A New Devious Chapter

It's been a few months, and after having time with my partners separately and together, I've learned a lot, and figured out many things in regards to how poly balances practically for me. Distance sucks, and even moreso with two partners.  They're both near the same distance from me, but one north, and the other south.  Which means that spending time with either of them is difficult, and they're both just out of convenient weekend visit range.  It's a lot easier to manage with boys as good as Lux and Kitty though.  Day to day I miss them both, and find myself wanting time with each of them, for reasons specific to who each one is, because I do get very different things from both of them.  However, I make sure to keep contact with them both, stay on top of what is going on, and support them as much as I possibly can. Lux texts regularly, but I need to square away phone dates with Kitty, which sometimes is easier said than done.  It's become much easier to...

Last weekend was one of those times when the world just gives you something amazing to let all the shit seem a little easier to deal with.  It started with more delay than any of us wanted, but holy fuck, it was fantastic.  Kitty and Lux got along well, and Fox is better than most of the past partners Kitty has had.  Whenever they were left alone for time to shower or whatever, there would frequently be giggling heard when I was done, or very comfortable and trusting conversation.  Also, within about a half hour of us being all together, Kitty and I both started laughing about the fact that we both have a type, and it becomes incredibly apparent when we have multiple partners in the same place.  Friday night, we had intended to stay in and play games.  Instead, we stayed in, got pizza and beer, and wound up just talking and being silly.  Lux went to bed around one in the morning, and then Kitty and I snuggled a bit, and we continued talking about a m...

I remember sitting in Kitty's old car.  We were at a gas station, heading out to go to one of his favorite places for dinner, as I told him about the insanity of my parents.  He looked me dead in the eye, and with that slight crack in his voice that happens when he gets into his protective mental panic, said "Y'know, I really am surprised you haven't started drinking or doing any drugs." I was 17 at the time, and just a few months after, my parents would force me to see a therapist because I demanded to be treated like a person, and with respect, and they saw that as "unruly and uncontrollable behavior".  The therapist said I was oddly clear headed and well adjusted for how badly they treated me, and once I turned 18, they didn't see me needing to go to them.  My mother said the therapist was a "waste of space, and did nothing", because I didn't turn into the moronic slave they treat me as though they want me to be. Needless to say, I...

This weekend, I'll be spending time on adventures with Lux, Kitty, and meeting Fox, his primary, for the first time.  It'll also be the boy's first exposure to each other in person, and my first time being around both of them at once. Needless to say, I'm incredibly excited. However, this weekend has taken quite a bit of work to put together. Initially, we were all supposed to head up to Flea.  Lux has a bad taste for the event after the last two years though, and so we decided to take a break from it, and see if he misses it next year.  We however still wanted adventure together, especially given losing out on the time with Kitty, and the amount of time since I've seen Lux. Just deciding on the weekend was a project.  We had no real idea what to definitely do, so the weekend was in the air.  It wound up coming down to Fox's schedule, and then I had to get the gnome to watch the beast a different weekend, as I'd already planned for Flea.  That was diffi...

Generally, I'm not a fan of Valentine's day.  I find it to be a hokey, false feeling idea that just puts unnecessary pressure, or a superficial mask on relationships.  The expectation or gifts and recognition and gestures and everything creates this competition, and often is the one day a shitty relationship seems to be decent. I'm also not a fan of grand romantic gestures, as I think they usually feel empty though.  It's the little things people do that make me feel the most loved and cared for.  Just thinking of me is enough to make me happy most of the time. There's also the obligation to show affection on the same day that everyone else does.  Showing partners you care should be a regular thing, as well as with any loved one.  In fact, those displays of care mean more on a random day when nothing prompts it more than simply thinking of them. However, as someone who enjoys showing little affectionate gestures constantly, this time of year does lend t...

I'm a fairly possessive partner.  I'm probably considered overprotective, and very territorial.  And, when it comes to power exchange, or open dynamics, it's always been something difficult for me.  When something happens to someone I care about, I'm prone to a bloodrage, wanting to go after whatever hurt them, and be there to take care of them however possible. All the time though, I just want to snuggle up my partners, nom on their head and contentedly say that they're mine.  That's kind of difficult right now though, with Kitty having a primary he lives with, and Lux technically being the one in charge, that level of possessiveness doesn't really fit. And sometimes, that makes me a little lonely.  Not in a really bad way, but because I can't really express that affection the way I want to.  But, you know what?  They're stuck with me whether or not anyone else is there.  I'm loyal to the point of idiocy, and so are they.  In a way, even ...

The other day while on the phone with Kitty, we were discussing how I've never outwardly propositioned, or initiated anything with him.  I told him about how I'm constantly groping on Lux, and trying to get him out of his clothes as often as I can.  And, it's had me thinking since then about how differently I act around them both, and why.  Not that I'm any less myself with either of them, but how they act around me certainly brings out different traits in me. With Lux, he is incredibly forward with me, and while we do just snuggle a lot, the vast majority of the time, he's grabbing my ass, or pulling me against him, or having me suck his cock.  Because being this forward is the comfortable normal, I'm always doing similar to him.  Even with little cute affection, we are far and away more blatantly sexual with each other. Kitty on the other hand is very used to handling me when I was an awkward teenager.  We are constantly holding hands, and taking time ...

I saw a post on Tumblr the other day saying that no one finds people with physical "flaws" attractive.  That everyone only sees those with modelesque figures to be desireable, and anything other than perfection should be surgically taken care of, or altered. And, yes, there was a counterpost showing what most models look like when they aren't being photoshopped, but still, it was only these high fashion models being featured, and in pictures meant to make them look unattractive.  It didn't show at all how people who don't have the figure of an Adonis can be viewed as desirable.  Which, I have to say, both Lux and Kitty are two of the most beautiful men I've ever had in my life, and when I met each of them, they were both overweight, and far from what society deems as sexy in men.  However, Lux may still be overweight, but he has gorgeous curvy, long legs, and broad hips and shoulders that make him look like a walking brick wall.  He has big solid arms, and ...