew the only thing they technically had on me, was that they fit closer to society's standard of beauty.  This did just cement in that Thrax didn't really give a shit about me more than feeling like I needed to compete, but it still dug in what didn't need help in my brain.

I'm very well aware that my build doesn't fit what society would normally prefer.  I'm not photogenic, but rather someone who seems more attractive in person, with my body language, and actions.

However, I have way more on either of the girls he was going after that makes me far worth showing off.

I am strong, both physically, and mentally.  I've climbed out of a lot of shit and abuse without looking for pity, and saw it as something to learn from.  I am intelligent, and love learning new things, or finding complex ideas in simple topics just for the fun of it.  Because of all the shit, I try incredibly hard to be a safe and healthy partner, and thrive when I can take care of them.  When it comes to being entertaining, I try to keep to new ideas and wit rather than relying on references to be funny.  I have a pile of talents, and while I also have a pile of flaws, I have more to show off than they ever will.

And this, is yet more reason why I'm glad Thrax is completely gone from my life, and I have two boys who actually see all of that in me, and want to see all those good qualities grow and thrive.

Posted via Blogaway