Awareness

I've recently been seeing a lot of things that include, or describe demisexuality.  I have a few friends who identify that way, but that they are the type that need to be in a solid romantic relationship before they consider sex.  This is the way I had figured it worked, so I dismissed it, blaming my sociopathy for my disinterest in most people.  I was very capable of a sort of casual sex, between friends, that needed no romantic stimulus to create that desire.

Then, I continued to think past that.  Sure, I absolutely consider myself hypersexual.  I want sex all the time, and am damn near insatiable, whether with one of my partners, or in the middle of a dry spell.  However, I never look at the option of finding partners.  I could have someone standing in front of me that is my absolute ideal physical type and preferred personality, and if I ask myself if I want to fuck them, the answer will generally be a loud and resounding no.  However, give me a week or two of contact with that person.  Let us get to know each other, see how we mesh, and become friends.  Suddenly there is that possibility of sexual interest poking about, and the decision of whether or not to explore it appears.

And, I realize, the people I've been the most sexually attracted to have never been people I've dated.  They were the people I had an intense emotional connection with, but never had a formal relationship with.  Those that I could share anything to, spill myself in front of, and know they'd be there to hold me together, and that they'd do the same.

The fact that I find no attraction to most porn, and even concepts I find hot, I'd rather imagine them, or have them happen involving a partner I'm close to.  That it's not necessarily the context, but the emotional bond I'm seeking.

And, that too makes sense with my sociopathy.  The fact that I prefer not to interact with many people, or those who are too emotionally driven, and instead work with logic, surrounding myself with, and protecting those who I hold closest.  And that I am so picky over partners at all, due to how seldom I form strong bonds with anyone.

Maybe hyperpolydemisexuality is a thing.  And maybe that thing is me.  Someone who constantly craves sex, sometimes with a pool of partners, but with a unique but strong emotional bond to each one.