Lately, Zero has been coming to me a lot with issues about poly stuff.
Mind you, he still hasn't actually been in a poly dynamic, but is striving for it.
And, I'm finding that he's becoming more reclusive, and at the same time just hunting for a third. Like, giving people job requirements when meeting them of "This is the only role I'm looking for to have someone fill in my life right now"
And I looked at everything he was saying, and the issues he's having, and confronted him about them.
He wants a local support network. People close by that he can confide in, and spend time with. Well, I might think he needs to get rid of his current partner, because that relationship is toxic, and the things he says he wants he refuses to give to his current partner because he doesn't feel happy around her, but maybe meeting more people will help with that.
I told him though, that he doesn't need a romantic partner to create a support network. Someone can be present and supportive regardless of the role in their life without being a partner, just like some partners only want a surface connection as a secondary relationship. It is determined by the things that build over time, and the kind of people you bring in, and what everyone wants in life.
I told him to look just for connections and supportive people. That stopping to desperately look for someone to fill one single box, will make more people willing to put time in with him.
And guess what, he found one. Someone who might not be comfortable with poly, but wants to be involved, and show support, and give him time.
Of course, he comes to me again because his girlfriend is already feeling jealous and like things are one sided.
Well, he'll either figure out that he wants one healthy relationship elsewhere, or they'll put real work in to fix all of it, and realize how fucked what he has is.