I finally got to the post office last week to send off the box of things for Kitty and everyone in the house down in Florida. After I very impatiently waited for the two days it took to get there, I got to enjoy all the happy messages from all of them, snuggling their new things, and flailing with them, and having them oogle everything. I was so happy that everyone found joy in the little things I made, and that it brought peace and happiness to house that has had a lot of anxiety all around lately.
Afterward, I was talking with Kitty in the moments before he wound up falling asleep on the couch. I reminded him to enjoy the happiness of the house today, and use it as time to relax and reset. Apparently, his anxiety was so high, he hadn't even thought of that, and thanked me for the reminder. I joked that it was part of my job, and something I had signed on for a long time ago. That he had dealt with so much of my shit long ago that he didn't have to worry about things not being quite equal now. That I would do these things regardless of him "paying me back" for being present, but still reminding him that I wouldn't be nearly as present if he wasn't being a good partner.
He still didn't feel great about all of it. I told him that I'm not going to sit around saying that things will be good when a condition is met, because there will always be something new to wait for, and wanting some perfect situation. That now it's my turn to be present, and help and find happiness in the little things.
He asked what he did to deserve me being so awesome. And moments like that are all it takes. People recognizing that I'm worth something, and saying it, when they actually take the time to know me. I don't need a lot outside of basic presence and respect. So long as I have that, I'll do everything I can to help and take care of the people in my life, and happily do so.
That's the job I take on, and I'm very happy to do it.
Afterward, I was talking with Kitty in the moments before he wound up falling asleep on the couch. I reminded him to enjoy the happiness of the house today, and use it as time to relax and reset. Apparently, his anxiety was so high, he hadn't even thought of that, and thanked me for the reminder. I joked that it was part of my job, and something I had signed on for a long time ago. That he had dealt with so much of my shit long ago that he didn't have to worry about things not being quite equal now. That I would do these things regardless of him "paying me back" for being present, but still reminding him that I wouldn't be nearly as present if he wasn't being a good partner.
He still didn't feel great about all of it. I told him that I'm not going to sit around saying that things will be good when a condition is met, because there will always be something new to wait for, and wanting some perfect situation. That now it's my turn to be present, and help and find happiness in the little things.
He asked what he did to deserve me being so awesome. And moments like that are all it takes. People recognizing that I'm worth something, and saying it, when they actually take the time to know me. I don't need a lot outside of basic presence and respect. So long as I have that, I'll do everything I can to help and take care of the people in my life, and happily do so.
That's the job I take on, and I'm very happy to do it.
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