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Blessing and a Curse

Fusion occurred recently, and a good number of my friends, including Kitty, attended.  The event does spark my interest honestly.  Camping, spending time with friends, getting to play with fire, and having the chance to play with people I am very close to are all things that will get my attention.  I've thought about attending a few times.

However, there's a part of me that never enjoyed public play.  There's too many reasons for me not to.  When people look at me, they generally tag me as submissive, and well, that's right some of the time, but definitely not always.  People that don't know me don't expect me to be a sadist, and act like I'm a service top.  No, I really just want to tear people apart, and I'll rip them to shreds too, just for being an ass.

The biggest downside for me though, is that my pain tolerance is actually so high that I've had DMs tell me they don't trust a scene with my as a bottom to be safe.  I can take so much force they won't let someone hit me as hard as I enjoy, because they worry, even if it's someone I've played with before.  And, honestly, bottoming to new people that aren't friends makes me incredibly nervous, because of the amount of pain I enjoy.

And sure, certain play requires a different venue.  Kitty can't go at me with his new fire-chuks in my bedroom, and neither can a friend with a bullwhip.  It can also be useful for working on skills, playing with different folks who need levels of force, or certain areas.

But then you get people in private, and the distractions are gone, and you can play together.  No extra energy involved, or stigma to keep a scene going.  Just time with a partner, where you can stop and go and not be afraid to discuss issues or just ride out the happy things going on.  And that is what good play honestly should be.


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