While Pyre, Panda, and I were talking last weekend, Pyre brought up that a guy had given her a foot rub at Fusion last year because he feet were so fried. At Summerfest, he expressed desire to submit to her, and all that jazz.
And her reaction was that she doesn't really like to top or dominate guys. Panda agreed that even though she's primarily a bottom and a submissive herself, she felt the same.
I didn't agree, saying that the vast majority of the time, I lean toward topping or being the domly person in a play situation.
Sometimes, I feel like that view on things is kind of a cop out. It sort of just runs on physical appearance and standard gender ideas when switches choose what side they'll take just by the gender of the other person.
It means Pyre will never really fight back with Kitty (even though she is a brat to him, as we all are and should be) or feel like she wants power over him just because he's a boy. That's so weird. It's just so black and white that it feels kind of wrong to me. And it's such a common view.
I wonder if it's that women don't feel confident in their ability to express dominance. That they need physical presence in order to gain power, and that is so very rarely the case. Sure, Lux is a brick wall and way bigger than me, but that just makes him better to snuggle on, rather than giving him the ability to be domly. I've had submissives who were guys, and girls, and they were all generally taller than me.
There's got to be some sort of reason for it.
And her reaction was that she doesn't really like to top or dominate guys. Panda agreed that even though she's primarily a bottom and a submissive herself, she felt the same.
I didn't agree, saying that the vast majority of the time, I lean toward topping or being the domly person in a play situation.
Sometimes, I feel like that view on things is kind of a cop out. It sort of just runs on physical appearance and standard gender ideas when switches choose what side they'll take just by the gender of the other person.
It means Pyre will never really fight back with Kitty (even though she is a brat to him, as we all are and should be) or feel like she wants power over him just because he's a boy. That's so weird. It's just so black and white that it feels kind of wrong to me. And it's such a common view.
I wonder if it's that women don't feel confident in their ability to express dominance. That they need physical presence in order to gain power, and that is so very rarely the case. Sure, Lux is a brick wall and way bigger than me, but that just makes him better to snuggle on, rather than giving him the ability to be domly. I've had submissives who were guys, and girls, and they were all generally taller than me.
There's got to be some sort of reason for it.
I think confidence has a large part of it. Personally, I am happier when my partner is the dominating one... It is not that I don't think I could... I could, with planning. But if he really got out of hand, there is that lack of physical presence that undermines my confidence in being able to take him in hand... but I don't normally think about dominating him on the regular... I think I enjoy submission in my romantic life because I'm often quite domineering in my public one.
ReplyDeleteHaving a very domineering and strong public life, and being submissive in private is a very regular thing from what I find, and someone just enjoying being submissive, or preferring to dominant all the time is understandable (and the case with Lux, and quite a few other people I'm friends with). It's just that part of saying that someone is a switch, but it's entirely based on what is in a person's pants.
ReplyDelete