Since getting back from my week with Kitty, I've been thinking about how that lack of time felt, and a more exact interpretation of what I do need to feel content and cared for with my partners. Lux and I generally take quite a bit of time showing each other attention, so it goes well beyond what I need, and makes me often feel rather spoiled (which I am not one to complain about, nor do I take it for granted).
However, when with a partner who has several other partners who he is used to giving attention to, I need to be more aware of what exactly I need, so I can get what is necessary for me.
I like being busy and taking care of a partner. Being right there next to them while being social and working on stuff is fulfilling to me, but I think it's pretty normal to need breaks. I need little moments where I get affection without prompting it. It doesn't matter if it's a hug, or a grope, or whatever, but quick little moments are necessary a couple times a day, just to say they care. If it's only a short time, I need an hour or so, awake, while just being able to focus on each other. Snuggles are good, or taking a walk, and of course play and sex are welcome, but I need that time actively put aside.
And if it's a long time together, I need an evening. Call it a date night or whatever, but some time where we relax and decompress together, preferably with at least a bunch of making out.
I don't have much of an upper limit to how much sex or play I want. I'll almost always be happy to snuggle up and get attention, or give it in return even if I don't need it. I'll try to get as much as I can, because I'm not going to stop enjoying it, and more than that bare minimum will have a positive effect on me, so why not pursue more.
Going from nothing, to a surplus, and then lacking again made me realize I need to not panic and accuse them of being like those abusive exes, but rather figure out exactly what I need besides being completely spoiled.
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