I read something recently about how you supposedly can't promise to love someone, especially in poly. That they differences in how we express love mean that we can't promise that the other person may feel what we are telling them.
That when people complain that partners didn't love them, that it's just an incompatibility in how they express love.
Sure, this on the surface has potential of being true. Incompatible love languages are a thing, and create issues.
However, sometimes, when a partner doesn't feel loved, it's because they aren't, and the other person is still continuing the dynamic for the comfort of it. The fear of being alone. Being an abusive partner. A pile of things that has caused them to simply not actually care for the other person, and unfortunately, I think that's the case the majority of the time.
Those incompatibilities can often be solved with simple communication. Asking for different sorts of presence, or saying that you don't enjoy certain gestures. Then respecting that from your partners is in itself a way to make someone feel loved.
Not showing the right love doesn't mean that you aren't loving them. Doesn't mean that you don't make them feel loved. We aren't mind readers, and everyone has their own brand of affection that they show. Sometimes learning that alone in a way of expressing love, and then celebrating the flaws as something unique to what you have.
This is a journey, and it's about finding the healthy things that bring us together.
That when people complain that partners didn't love them, that it's just an incompatibility in how they express love.
Sure, this on the surface has potential of being true. Incompatible love languages are a thing, and create issues.
However, sometimes, when a partner doesn't feel loved, it's because they aren't, and the other person is still continuing the dynamic for the comfort of it. The fear of being alone. Being an abusive partner. A pile of things that has caused them to simply not actually care for the other person, and unfortunately, I think that's the case the majority of the time.
Those incompatibilities can often be solved with simple communication. Asking for different sorts of presence, or saying that you don't enjoy certain gestures. Then respecting that from your partners is in itself a way to make someone feel loved.
Not showing the right love doesn't mean that you aren't loving them. Doesn't mean that you don't make them feel loved. We aren't mind readers, and everyone has their own brand of affection that they show. Sometimes learning that alone in a way of expressing love, and then celebrating the flaws as something unique to what you have.
This is a journey, and it's about finding the healthy things that bring us together.
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