For Me

A couple weeks ago, I was having a conversation with my mother.  About how I tend to not really wear perfumes, because Lux has no sense of smell, and I don't really care for them.  That I don't make any decisions on my appearance for how other people feel about them, but for me.

My mother scoffed at it, and responded as though that made me an asshole.  

Mind you, I very rarely look like a shlub.  I'm always clean, and groomed, and like to keep up with myself, as well as wear clean clothing.

But I wouldn't make anywhere near the decisions about my appearance that I do if I was so worried about other people.  I wouldn't dress anywhere near the same, because as is, I am constantly stared at, put down, and treated like I'm a freak.  I would just be trying to fit in to fashion, and have no sense of self expression, too afraid to do something outside of what society deems as appropriate.

I wouldn't have my tattoos, or piercings, or wear the jewelry I make.

And I wouldn't be me anymore.

I love the fact that I'm weird.  I love that I think outside of the box.  I love that I have a very particular brand of style that is so distinctly me.  

And yes, sometimes I do want to look better than others.  Sometimes I want pick something that someone else likes as well, but it's always something I like, and something that I feel like me in.

I'm not for everyone, and I don't want to be.  I want to be what can only be seen as, or identified as me.