Everyone is entitled to bad days. The world isn't all sunshine, and so we don't all need to be happy and sparkly every day. In fact, that is part of what makes life and the world beautiful, is all the complex emotions and things that occur every day.
And sometimes, on those really bad days we might be a bit of an ass. Someone tries to help at just the wrong moment, and winds up being snapped at, taking the brunt of the stress from the day. It's something that happens, and being able to see that this is what happened is important as well, so both parties can recognize it, talk as necessary, and move on.
However, mental illness doesn't give an excuse for that to happen more often. It doesn't create much excuse for it at all. Unfortunately, a lot of people use mental illness as an excuse for poor behavior. That it allows people to turn toxic, and then sweeps that under the rug because they have something to throw it at.
But toxic behavior is never acceptable, no matter what is going on in someone's life.
Having two partners who go through anxiety, and have gone through, or are going through depressive spells, I can clearly say they've never treated me in any form of abusive or toxic manner. Sure, on bad days they'd be cranky, and I'd need to try and be a little more careful talking to them, but not out of fear of being attacked, but rather out of wanting to try and make them more comfortable.
And that's the difference.
If I have to say "It's ok that they attacked me, they have (whatever), and I need to avoid something to not be attacked again." it's a lot different from "They're having a bad day. Let's keep things simple, and I will be helpful and supportive where I can so that tomorrow is better."
And the more you let someone act that way, the more they'll do it, because they can. Because they have some amount of control, and that they either want to make someone feel worse to feel like they do, or because they don't want think to the point of figuring out how their actions will affect people, and will never be made to change and consider the people around them.
Toxic behavior is always toxic. Whether it's meant or not, and regardless of what else is going on through the person's brain. And it's part of our job to take care of ourselves and recognize that.
And sometimes, on those really bad days we might be a bit of an ass. Someone tries to help at just the wrong moment, and winds up being snapped at, taking the brunt of the stress from the day. It's something that happens, and being able to see that this is what happened is important as well, so both parties can recognize it, talk as necessary, and move on.
However, mental illness doesn't give an excuse for that to happen more often. It doesn't create much excuse for it at all. Unfortunately, a lot of people use mental illness as an excuse for poor behavior. That it allows people to turn toxic, and then sweeps that under the rug because they have something to throw it at.
But toxic behavior is never acceptable, no matter what is going on in someone's life.
Having two partners who go through anxiety, and have gone through, or are going through depressive spells, I can clearly say they've never treated me in any form of abusive or toxic manner. Sure, on bad days they'd be cranky, and I'd need to try and be a little more careful talking to them, but not out of fear of being attacked, but rather out of wanting to try and make them more comfortable.
And that's the difference.
If I have to say "It's ok that they attacked me, they have (whatever), and I need to avoid something to not be attacked again." it's a lot different from "They're having a bad day. Let's keep things simple, and I will be helpful and supportive where I can so that tomorrow is better."
And the more you let someone act that way, the more they'll do it, because they can. Because they have some amount of control, and that they either want to make someone feel worse to feel like they do, or because they don't want think to the point of figuring out how their actions will affect people, and will never be made to change and consider the people around them.
Toxic behavior is always toxic. Whether it's meant or not, and regardless of what else is going on through the person's brain. And it's part of our job to take care of ourselves and recognize that.
Comments
Post a Comment